Praying for Redemption
by Rainbow Fruit Loop
Summary: When a stranger called Dean Winchester advertises for a roommate in the local paper, Cas finds himself replying. Of course, Dean is only ever supposed to be a roommate - or maybe even a friend - but will he end up being more than Cas ever thought possible? Modern AU. Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Supernatural. If I did, I would cry. A lot. All the time, actually. Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke and the CW, I suppose?

Author's Note: Whoo, Destiel fic~! *cries because of the beauty that is Destiel* I've honestly been writing this for about ten years (...okay, maybe not, but whatever), and it's not quite finished yet, but I thought I'd publish the first chapter now, because YOLO, that's why.

Okay, so things to keep in mind about this story. Uh... it's full AU (OMG NO WAYYY) and there's tears and pain and love and cuteness and SAMMY and more tears and a lot more pain and then loads more love and then a happily ever after. (Or is there? You'll have to read to find out...) If something confuses you (which it might), then don't worry because it'll all be explained later on. (Hopefully.)

So yeah. This is dedicated to my amazing friend tii-chan17, because she is amazing and lovely and yeah.

PLEASE REVIEW, GUYS. I LOVE REVIEWS OMG. Oh, and also, this'll be updated twice a week, probably on a Saturday and a Wednesday where I am. So yeah. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on this. (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

_~Praying for Redemption~  
_Chapter One.

"_Roommate wanted. Modern apartment, fully furnished, two minute walk from nearest shops. $450 per month, internet included. Call Dean on 1-785-2847-0275."_

It was on a slight whim that Castiel - ever the introvert, and definitely _never _one to make unnecessary human contact - called the cell phone number he had seen advertising a roommate in the local paper.

He wasn't quite sure why he did it, really. He had a nice enough apartment - if a bit small, and occasionally damp (okay, okay, it was very often damp, but as long as he didn't hang around in the kitchen for too long, he wouldn't get too sick), but he was fine with that. The rent wasn't too extortionate, and he didn't have to walk far to reach the nearest fast food restaurants.

He didn't have a roommate, no, but Cas just didn't like people. He enjoyed being isolated, and though he did occasionally feel the pang of loneliness that so many people his age complained about, he was sure that - when the feeling became too hard to ignore - buying a cat would definitely suffice. Cas liked cats.

So what was he thinking, calling up a stranger to ask if he could have a look around his home? Sure, the apartment might be a lot nicer than his own, seeing as though it was probably in the nice part of Lawrence, not the unclean, crime-ridden part, but Cas's own was fine, and he _certainly_ didn't need an inquisitive roommate poking his nose into his affairs, did he?

There was absolutely no reason at all for him to contact _anyone _about an apartment, nice or not, but, despite everything, Cas found himself waiting for this 'Dean' to pick up his phone, his stomach all tense and twisted with a familiar nervousness.

So, when Dean's voice spoke out across Cas's phone's speakers, his voice like liquid honey - a ray of amber sunshine after a storm - Cas almost dropped his phone in surprise. He really wasn't sure why he was so startled that Dean had answered, though, because that's what people were supposed to do when their phones rang.

"Hello, this is Dean Winchester speaking." Dean answered cheerfully, and Cas was immediately drawn to his deep, rough voice, despite knowing nothing about the man.

Slightly flustered, because that's what he did best in social situations, Cas managed to answer the phone without yelping in surprise. "Hello, my name is Castiel Novak, and I'm ringing in response to the roommate advertisement you posted in today's newspaper."

Quietly - so the stranger wouldn't hear his anxiety - Cas released the breath he'd been holding. That wasn't too bad. He'd sounded sane, and moderately intelligent.

Dean made a surprised noise at his end of the phone. "Already? Wow. I thought it was going to take months for someone to respond. I thought I'd be all alone for months on end, with only actors on the TV to keep me company!" He chuckled to himself, and, idly, Cas wondered why this stranger was laughing with him.

At Cas's lack of response, Dean cleared his throat, sounding semi-awkward at the long stretch of uncomfortable silence that no doubt made him fidget. "Okay. So, do you want to come around and look at the apartment today, then?"

Startled by the abrupt question, Cas was thrown into an inner panic - did he actually want to go and see the apartment? What was the point, when he already had a place to call home? And he didn't want a roommate. He was supposed to dislike people, even ones who had nice voices. Why had he even called in the first place? How was he going to get out of this one? How could he say 'no' now?

"Uh, buddy?" Dean sounded mildly concerned, and Cas chided himself for being so awkward. "You still there?"

"I-yes, I'm here." Cas finally replied, bringing his spare hand up to his head to press his fingers to his temples.

"And…?" Dean asked, referring to his previous question. "You want to come round?"

And, for reasons completely unknown to himself, Cas found himself answering, "Yes. I do."

* * *

After Dean had given him the address, and a time to meet at the apartment, Cas slumped back in the awkward chair he had been perched in. He was currently sitting inside a coffee shop, a cup of now-lukewarm coffee sitting in front of him.

It was eleven o'clock in the morning, and the rest of the day stretched out in front of him; lonely and bitter and dull. Cas didn't have a job - or, rather, he had been fired from his previous job as an assistant to a pretty decent photographer, because of his "pretty disabling personal issues", as his boss had put it.

Cas didn't really think that it was fair to dismiss someone on account of their hindering personal problems, but here he was; jobless, cold because his much-loved trench coat was starting to get holes, and about to meet a complete stranger on the terms of moving in with him.

Belatedly, Cas wondered if he should have asked Dean what he looked like - perhaps asked him to wear a red carnation or a paisley scarf, even if it was a little bit cheesy - because he was sure that the streets would be pretty busy at five thirty in the evening. And he didn't want to go up to every man he saw and ask him if they were "Dean from the advertisement", because that would involve talking to more strangers, and Cas didn't feel quite up to that.

Cas sighed then, annoyed with his slight misanthropic attitude, and frustrated with his failure to react well publicly. He took a sip of his coffee - hoping that it would calm his thoughts down to a more bearable pace - before pushing the cheap cup away from himself, disgusted at its now-icy temperature.

He thought briefly about buying another one - anything to eradicate the cold that was nipping at his fingers and caressing his shoulders, but he was too tense to keep anything down, and he could always make himself some pretty awful decaf coffee back at his apartment if he needed to.

As Cas stood up to leave the warmth that the café provided, it suddenly occurred to him that Dean didn't know who he was. Dean didn't know his face. So, technically… Well, Cas didn't really need to turn up at the apartment at all, did he? He could just hide away in his own, heater-less flat until Dean gave up on him.

A little part of him would feel bad for wasting Dean's time, and for abusing his obviously cheerfully trusting nature, but Cas was sure that could live with himself. He was sure that Dean would have many more offers, so he really wouldn't be losing out if Cas didn't show up.

But as he walked back to his decidedly dingy apartment, Cas realised that this was what the doctors had encouraged him to do. Make some changes in his life. Step out of his comfort zone. Meet new people. Experience new things.

And, well, if meeting Dean Winchester, the stranger with the expensive flat and the nice voice, was what the doctors had ordered, then Cas really didn't have a choice, did he?


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: EARLY UPDATE, WHOO. I'm going out tomorrow (oh wow, what a first...), hence why it's a day early. So, okay. Wow. You guys are so amazing! So much support... *cries* I hadn't expected such a positive response, especially from just the first chapter! I guess everyone here just loves Destiel. :P

So a special thanks to these lovely people who reviewed: _Chrissy, tii-chan17, bani86, liife2uck2, more-profound-bond, TimeLordsCompanion_ and_ missiontothestars. _Also, big thanks to everyone who favourited/followed.

So yeah. I'll update again at some point in the next week, and I hope you guys all review this chapter too! It honestly really made my day, and I was in a constant state of, 'SQUEEE!'

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

_~Praying for Redemption~  
_Chapter Two.

Though he didn't want to appear too enthusiastic at the thought of looking around a stranger's apartment, Cas made sure that he was ten minutes early to his meeting with Dean. He'd never liked being late to anything, but that was probably only because he didn't like all the attention that being tardy brought with it.

Cas didn't feel the desperate urge to own a car - why would he? He never left Lawrence - much less Kansas, as tragic as that was - and everything that he needed - milk, toothpaste, toilet paper, and caffeine - were all within walking distance from his apartment. So he didn't feel that he could justify spending money he didn't really have on a car, which had meant that he had ended up having to walk the four, painfully long miles required to reach Dean's apartment. And, as someone who participated in as little exercise as himself, it had not been a particularly easy or enjoyable walk.

And so now a tired, sore-limbed Cas was waiting outside of the apartment complex Dean had told him to wait at, his stomach tense and heavy in his anxiousness. He was trying to keep his breathing unwaveringly steady; he didn't think that hyperventilating as a result of his social ineptness would be a good way to meet Dean.

Sometimes Cas wondered whether he would ever be comfortable around people he didn't know. He hated how inadequate he often felt; shy and pathetic and weak. He sometimes wished that he held that undeniably bright spark of self-confidence that so few people had; brilliant and vivid and colourful.

But he didn't, and he hated that about himself. He would describe himself as dull, repetitive and monotonous; coloured in all different shades of the same dismal, dreary grey. It didn't matter how much he wished to be able to smile, because he just couldn't.

Cas sighed to himself in the cool air, pulled his grubby coat tighter across his chest, and cursed himself for not bringing a scarf, or at least something a little warmer than his present attire. It was a cold evening - not exactly surprising in the middle of winter, but he had been too nervous about his meeting with Dean to think about bringing a thicker, warmer jacket.

On the subject of his possible-new-roommate, where was Dean? After checking the time on his phone, Cas did have to admit that Dean wasn't due to meet him for another seven and a half minutes, but the oh-so familiar clutches of panic had taken hold of him.

What if he was waiting outside of the wrong apartment? What if he had misheard the address? What if Dean didn't really want to meet him, and had raced home from work early to hide in his apartment? Was he watching Cas from one of his windows, entertained by his obviously uneasy movements?

Though he knew he was being paranoid, Cas glanced upwards at the forward-facing windows of the apartment complex and scanned the windows, looking for an amused face. When he found none, he exhaled sharply, and dropped his eyes to instead scan the streets.

While he waited, Cas found his mind drifting. What would he do if he genuinely liked the apartment? Perhaps he would find a soft comfort in its presumably cosy warmth, a safe haven in living with another human soul? Perhaps he would, despite his undying and completely unprovoked abhorrence of people, come to actually like this Dean Winchester - though, surely he couldn't really believe that. But… Well, here he was, waiting outside a stranger's apartment, and that had to be a sign of _something_, right?

As he scanned the roads with half-attentive eyes, Cas noticed a car crawling up the road, slowing down to pull to the side. Now, he wasn't an expert on cars, not by a long shot, but even Cas had to admit that it was absolutely _beautiful. _He'd never be able to state the year or model, but it was sleek and black and obviously well loved.

After a few more seconds of what he hoped looked like casual observing, Cas averted his eyes from the glossy black car, because the remarkably handsome man who had been driving it was getting out, and Cas didn't want to accidentally make the oh-so dreaded eye contact.

For want of something to do, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time again; _five twenty six. _Four minutes. He pushed the phone back into his trench coat's pocket, and rocked lightly on the balls of his feet, feigning a relaxed attitude.

And then, suddenly, there was a firm, yet slightly hesitant hand on his shoulder, and Cas automatically shied away from the touch; flinching back in a way that was sure to offend the perpetrator. The hand withdrew hastily, and Cas turned to find himself locking eyes _- and, damn, he had so hoped to avoid doing that - _with the decidedly attractive man with the nice car.

Cas's initial thoughts were ones of panic - _did he see me looking at his car? Does he want something from me? Do I come across as being a threatening person? _He couldn't see any reason for this man to approach him, and so his mind automatically feared the worst.

But then the man smiled brightly, his breathtaking eyes going all crinkly at the edges, and asked, "Castiel?". Cas let out a slightly shaky breath, and found himself relaxing in a way that he rarely did in front of other people.

"Yes. Dean, I presume?" Cas asked, staring intently at the man in front of him. His scrutinizing ways often made people uncomfortable, but Dean just smiled a little more.

"Yeah. Hi, Castiel. Sorry if I'm late, there was a small crisis before I left work." he explained, stepping forwards and gesturing for Cas to follow him. "But I left my best man in charge, so hopefully everything should be okay."

Cas was silent as he followed the stranger into the main apartment complex, noticing briefly that everything seemed clean, warm and, well, _expensive. _He followed Dean towards the stairs and - noticing that Dean forwent the elevator - started the probably arduous climb.

Remembering his basic etiquette - he supposed he wanted to make a good first impression, if he really was serious about living with this man - Cas asked, "Where do you work?"

Dean turned his head around to flash Cas an acknowledging smile, before turning back to focus on the stairs. "I run a mechanics a few blocks away."

Cas nodded quietly to himself, filing the information away in his head under where the hazy title 'Dean Winchester' was forming.

"And you?" Dean asked, coming to a halt on the seventh floor. He pulled a key chain out of his pocket, and walked down the length of the corridor, jingling the keys as he did so.

Cas followed him, and wondered momentarily how 'I'm unemployed' would come across to someone who would be expecting four hundred and fifty dollars a month from him.

"I am currently unemployed," Cas started, not wanting their relationship to be built on lies. "But I used to work as a photographer's assistant."

"You interested in photography?" Dean asked, stopping outside of door number sixty six. He paused to give Cas his full attention - something Cas wasn't used to, outside of his treatment at the stupid therapy sessions he was forced to attend.

Cas gave a minute shrug, and cleared his throat awkwardly. "Not particularly. But I needed the work, and they were hiring. I couldn't afford to be picky."

Dean chuckled. "Isn't that always the way?"

"I suppose so."

Dean's eyes - unnervingly green, they were - flickered around Cas's face, his eyebrows drawing downwards in a mix of confusion and amusement for the tiniest of seconds.

He turned towards the door again, and, after swiftly unlocking it, pushed it open.

"Well, here we go."


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Update, whoo~ It seems as though my promises of 'updates on Wednesday and Saturday' have turned into Tuesday and Friday. BUT OH WELL. So yeah. Here's the next chapter, yay...? You will have noticed that they're quite short chapters, and that's why I'm updating twice a week instead of once.

Thanks with all of my heart to the lovely people who reviewed last chapter again: _tii-chan17, __missiontothestars_, _more-profound-bond_ and _liife2uck2.  
_You guys are amazing, and I squealed when I received your reviews. :P Oh, and in response to _liife2uck2_'s question: I thought about it for ages, but I decided to keep it all in Cas's POV. Saying that, there are two chapters much, much further down the line in Dean's POV, but I did that for a specific reason. (:

So, yup. PLEASE REVIEW AGAIN, GUYS! You'll even make it onto my little wall of fame (that's what I'm going to call it from now on...) next chapter, ahaha.

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~  
_Chapter Three.

The first thing Cas noticed about Dean's apartment was the overwhelming, aching sense of _home. _Not in a sappy, completely irrational kind of way, but more in a cluttered, warm, lived-in type of way.

There were small stacks of books piled up on every surface, a dark brown leather couch that looked almost painfully comfortable positioned in front of the large television, and - much to Cas's delight - a large fireplace at the centre of the back wall.

"Sorry about the mess." Dean apologised, stepping into the room to throw his keys onto the table to his left. "I didn't realise that someone would be coming over so soon."

Cas gave a slight murmur to show that he'd been listening, and cautiously stepped into the apartment to further inspect it. His eyes flickered over every surface, taking in the collection of pots and pans in the kitchen - Dean enjoyed cooking, it seemed. He took in the half-full bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter top, and wondered how often Dean ate from it.

He took in the creamy mocha-brown walls, and the dark scarlet feature wall behind the fireplace. He took in the large wicker basket of firewood that was packed hazardously high for the cold winter, and the thick, heavy curtains that hung open, showing off the increasingly darkening skyline.

It was a nice apartment, Cas had to admit. Aside from all of the charm that seemed to have exploded into a delirious warmth throughout the room - the positive sentiment personified through Dean's charismatic smile and vivid-olive eyes - Cas thought that, as a building, it looked structurally stable. Cas appreciated that in an apartment.

Dean watched Cas's journey through the apartment's living room nervously, half-heartedly straightening one of the many piles of books in an attempt to tidy the place up as he did so.

"So, what do you think?" he asked, and Cas thought that he sounded slightly nervous, like he thought that maybe there was something unappealing about the unorganised clutter. But Cas… well, he had begun to like chaos.

Avoiding Dean's question - because Cas thought that answering might lead to some sort of unspoken promise to move in with him - Cas wandered over to a random pile of books on the kitchen bench, and ran his finger down the spine of the thickest one.

"You have some very nice books." Cas said instead, noticing many famous works by very well known authors. "I would love to read some of them."

Dean smiled softly, and his eyes held a mix of bittersweet nostalgia and loneliness. It made Cas wonder who the books belonged to - or _had _belonged to - and what kind of memories surrounded them.

"They're my brother's." Dean murmured, absentmindedly tracing a pattern across the cover of one of the books. "I keep meaning to do something with them now that he's gone, but…" he paused for a second. "I suppose I like them where they are."

"I see." Cas said, picking up a book to flick through its pages lightly. He loved the smell of books - a musty, old kind of scent that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but he loved it all the same. "And where is your brother now?"

"He went off to study law at Stanford a few months ago." Dean answered, before rubbing his obviously cold fingers together. He strode over to the fireplace, presumably to provide a little bit of warmth in the progressively cold room. "I miss him a lot, you know?"

Cas nodded to himself, his eyes still fixed on the books. "Yes, I do know. Is that why you're looking for a roommate? Do you need someone to pay half the rent for you?"

Dean chuckled, and - having started the fire up - wandered back over to stand awkwardly behind where Cas was still enchanted by the sheer number of dusty old books.

"Not really, no. My family- well, I suppose we're quite wealthy. So it's not that, it's just…" Dean trailed off, and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I suppose I get lonely on my own. And so I thought, why not get a roommate?"

For the second time that day, Cas remembered his manners, and turned around to face Dean - he could look at the books another time, he was sure. Because… Despite everything, he _did _like the apartment. He liked the books, the fireplace, the warm comfort that he had unearthed_._

So what was the point in returning back to his dreary, grubby apartment, where the rent was almost as expensive, and he frequently faced the risk of hypothermia? Dean needed someone to stay with him, and… well, Cas supposed that, after everything he had been through over the past few months, he really needed someone too.

Fixing Dean with his scrutinizing look, Cas tilted his head to the right slightly. "Do you get lonely easily, Dean?"

Dean looked a bit surprised by the question, yet he didn't flinch away as so many others had done before him. "Uh, not normally, no, I suppose. It's just that I've lived with my brother my entire life, so it was, well, not very pleasant to have him leave me."

"Yet you think that letting a stranger into your apartment will satisfy your craving for companionship?" Cas was aware that he was asking questions that were far too personal, seeing as though the two had only met that day. But he couldn't help himself - if he was seriously considering stepping so far out of his comfort zone to share a flat with Dean, then he wanted to at least know what the man was made of.

Dean shrugged lightly, an easy grin lighting up his face as he thought about his answer. It was the type of smile that Cas wished he could see in the mirror sometimes. "Yeah, well, it's worth a shot, right?"

And it was at that point that Cas decided that he didn't just like the apartment - he liked Dean too. Dean was honest, and seemed reliable, and that's what Cas needed in his life. Honesty. Reliability. Someone he could trust.

"Would you ever consider buying a cat?" Cas asked suddenly - remembering his thoughts the previous morning. "Cats are naturally calming animals, and provide great company and warmth. I have often thought about buying myself a cat."

Dean shot him an amused glance, his lips turning upwards ever-so-slightly. "Are you seriously suggesting that I buy a _cat_ instead of getting a roommate?"

Cas shook his head in response, and questioned if maybe he had said the wrong thing. Maybe Dean just didn't like cats. It was a possibility. Or maybe he was allergic to them? That would be a shame, because Cas thought that they were so graceful; dreadfully haughty sometimes, sure, but agile and beautiful nonetheless.

"No, never mind about the cat. I was just curious."

Dean smirked, and raised an eyebrow. "Is that your way of politely telling me that you're not interested in the apartment? Because, if you're not, that's totally fine, I wasn't expecting anyone for months anyway."

Cas shook his head again, and fiddled with his coat's hem awkwardly. "No, it's not that. I think…" he trailed off, because he wasn't sure what he thought. Was he really serious about moving in? He liked the apartment, and he thought that he liked Dean, but was such a spontaneous decision going to come back to haunt him later?

_Come on. Live a little, Cas._

"I think I could be happy here." Cas said slowly, eyeing Dean carefully. "I think… I would be interested in moving in."

But as soon as he said it, Cas started panicking. What if Dean didn't like him? What if he had made a terribly bad first impression, what with his eerie staring and too-intimate questions? What if Dean's earlier comment - _'…if you're not, that's totally fine' - _had meant to discourage Cas from moving in? Was he hinting at something, but Cas hadn't picked up on it?

But then Dean's face lit up brightly, and he flashed Cas another one of his crinkly-eyed smiles. And, in spite of everything, Cas felt himself returning the grin, though he was sure that the emotion looked foreign and strange on his face.

"Wow, really? You want to move in already?" Dean seemed enthusiastic, and it relieved Cas. "That's great. I must have done a real good job selling the place. It's probably because I didn't mention the recently-released-from-prison serial killer on the floor below us, or the fact that this room's haunted by the ghost of a young woman who was brutally murdered here almost fifty years ago."

Cas was positively aghast at such information, and he could feel his eyes widening to an almost comical, cartoon-like size. "I think I've changed my mind, actually, Dean."

Dean chuckled quietly to himself, and the noise sounded like the feeling of silky-soft feathers brushing against calloused fingers. "I was kidding, Castiel - it was a joke. We're not haunted, not as far as I can tell, and there are no serial killers anywhere."

Cas looked at him suspiciously, his bright cobalt eyes narrowing. "If you say so."

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. "Trust me."

And, for the first time in God-knows-how-many years, Cas found himself thinking: _You know, I think I might be able to._


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: FRIDAY UPDATE, whoo! I love updating fics so much, ahaha. So, um, not a lot to say about this chapter, except interesting things start happening after it...?

Okay, so there's a lot of lovely people on today's WALL OF FAME~! (See? I remembered what I'd called it.) So, a special thanks to the following AMAZING people: _liife2uck2_, _missiontothestars_, _AnnieWrites, __Casismyfavorite, BekaForEver, MarilynNovak, bani86 _and _more-profound-bond. _So many reviews! (:

In response to _missiontothestars_'s question: yes, we will be seeing Sam in this fic, but, um... spoilers. :P

So yeah. Enough of me rambling about things. Please review this chapter again, and I'll hopefully see you all here on Tuesday!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Four.

After looking around the rest of the apartment - which, in hindsight, Cas really aught to have done before he actually agreed to move in with Dean - Cas had to admit that his rash actions of the morning had - for once - paid off.

He liked Dean, and he liked the apartment. It made his own seem deeply inferior; freezing cold - in both temperature and tone - lonely, and disgustingly empty. But Dean's apartment was nice; welcomingly warm, and filled with pleasant memories that Cas hoped he could one day learn of.

It was seven o'clock at night now, and Cas was quite astonished that he and Dean had been able to spend an hour and a half simply talking. Cas never had been one for chatting; preferring to simply listen to the conversations around him, and while today with Dean hadn't been any different, Cas had been genuinely happy listening to him speak.

Despite his initial amazement at his immediate connection with Dean, Cas did have to admit that he wasn't particularly surprised. He was the type of person who despised most people he met, and was quickly irritated by their pathetic, pretentious attempts to converse with him - yet, when he found someone he did like, he became disturbingly clingy _very _quickly.

His therapist had told him that he had a mild form of Dependant Personality Disorder, but Cas hoped that Dean wouldn't mind too much. He did have a habit of driving people away with his socially awkward conduct - not that it had ever bothered him before, but, for reasons he didn't quite understand, he didn't want Dean to see how much of a failure he really was.

Cas sighed to himself, his breath visible in the cold night air. He was walking back to his own apartment, and it was a lot colder than he had thought. Perhaps that was because he'd been so warm before, in Dean's apartment, and the sudden harshness of the outside world had come as a bit of a shock.

Dean - brought up as a gentleman, Cas decided - had offered to drive him back to his apartment, but Cas had hastily declined for two reasons. Reason one was that he didn't want Dean to see that he lived in a crap-hole apartment, because then he might start questioning whether Cas really would be able to pay half the rent every month. And the second reason was that, as much as he had enjoyed Dean's company, Cas needed the time to think.

And thinking - especially over-thinking - was what Cas did best.

He'd have to tell his landlord that he was moving out of the apartment, Cas remembered. He made a mental note to write him a letter or an email, or even - at a stretch, give him a ring - the next morning, because Cas didn't actually want to speak face-to-face with the man. His landlord was a pot-bellied, sweatpants-wearing, greying pig of a man, and speaking to him made Cas very uncomfortable.

But Cas needed to sort out how quickly he could leave, and how much money he would need to pay for breaking his lease. Vaguely, Cas remembered agreeing on a seven month lease - a strange time-frame for an apartment lease, sure, but Cas had been hoping to move to a new state once his lease was up. But, yes, Cas had only been living in his shabby apartment for three months, which meant that he'd have to pay another four months rent, and, on top of his half of the rent for Dean's apartment, Cas wasn't sure that he could afford it.

A surge of panic hit Cas with an unimaginable force, and it caused him to stop walking for a second. He couldn't afford to pay four months of unnecessary rent in his jobless state. He might not be able to move in with Dean for another few months.

_A few months._

Cas sucked in a deep breath, and forced his body to keep moving; he really didn't want to get frostbite or hypothermia or even pneumonia. He couldn't afford hospital bills on top of everything else. As Cas walked, he forced his mind to calmly analyse the situation.

Okay, so maybe he couldn't move in with Dean for another four months. But that wasn't too bad, was it? He'd coped in his little apartment for three months already, and he had been fine. He hadn't even doubted his living arrangements until he'd seen Dean's advertisement.

So why was he worrying? He was sure he wouldn't die in his crappy apartment - especially not if he made sure he had a sufficient number of blankets, and only turned on the power of his electronics when he absolutely needed them - so what was the problem? Was he stressing because he was scared that Dean would tell him not to bother, and that he'd find someone else to move in with him? But Cas had got there _first, _so it wasn't _fair. _

Cas blew air out of his cheeks, and buried his frosty fingers in his pockets. Why was he so set on moving in with Dean anyway? Dean was still only a stranger to him, and, as much as Cas liked him, they had only met once. He didn't _know _Dean, and he was in no position to be forming one of his weird psychological connections.

But there was something about Dean… Something completely bright about him; something that contrasted Cas's pessimistic attitude. He liked how Dean hadn't flinched away from his too-personal questions, hadn't backed away from his penetrating stare. He liked how Dean hadn't called him out on any of his weird social tendencies, like how he stood far too close - surely, something Dean would have noticed?

Dean treated him like he was _normal, _and that was a rare occurrence in the world of Castiel Novak.

But now… Now he was going to have to hide away in his shabby apartment for four months, hoping desperately that Dean wouldn't find someone else to read the books with.

Cas made a frustrated noise in the almost-pitch-black darkness - the only light source being the few half-arsed street lamps dotted around the place - and pulled his not-very-charged phone out of his pocket. He may as well call Dean now and tell him the news, so that Dean wouldn't take his advertisement out of the newspaper.

Thankful for having saved Dean's number, even though he had felt a little bit like a stalker at the time, Cas dialled. Dean picked up on the first ring.

"Castiel?" Dean asked, and Cas smiled, because Dean must have saved his number too. "Are you all right? Do you need a lift home after all?"

Cas swallowed, and hung his head low, feeling guilty under all of Dean's friendly thoughtfulness. "Hello, Dean. No, I don't need a ride home, thank you. I was just calling to say that I can't move in with you. I'm sorry."

Dean was silent for a long few seconds, and Cas imagined his eyebrows furrowing, his vibrant green eyes confused. "Wait, what? Why not?" Dean asked, sounding slightly indignant. "Did you not actually like the apartment? Honestly, you could have just said something, I wouldn't have minded at all." He trailed off, and the silence that followed was deafening.

Prickling with embarrassment at his almost-poverty-stricken state, Cas answered quickly. "No, Dean. I really like the apartment. It's just, I realised that, if I moved in with you, I'd have to pay my landlord four months worth of rent on top of the rent for your apartment."

Dean was silent.

"And I can't afford it all at once." Cas clarified after a few seconds. "Not now that I've lost my job."

Dean was still silent, and Cas suddenly regretted ever calling him. Dean was probably trying to think of a polite way to tell him not to even bother trying to scrounge up what little he could find, because he'd find someone else who wasn't almost bankrupt.

"Would you be able to pay for just the four months rent on your old apartment?" Dean asked suddenly, and Cas wondered what was going through his head.

Cas did some mental calculations, and, after wincing lightly at the outcome, replied with: "Possibly. It would be a bit of a struggle, but I could probably do it. Why?"

And then Dean chuckled. "Okay, look, you talk to your landlord and tell him that you're moving out. Pay him the four months rent, and I'll pay your half of the rent here for as long as you need me to."

"No, Dean, I couldn't ask you to do that." Cas murmured after a few seconds. Dean's offer was far too tempting, but he couldn't possibly accept it. He didn't like people spending money on him; it made him feel too much like a liability. But he was right about one thing: Dean _had_ been brought up as a gentleman.

"Well, it's my money, and I get to choose who I spend it on." Dean said, and Cas could almost _hear _him grinning. "Look, I like you, Cas-" _Cas? _Cas couldn't help but smile at the friendly nickname. "-and I think we'll be good for each other."

And it was then that Cas realised that Dean Winchester was a man worth fighting for.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Updateupdateupdate. (: Whoo. I enjoy this Tuesday-Friday update thing we've got going on, guys. :P

Before I get on to today's WALL OF FAME, I'd just like to publicly respond to _strixx_'s review, so I can clarify a few things for everyone else too. Thank you so much for pointing out what you did, strixx, I guess I didn't explain myself properly. *rolls eyes* I like to see it as: Dean's got a lot of money, yeah, and his family's pretty wealthy. And, yes, he wants a roommate mainly for the company, but he still wants someone to pay the rent with him. I mean, why pay nine hundred dollars a month if you could pay four hundred and fifty? So, despite his family's kind-of wealth, I think he'd still want someone to chip in with the rent, because nine hundred dollars a month is a lot if you're paying it by yourself. And, anyways, it's not like Dean would just let someone stay in his apartment for free - at least until he met Cas anyways, haha. I hope that long-winded explanation kind of cleared things up...?

So, anyways, time for today's WALL OF FAME! All my love to these beautiful people: _BekaForEver, XX-SchitsoManiacAmutoLuver-XX, Casismyfavorite, missiontothestars, tii-chan17_ (for both her reviews),_ more-profound-bond,_ a_ guest, _and_ strixx. _You guys are so lovely, with all your kind words. Thank you. (:

See you all on Friday, hopefully! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Five.

Cas awoke with a start at the loud, insistent tapping on his apartment door. Groggily, he rolled out of bed, located his tattered navy-blue dressing gown with bleary eyes, and pulled open the door; letting the chill from the outside flood in and wrap its frosty fingers around his unmoving body.

Dean stood there smiling, despite the fact that it was only - Cas glanced back at his flashing alarm clock - five thirty in the morning. Cas didn't think that anyone should be smiling at five thirty in the morning, not even Dean.

"Hi, Cas." Dean said, his eyes turning mildly apologetic at Cas's rumpled, sleepy state. "I'm sorry for waking you up so early."

Cas blinked his eyes, his mind racing to catch up with what Dean was saying. He had known that Dean would be calling around at some point in the morning - despite his initial embarrassment about Dean finding out that he lived in the not-so-nice part of Lawrence.

But when Dean had said 'at some point in the morning', Cas hadn't really been expecting him before _dawn. _Who the hell considered _before dawn _to be 'at some point in the morning'?

Cas blinked again, and reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes. "Hello, Dean." he finally answered, clearing his throat in the hopes of making it less croaky. "Why are you here so early?"

Dean smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I have to go into the garage early today, and I thought I'd call in sooner rather than later. We don't want you still unpacking at ten o'clock tonight, do we?"

Cas tightened his dressing gown's belt, and ran his fingers through the ends of his mussed-up bed hair. "I suppose not."

Dean smiled brightly again, yet Cas noticed that there were purple shadows beneath his eyes. He looked tired, and Cas wondered why. Perhaps he had been up all night, stressing as Cas had been. But, then again, Cas didn't think that Dean was the type of person who would be anxious at the thought of living with a complete stranger.

Cas focused his attention back on Dean, just as the man reached into his pocket and pulled out a small silver key, which he held out for Cas to take. "Here you go. I'll see you at around five-ish tonight, and we can talk then, okay?"

Cas nodded mutely, and gripped the key tight; its sharp edge digging into the soft skin of his palm. "All right. Goodbye, Dean."

"See you, Cas."

And with that, Dean left, and Cas shut the door behind him with a quiet _thud_; still blinking his tiredness out of his bright blue eyes.

Having been woken up, Cas very much doubted that he'd be able to get back to sleep. Especially because Dean had given him a very important item: a copy of his apartment key.

After a few more phone calls with Dean, and a string of emails to his landlord, Cas and Dean had finally come to an agreement. Cas was going to be moving in that day, but, because Dean was working until five o'clock that evening, the two had decided that Dean would drop off a key so that Cas could move in early.

A little part of Cas was quite surprised - though delighted at the same time - that Dean trusted him in his apartment alone. And he was glad that he would be able to move in without Dean watching him unpack, because he was still very self-conscious - even in front of the people he decided he liked.

Cas had his suitcase packed full with all of his possessions - as few as they were - and he was ready to head over to Dean's apartment - _no, _he must stop calling it that, because it was _his _apartment now, too - as soon as he was ready.

Cas sighed to himself, yet it wasn't a wary sigh; it was a content sigh. He was starting his life over again, and he could _choose _who he wanted to be this time round. He didn't need to be bound to the pathetic, socially anxious shell of a man he'd become. He could choose to be truly happy - to be satisfied with what he had, and to appreciate the memories he was going to, one day, remember as being one of the best times of his entire life.

He didn't need to be haunted by the past, and, finally, it seemed as though he was breaking free from his dark struggle with what had happened to him barely a few months ago.

His therapist _would _be pleased.

* * *

When Cas finally made it half way across Lawrence to Dean's apartment, he was thoroughly shattered. He'd been walking for what seemed like hours, but probably wasn't; dragging an - admittedly not-too heavy - suitcase behind him. And, just to add to the already arduous walk, it had started raining half way through the journey, so now Cas - and his suitcase - were completely and utterly soaked.

Cas exhaled dramatically, and pressed his fingers to his temples briefly, before beginning his ascent up the stairs that would take him to room number sixty six. He did have to admit that he was eager to be able to call this apartment home, despite the rough start to the day.

Upon reaching the right room, Cas reached into his trench coat pockets, and pulled out the shiny key. Cas regarded it for a second, thinking of how much it could symbolize, before he pushed it into the lock, and opened the door.

_Home. _

In the few says since Cas had last seen it, nothing had changed. The books were still piled up erratically, some stacks only three books high, other stacks bordering on twenty. The amount of firewood in the wicker basket had decreased, Cas noticed, and it made him feel slightly funny; thinking about Dean alone in his apartment, mutely piling wood into the fireplace to warm only himself.

Cas pulled his soggy suitcase into the living room, and shut the door behind him. He was then aware that he was dripping mucky rainwater all over Dean's unfortunately _white_ carpet, and so he, surprising himself with his quick thinking, swept both himself and his suitcase into the bathroom.

Cas exhaled again, and looked around the bathroom. It was very clean, he noticed, not that he had been expecting anything different. There was a large shower, and it looked very inviting to a soggy, chilly Cas.

After stripping himself of his wet clothes, Cas wondered briefly where to put them. Did Dean have a washing machine? Or did he have to walk down the road to that dry-cleaners he'd noticed a few blocks back? Shrugging his shoulders lightly to himself, Cas settled on putting his clothes in a little pile on the floor - he'd deal with them once he was dry and warm.

Cas then turned to the shower and regarded it apprehensively. It looked a little more complex than his previous one; all his had had was a basic dial that changed the water from cold to hot.

But Dean's shower had strange little knobs and different dials with different pictures on them, and Cas just prayed that he wouldn't end up breaking something, or accidentally giving himself third degree burns.

He _was _trying to trick Dean into thinking he was intelligent, after all.

After tentatively playing with a few of the dials in the shower, Cas managed to get the water to a temperature that didn't feel as though it was removing twenty layers of skin. And, after a five minute inner debate with himself, because _damn it, _he hadn't brought any soap or shampoo with him, Cas decided that Dean wouldn't mind if he used his scarily expensive-looking products, and he then spent a further five minutes just standing in the hot water; letting it run down his body and soothe his aching muscles.

Cas had always thought that running water - whether it be a cascading waterfall or a delicate trickle - was a calming sensation. Just the feel, the sound, the almost dream-like state he often found himself in whilst underneath said water was enough to release the anxious knot in his stomach, and lift the hazy worry that was clouding his brain.

Cas didn't like feeling so nervous all the time, and he really hoped that Dean's presence in his life would, one day, be enough to eradicate the constant feeling.

After a few more seconds of speculating, Cas decided that he didn't want to waste all of Dean's hot water, and hastily turned the shower off. He stepped out of the shower awkwardly, opened his wet suitcase, and realised that almost everything inside was either uncomfortably damp or absolutely dripping wet, which meant: no clothes, no towel.

Damn it, Cas knew that not buying that expensive, waterproof suitcase that one time had been a mistake.

Sighing to himself; really, this was beginning to turn into a bit of a fiasco, Cas wandered around the bathroom - still dripping wet - and eventually managed to locate Dean's fluffy white towels, which, thankfully, were kept in a cupboard just to the left of the bathroom. Again, he hoped that Dean wouldn't mind him using all of his stuff.

With a towel wrapped around his waist, Cas closed his eyes briefly, and started rummaging through his suitcase; looking for something - _anything - _he could wear until the rest of his clothes dried. He was okay with using Dean's soap and and towels, but Cas absolutely drew the line at wearing Dean's clothes.

Luckily, however, Cas managed to locate a patch of semi-dry clothes in the middle of his suitcase. He pulled them out eagerly, before his face dropped as he realised what the clothes were. A brightly coloured scarf that he never wore, a raincoat which would have been helpful an hour ago, and the bright blue tie that he wore almost as much as his trench coat, despite the fact that he didn't really have anywhere formal enough to wear it to.

Fortunately, wrapped up in the bundle, Cas also found a pair of black, mid-thigh boxer shorts and two mismatched socks; one sock bright red, the other blue and grey striped. Those would have to do.

After pulling on the boxers and socks - an interesting and eccentric combination of clothing and colours, Cas had to admit - he wandered into the living room, and eyed the fireplace contemplatively. His exposed torso and thighs were making him cold, and he really needed to dry his clothes before Dean got back. On the other hand, though, Cas could just see everything going spectacularly badly, and he really didn't want to be the first roommate Dean had trusted to be alone in the apartment who had managed to set it on fire.

Ah, Cas was sure that even _he _could light a fire without setting the room ablaze. And he was sure that - if it came to it - he'd be able to put the fire out with minimal damage to the surroundings.

He walked over and crouched down in front of the fireplace, and noticed the stack of old newspapers beside the wicker basket. He grabbed a paper, and started ripping the pages into small shreds.

Cas had to admit it - he was a bit of a novice at lighting fires. He'd always wanted a fireplace, because he found them nice in a rustic sort of way, but all the apartments he'd ever lived in had always had barely-working central heating. Idly, Cas wondered why Dean's apartment had a fireplace, before deciding that it was because he lived in the nice part of Lawrence.

As he worked on the fire, Cas speculated in the way he did best.

It was nice, in this flash city apartment with its working microwave and a fridge that probably stayed cold and a shower with actual hot water. The television wasn't a crappy little box set, and, from where he was crouched, Cas could see that there was a DVD player hooked up to it.

That could be nice. Watching silly DVDs with Dean, a fire burning in the background, feeling content and at peace.

_Hm._

And Cas knew that he was going to be very happy indeed.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Hey, readers! (: How is everyone? It's Friday already, haha. It only feels like Wednesday or something. But whatever.

Not very many of you reviewed last chapter, so this week's Wall of Fame is teeny tiny. But a MASSIVE thank you to: _Gustin azz_a (for all five reviews, thanks!), _missiontothestars_ and _BekaForEver_. You guys - like I always say - are amazing and lovely and beautiful and yeah. Every single review made me grin like an idiot. :P

Please review this chapter if you enjoy it~! And I'll see you all here on Tuesday!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Six.

After Cas had managed to hang all of his clothes up around the living room to dry, he wasn't quite sure what to do next. He couldn't properly unpack, not with all his clothes strewn about the place, and he really didn't have very many possessions that weren't clothing.

In want of something to do, Cas perched himself at the end of the large sofa, clasping his strangely clammy hands together inelegantly. The large room seemed eerily quiet, Cas noticed, and it unnerved him slightly. His old apartment had never felt so… so _wrong _in all the silence.

But there was also another feeling that Cas got from the apartment. It was almost as though it was begging to explored - praying for someone to get lost in all of its hidden nooks and buried memories.

And, with at least six long hours until Dean got back from work, Cas was more than happy to oblige.

There was a bookshelf located to the right of the fireplace, and that too was crammed with books. But, on the bottom shelf, Cas noticed something that looked suspiciously like a collection of battered photo albums. He got up of the sofa, and walked over to crouch down in front of the bookshelf. He was right; there were two dusty old photo albums stacked against a large encyclopaedia.

Cas pulled one of the photo albums out of the bookshelf, and sat down cross-legged on the carpet. Curiously, he opened the album, and was greeted with a picture of a young, smiling blonde woman with a baby in her arms. The description beside the old photo read, _"Mary and Dean in the hospital. January 24__th__, 1979."_

Cas had never seen a picture of himself as a child, and it pleased him that Dean's parents had obviously loved him enough to think about these things. One grew out of being a child so quickly, and it was always nice to have the memories stored somewhere in a physical form.

Cas focused his attention back on the photo album in his lap. Mary looked like Dean, he noticed. She had the same smile that he had already recognised in Dean; her eyes all warm and bright, but they lacked the mesmerising green of Dean's. Cas wondered where the vibrant emerald had come from.

Smiling lightly to himself, Cas continued to flick through the pages. The pictures were all of the young Dean and his parents in different places; the beach, their garden, the park. Dean's father - at least, Cas presumed the man was Dean's father - looked nice too; dark haired and handsome.

The pictures continued in a similar fashion until a date labelled _'May 2__nd__, 1983'_, when a new baby entered the picture. Cas could only assume that this was Sam, the brother with the books who was studying law at Stanford. He was expecting Sam to have the same blonde-brown hair as Dean, but as he flicked through the pages, Cas noticed that the baby's hair was dark and unruly, much like his father's.

It seemed as though Dean and Sam had experienced a very happy childhood, but then - around the time when Sam would have been maybe six months old - the photos simply stopped. Granted, Cas was nearing the end of the album, but there were still spaces for at least twenty photos.

_Hm. _Cas wondered where all of the memories had gone.

Inquisitively, he pulled out the other photo album, and opened it, eager to see what the next photo documenting the life of the Winchesters was. The photo that greeted Cas was of an unsmiling, twelve-year old Dean, and it surprised him. Why wasn't Dean happy? And why had there been such a big gap between photos? Judging from the last album, the Winchesters had taken photographic evidence of everything they had done with their boys - even mundane trips to the supermarket were deserving of photos, it seemed.

There were only about fifteen photos in the next album, and all of them were crudely taken; out of focus and crooked. It was like someone had been trying their best to recreate the happiness that was so evident in the last album, but they had failed miserably.

With a dull feeling in the pit of his stomach, Cas put the photo albums back on the shelf. He didn't know what had suddenly turned the Winchester's lives upside down, but maybe, one day, Dean would tell him.

* * *

When the little clock on the microwave told him that it was twenty to one, Cas was still hanging around in his boxer shorts and socks. But his other clothes were almost dry, and the house hadn't burnt down, so he was feeling rather optimistic about the whole thing.

He was just thinking about what he should do for lunch - after a brief Google search a few days ago, he'd learnt that there was a nice burger shop down the road - when he heard the door opening behind him.

Cas whirled around, expecting a brawny prowler with some sort of weapon to be snarling at the door. He wasn't quite sure what he would have done, had it been an intruder, because hand-to-hand combat wasn't one of his strengths, and he really doubted that Dean would have a handy gun lying around.

Fortunately - or, unfortunately, depending on how Cas looked at the situation - the person in the doorway was an amused-looking Dean, whose lips were curled upwards in a smirk, his fair eyebrows raised.

"Hiya, Cas." Dean chuckled, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. "How're things here?"

Cas felt himself turning a regrettable crimson - here he was, trying to make a good impression on his new roommate, standing in the middle of his living room in only his pants and odd socks.

"Uh, hello, Dean." Cas finally answered, clearing his throat awkwardly. "I- I wasn't expecting you back here until after five o'clock."

But then Cas realised that was probably the wrong thing to say, because it implied that he was walking around in his pants because he thought he wouldn't get caught.

Dean smiled cheerfully, and moved into the kitchen to put a brown paper bag down on the countertop.

"I thought I'd come and see how you were getting on. It's my lunch break now." he explained. "And I see…" Dean smirked at Cas, and gestured to all of the clothes hung up around the fireplace. "You've certainly made yourself at home."

Cas fidgeted awkwardly, resisting the urge to wrap his arms around his naked torso. "I'm sorry." he said, dismayed that Dean probably thought he was some sort of crazy freak who wandered around half-naked on a permanent basis. "I was on my way over, and it started to rain, and all of my clothes got wet, and my suitcase is-"

Dean waved his hands dismissively, and bent down to grab two china plates from the cupboard underneath the counter. "Hey, you don't need to explain yourself, Cas." he said, putting the plates on the table. "It doesn't bother me. It's fine."

Cas gave an inward sigh of relief, and drifted over to where Dean was taking two burgers out of the paper bag. They were probably from down the road, and they smelt just as good as the internet had told him they would.

"You hungry?" Dean asked, glancing over at Cas expectantly. "I bought a burger for you too, because I thought you'd be hungry after all that walking. And I figured you'd be too polite to help yourself to whatever's in the pantry." Dean chuckled to himself, obviously in good spirits.

Cas nodded his head in response to Dean's question, and took a plate from him; eying the burger greedily. Dean was right - he _was _starving, and it looked delicious.

"These are possibly the best burgers in the entire world- though don't hold me to that. I could be wrong. I've heard there's a pretty good burger shop somewhere in Oregon, so I'll have to go there one day to properly decide where you can buy the very best." Dean hummed, fishing around in the fridge, and coming out with a jar of what Cas thought looked like mayonnaise.

"Thank you, Dean, for the burger." Cas murmured, watching as Dean heaped a spoonful of the foul-smelling stuff onto his burger. Dean then put the mayonnaise back in the fridge, and made his way over to the dining table in the corner of the room. Cas followed meekly. "It looks very nice. And, please, let me pay you back."

Because there was nothing that Cas hated more than owing somebody something, or being a burden to someone. He had never coped well with debts - small or large, it never made a difference - because, in his experience, they usually blew up in his face, and made him panic.

Dean shot him an incredulous look, before his eyes softened, and he chuckled under his breath. "Listen, Cas, if you're going to live here with me, then you're gonna have to let me buy you crap, okay?"

Cas's eyebrows drew together in confusion, and, clumsily, he sat down in the chair across from Dean. "That's very kind of you, but I don't want to be a liability."

Dean rolled his eyes playfully, and took a big bite of his burger. "Well, then you can buy me food too, okay? We don't have to pay halves for everything, you know. Sometimes I'll buy all the food, sometimes you can buy all the food." he said through a mouthful of burger. "That way we won't end up owing each other money or whatever. Okay?"

Cas nodded, pleased with the proposition. "Okay."

The burgers tasted as good as the internet told him they would, too.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Hiya, guys~! I hope everyone is well, and not feeling too bad about going back to school soon. :P But if so, uh, here's a new chapter to cheer you up...?

I got so many reviews last chapter, oh my gosh. I love you guys so much! So, a huge hug and a thanks from me to all the people featuring on today's WALL OF FAME: _Halit, BekaForEver, liife2uck2, more-profound-bond _(it's fine about not reviewing last chapter, haha!), _AlexandraBelleRose, Gustin azza, missiontothestars, lessien Amandil, tii-chan17 _(for both your reviews!), _Casismyfavorite _(for both your reviews, too!), and, finally, _jfkgotblownaway_! You guys are so amazing, I love all your reviews! THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT! And I hope you keep on giving it. (:

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

_~Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Seven.

Cas's first evening with Dean was far different from what he'd been expecting. As someone who had never had a roommate in their life, Cas had been expecting that they'd have dinner, say goodnight to each other ridiculously early, and then retire into their separate rooms for the evening.

But, so far, what was actually happening was far more enjoyable.

It had started off with Dean announcing that he was going to make dinner. He had asked if Cas had any requests - to which, of course, Cas had answered 'no', because you couldn't really have requests on your very first night, could you?

Dean had then proceeded to defrost some mince that had been stored in his freezer, and, with a little bit of Cas's very awkward help, had thrown together a very nice lasagne that Cas was sure tasted better than any home cooked meal he had ever eaten in his life.

After eating, Cas had insisted on doing the dishes, even though Dean had told him not to bother, and that he'd tackle them in the morning. But, of course, Cas couldn't just _leave _the dishes sitting on the kitchen counter - half of it politeness, the other half a weird sort of OCD - and so he had washed the dishes and watched Dean poke at the fire a bit more.

And then Cas had mentioned that he was going to his room, and he was surprised to notice that Dean's face had fallen. Cas had briefly wondered why, before kicking himself for not realizing it sooner. Dean had told him that one of the reasons he had advertised for a roommate was because he got lonely, and here Cas was, suggesting that they part for the night at a mere eight o'clock in the evening.

Of course, Dean, the perfect gentleman, had waved Cas off to bed, with cheerful promises of, _'See you tomorrow morning!' _and friendly imperatives like, _'Sleep well!'_, but it had only taken five minutes before Cas backtracked, and wandered back into the living room under the pretense that he 'wanted to see what was on the television'.

So, now, here he was, sitting at one end of Dean's delightfully swanky sofa, his feet curled up underneath him comfortably. Dean, of course, was at the other end; sprawled out inelegantly, socked feet propped up on the coffee table in front of said sofa.

"So, Cas. Tell me a little about yourself." Dean instructed lazily, pushing his head back against the cushions, and emitting a comfortable, quiet moan at the contact.

Cas was silent for a second, wondering what he could possibly tell Dean about himself. He wasn't an exciting person, not at all, and the only things he could talk about were the tragedies he had faced, and he _definitely _did not want to bore Dean with his woes.

"There's not really much to say." Cas decided on a few seconds later, quietly picking at the fluff on the cushion to his right. "I'm not an interesting person at all."

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, his bright eyes amused. "Sure you are."

Cas said nothing.

"Okay then. What are your hobbies?" Dean asked, scratching lightly at his forehead.

Cas thought for a second. What _did _he enjoy doing? Reading, mostly. Quite often writing, though he didn't think he was any good, despite how much he enjoyed it. Damn it, how uninteresting could he make himself sound? Why couldn't he have an interesting hobby? Like fixing cars - which was surely Dean's hobby - or playing a foreign instrument, or even working with wood? But no. He enjoyed reading and writing; surely two of the most cliché hobbies out there.

"Cas?" Dean prompted, moving his feet from the coffee table to poke at Cas's thigh gently with his toe.

"I… I don't have many exciting hobbies," Cas admitted, "but I like reading, and I enjoy writing, even though I'm not very good."

Dean perked up slightly. "You like writing? That's cool. What do you write?"

Cas smiled to himself. Of course Dean would be interested with whatever he said his hobbies were - even something as ordinary as writing. It seemed as though he was just that type of person; infinitely fascinated with anything and everything.

"I write poetry, mostly."

Dean nodded his head. "That's pretty cool. I can't write to save my life. What kind of things do you talk about in your poems?"

Cas faltered slightly, and looked down at his lap briefly, before glancing back up into Dean's astonishing eyes. "Uh, mainly death, I suppose."

Dean's eyebrows shot up, and Cas instantly wished he hadn't answered truthfully. Way to point out that he was a nutjob with some pretty freaky mental issues.

"That's, uh, pretty… dark. Is there a reason for that? Have you… Have you lost someone important?"

Cas felt himself freeze up, and he shook his head minutely, lips pressed together in a thin line, fingers curling up into tight fists - not threatening, just scared.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Because it was far too early for him to be telling Dean his tragic back story. Perhaps he could, one day, but for now, Cas needed it to be his little secret, the thing that kept him - and only him - lying awake at night; sobbing and tired, yet unable to do anything about it.

Instead of telling Dean all of this, Cas turned his eyes to his roommate to watch his reaction. Cas expected Dean to rush in with the usual sorrows; _oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I wasn't thinking, god, look at me, such an idiot, ha ha, always putting my foot in it._

But instead of all the over-the-top apologies, Dean nodded his head, and gave Cas a remorseful smile. "All right. I'm sorry for bringing it up." Calm. _Sincere_. Dean really was something special, Cas decided.

There was a bit of a silence then, and Cas fidgeted awkwardly, sighing inwardly because he'd - unsurprisingly - managed to make the atmosphere uncomfortable.

But then Dean spoke up, his eyes soft and sad. "You know, I lost someone once. My mom. She died when I was very young, but I still think about her a lot, and sometimes I wonder what she'd think of me now."

So that was the story of the missing photos, then. Dean's mother had passed away - poor, poor Mary Winchester, with her eyes that smiled like Dean's. Cas supposed that it had just hurt far too much to take happy family photos when such a key individual was missing.

The Winchesters must have been very family orientated, Cas decided, because there had been an eight year time skip in the photo albums, which was a large fraction of childhood to have missed out on.

But… Well, Cas was surprised that Dean's mother had actually died. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't this. Not the death of Mary. Dean seemed like such a happy person, and it was hard to believe that he'd had such horrible things happen to him too.

Cas had never had anyone in his life who'd been through something similar to him. He had always been the odd one out - the only one who'd personally been touched by death's unrelenting fingers.

So to meet someone who knew what it felt like to lose a loved one; someone who understood the raw, aching hole he felt in his chest… well, Cas didn't think that Dean Winchester could get any more remarkable.

"I'm sorry." Cas said quietly, folding his hands in his lap. "How did it- how did it happen?"

"A house fire. She was in my brother's room when it caught fire, and she… well, she burnt to death. We only just managed to get my brother out alive. He's incredibly lucky, and I think he forgets that sometimes."

Cas felt a pang of sadness for the two Winchester boys; knowing that their mom had burnt to death - slowly and painfully - must be hard for them. But Cas supposed it didn't really matter how people died. In the end, there was always someone missing, and always someone hurting.

And to know that Dean was hurting too… well, Cas didn't feel quite so alone anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Hi, guys! (: How is everyone? I hope life's treating you all well. So, whoo, Friday update! (: I'm writing the last few chapters now, and I'm getting all emotional, so, um, yay for pain...? I will say it now, though, there is a happy ending. Just in case anyone was worried or something.

Oh, and, um, sorry to all the people who are frustrated at not knowing Cas's past! You'll get half of it in chapter twelve. (:

It's time for this week's WALL OF FAME! (: A massive thanks to these great people: _KmKizmet, tii-chan17, missiontothestars, lessien Amandil_, _BekaForEver_, _more-profound-bond_, G_ustin azza_, _Casismyfavorite,_ and, finally, _becca65d! _You guys are AMAZING! I love all of your support, thank you so much. :P

See you all on Tuesday, friends! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Eight.

The next day was a Thursday, which meant that Dean was off to work again; awake bright and early at six o'clock in the morning.

Dean wasn't particularly quiet in the mornings, Cas noticed. Perhaps it was because he was used to living alone - it had, after all, been a few months since he had shared the apartment with his brother - and he had probably forgotten about Cas's presence.

So when Dean clattered around in the kitchen, making himself breakfast, Cas thought that it would be rude - seeing as he was now awake - not to wander in and say goodbye to his roommate.

When Cas emerged from his - very nice and surprisingly large - bedroom, Dean jumped in surprise, spilling some of his coffee on his shirt.

"Oh, hey there, Cas." he said, reaching for a tea towel to wipe at his shirt with. "I hope I didn't wake you. I keep forgetting that you live here now." He chuckled to himself, and, having cleaned up his shirt, poured some milk on his bland-looking cereal.

"You didn't wake me." Cas lied, following Dean into the living room. Again, he perched at one end of the sofa, and watched as Dean tried to balance his full bowl on his knees without spilling the milk all over the sofa.

"That's good. So, what are your plans for today? I might be home a little earlier than yesterday, so hopefully you won't have to amuse yourself for too long." Dean said through a mouthful of muesli.

Cas considered the question quietly, before finally speaking up. "What is there to do around here?"

Dean's eyebrows furrowed thoughtfully. "Not too much, I don't think. You could wander around the shops, but it'll be cold outside." he said, casting a fleeting glance towards the windows. "You could just stay in here and watch crap daytime TV."

Cas nodded to himself, and shivered in the cool air, despite the fact that he was wearing his toasty-warm dressing gown.

"Oh, and feel free to, you know-" Dean gestured lazily towards the fireplace with his spoon. "-keep yourself warm."

"I will, thank you." Cas replied, and then, after a few seconds, added: "Do you think your brother would mind if I read some of his books?"

Dean grinned at him, and shoveled another mouthful of muesli into his mouth. "Nah. He'll be glad to have someone to talk about them with. Complete nerd, my brother."

Cas was pleased with that answer. He liked the mysteries and dramas of books, and found contentment in the amazing dream worlds within. Sam certainly had a wide range of novels, and Cas could only see a few that he had already read. But it was only then that Cas registered what Dean had said.

_He'll be glad to have someone to talk about them with._

"Will I be meeting Sam, or…?" Cas asked, feigning nonchalance, despite the fact that he was already starting to feel slightly panicky. Meeting and moving in with Dean was one thing, and, though he liked Dean, Cas wasn't quite sure how he felt about having to talk politely to another stranger.

Dean glanced over at him, his eyebrows furrowing. "Only if you want to. You don't like meeting new people, huh?"

Well, Dean had seen straight through his attempt at indifference, it seemed.

Cas shrugged awkwardly, and turned his gaze to the fluffy carpet. "Not really, no. Strangers make me… uncomfortable."

Dean nodded, and returned to his cereal. Cas was relieved that Dean didn't bring up the fact that he had accepted him so quickly - that could have been a bit of an awkward conversation to enter into.

"Well, I'm sure you'll like Sam." Dean commented quietly, after a few seconds of silent eating. "He's a right old geek, that one. But you don't have to meet him if you don't want to."

Cas sighed inwardly; frustrated with himself and his stupid social anxieties. He hated how his low self-esteem and pointless nervousness made meeting new people such a big issue, but he just couldn't help it. And he knew that meeting Sam would be a good thing to do, but he just… couldn't.

* * *

After he had finished eating his breakfast, got dressed, and brushed his teeth, Dean left the apartment with a cheery wave at six thirty three precisely, leaving Cas to sit, alone, at his already-established end of the sofa.

Already, Cas felt the insistent whispers of loneliness, and he wondered why. He'd never been the type who was easily lonesome; he usually enjoyed the peace that isolation provided him.

But here he was, with at least nine hours stretched out in front of him with nothing to do.

An eclectic combination of sounds that was supposed to be some mainstream pop song suddenly blared out from his phone; alerting Cas that he had received a text message. Curiously, he pulled his phone towards him - the only texts he ever received were from the phone company, alerting to him to more special deals that he wouldn't ever buy.

But this one was from Dean.

_You could always go to the gym down the road, if that's your kind of thing. -Dean_

Cas smiled to himself, pleased with his budding friendship with Dean. Everyone knew that once you started texting someone, it meant that you liked them, right?

Painstakingly slowly, Cas typed out his reply; squinting at the screen when it offered him helpful hints at what it thought he was trying to write. He'd never fully understood the concept of autocorrect; he'd seen enough evidence to conclude that, usually, it just made conversations more awkward than initially planned.

_It's not really, but thank you anyway. -Cas_

He pressed send and put his phone down, expecting that to be the end of the conversation. But, to his delight, Dean texted back instantly, causing Cas's phone to start up with the truly awful pop song again.

_They do yoga classes, if that interests you more. -Dean_

Cas smirked to himself, and started his reply.

_Oh really? Are you sure that's not more your thing? I can imagine you sporting some nice lycra, Dean. -Cas_

Immediately after sending the text, Cas felt himself panic. What if Dean didn't recognize his message as a joke? What if Dean thought he was being rude? What if it was far too early in their friendship to be poking fun at each other?

_Ouch. I'll have you know that I'm much more of a weight lifting man myself, actually. -Dean_

Cas shook his head fondly, feeling more joyful in that moment than he had for what felt like forever. Dean Winchester was going to be the start of something good for him, and, for the first time in years, Cas wasn't afraid.

_I'm sure you are. -Cas._


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Hey, guys~! I hope you're all well, and not too depressed about having to go back to school. (*cries, because school*) Okay, so notes. Don't worry, things will start picking up in a few chapters, and DRAMATIC THINGS will happen. (:

Okay... So, in response to _tii-chan17's _speculating: ahaha, *shifty eyes*. You do know me too well, because, yeap, Sam's definitely turning up soon...

In response to _missiontothestars's _questions: firstly, um... they're mainly bad emotions at the moment, but don't worry, I've felt a lot of happy emotions when writing this, too! And, secondly, well, I did think about it a lot, but I decided to keep it at Cas, because I thought that made it more... personal? There are three chapters in Dean's POV, but those are much later on, and are there for a reason. (:

In response to _AnnieWrites's _kind-of question: there are a LOT (a ridiculous number, really, you'll all get bored and leave half way through!) of chapters left, don't worry! (:

So, time for today's WALL OF FAME! Lots of love to all these wonderful people: _JamOnToasttt_ (for both reviews, thanks!),_Casismyfavorite_, _tii-chan17, missiontothestars_, _more-profound-bond, l__essien Amandil_, _becca65d_, _AnnieWrites _and _Chapa'ai-hi__! _Thank you so much, you're all great. (:

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~  
C_hapter Nine.

Without anyone noticing it, Cas and Dean slipped into a nice, dependable routine.

Dean would get up ridiculously early in the morning and clatter around in the kitchen making breakfast, and Cas would venture out of his room to watch Dean watch the morning news.

Then Dean would go off to work, and a few minutes later, Cas would receive an amusing text message - about either something Dean had seen on his way to work, or some song he liked that he had heard on the radio.

Cas would then laze around the apartment for a few hours; eating the junk food that Dean stored like he expected to be snowed in at some point in the future, watching pointless daytime TV like Dean had suggested, or playing the silly games that Dean had downloaded onto his phone.

But sometimes- sometimes Cas even did productive things, like cleaning the shower, or washing the dishes, or going out grocery shopping - _despite_ the fact that the woman who worked there had a lazy eye and kept calling him 'sweetie'.

And then, after Cas had wasted a significant chunk of his day doing not much, Dean would come home from the garage, and the two would lounge around together, making fun of the copious numbers of reality TV shows and their 'stars'.

Then Dean would suggest that it was time for dinner, and they'd either make something healthy and home-cooked, or, if they were too lazy, they'd order pizza and get it delivered to their door, because, damn it, it was cold outside.

And then after dinner- well, that's when they talked. Really talked. About anything and everything; what made them happy, what made them sad, what they were scared of, what they looked forward to.

And that was the part of the day the Cas dreaded the most; though, at the same time, it was also the part he most enjoyed. He liked listening to Dean's gruff voice, he liked hearing about Dean's life. He just didn't… didn't want Dean to find out about his past.

So he kept his mouth firmly shut about his issues, and chose to, instead, listen to all of Dean's tales.

So far, Cas had learnt all about Dean's brother, Sam. According to Dean - though Cas doubted the credibility of the statement, because he was sure that Dean's pride clouded his judgement a bit - Sam was a genius. He'd always been interested in studying law, and a few months ago, he'd been accepted into Stanford on a full scholarship.

Apparently, Sam was a "real good kid", and - judging by the way Dean spoke about him - a genuinely nice guy with a big heart. He'd been torn up about going off to Stanford because he didn't want Dean to be too lonely on his own, but, in the end, Dean had all but kicked him out of the apartment, with the promise that he'd 'find another roommate'.

Dean told Cas that he'd called Sam the night that Cas had decided he wanted to move in, and, apparently, Sam was overjoyed that Dean wasn't going to be alone anymore. For reasons he didn't quite understand, that made Cas proud; _he _was the one who was keeping Dean company, not anyone else.

Cas had even been able to see a slightly blurry photo of Sam, and, despite Dean's comment about how he was "freaking huge", Cas was certainly surprised by how tall he was. Cas had thought that he was relatively tall at just under six foot, but, apparently, Sam was _six foot four. _

Sam had the same good looks as Dean, what with his nice smile and straight white teeth and messy brown hair that flopped into his bright hazel-green eyes. The Winchester brothers were both extremely attractive, and it made Cas wonder how Dean saw him. He knew he wasn't much to look at; subtly slim, with scruffy hair that was contrastingly dark against his pale skin, and uncomfortably piercing bright blue eyes.

But, all superficial ideas aside, a little part of Cas realised that, maybe, meeting Sam wouldn't be too bad - because if he was anything like Dean, then Cas was sure that he'd instantly like the brother with all the books.

* * *

Twelve days after moving in with Dean, Cas decided that he needed to start earning some money. He couldn't keep relying on Dean's kindness forever, and pretty soon he'd need to start buying things for himself, like a new laptop. His old one - which he considered one of his most loved possessions - was getting old, and almost every day for the past week, Cas had had to physically push the off button to get it to shut down.

But Cas didn't particularly want to work. He liked staying at home, in the apartment, and he didn't want to go out and work with people he didn't know. He'd already been fired because of his personal issues, and - even though meeting Dean had muffled the impact of his past on his life - he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold down a proper job.

So, ideally? He needed something he could do from home.

Pondering, Cas wandered over to the sofa, and curled up into a tight ball, his knees pressed to his chest. He squeezed his eyes closed, and tried to think of all of the possible jobs that he wouldn't hate doing.

After a few minutes, it suddenly hit him with an incredible force. He could write a book! Though he enjoyed writing poems the most, Cas had always been intrigued with the struggles that writing realistic character development brought with it.

Eagerly, Cas pulled out his phone to text Dean with his career idea.

_I am thinking of writing a novel. Thoughts? -Cas_

Though Dean was supposed to be working, he texted back immediately, and his message conveyed an overwhelming amount of excitement. Trust Dean to be so enthusiastic about everything.

_Wow, that's great, Cas! Do you know what you want to write about yet? -Dean_

Cas smiled to himself, not at all discouraged by the fact that he really didn't have a clue what his book was going to be about.

_Not yet, though I'm sure I'll think of something. -Cas_

Discarding his phone, Cas went into his bedroom and fetched his laptop, before sitting back down on the sofa, his laptop perched optimistically on his knees.

He turned it on, and waited through the inevitable ten minutes of loading, before he opened up a fresh document, and sat there simply staring at the screen; willing it to tell him what he should write.

A romantic comedy? No, Cas didn't understand how relationships worked, and he'd probably end up writing a novel that - inadvertently - focused on the neglect and abuse of certain relationships, with his poor attempts as humour woven in between the awkward physical scenes.

A series of action-packed thrillers? No, Cas couldn't really stomach gore anymore, and he didn't want to write something that involved a lot of fighting. He wanted to write something a bit more sobering; something original.

So, what _could _he write about? He didn't know much about the world, except for that fact that it wasn't fair. It was harsh and cold and unforgiving, and not everyone got the happy endings they deserved.

And, as soon as he realised that, Cas couldn't stop the words from flowing.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: Hello, my lovely readers! (: How are we all doing? Probably not so well, because SCHOOL, but hopefully things will settle down soon! (:

So, apparently, FF wasn't letting people review for a bit on Tuesday? Typical. So a big thanks to those people who might have read the chapter, not reviewed, but came back a few days later and did review. (: You guys make my day.

Time for today's WALL OF FAME! *Dramatic drumming* All the internet hugs in the world to: _more-profound-bond, __liife2uck2_, _lessien Amandil_, dancingonthehorizon, _Chapa'ai-hi_, G_ustin azza _(for both reviews!), a _guest, __becca65d_, _missiontothestars_ and _tii-chan17! _Thanks, guys! All your lovely words made my pretty crap week. (:

See you all on Tuesday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Ten.

When Dean got home that night, Cas was still hunched over his laptop, his fingers typing furiously as he tried to get all of his ideas down; his words jumbling in his eagerness not to forget anything.

"Hey, Cas." Dean said, closing the door behind him, before he threw his keys down on the kitchen bench.

Cas jumped in surprise; he'd completely lost track of time because he'd been too absorbed in his writing. He twisted his head towards the door, and regarded his roommate with friendly eyes.

"Hello, Dean. How was work?" Cas asked politely, setting his laptop down on the sofa. He got up and ambled over to where Dean was taking his boots off, and hovered awkwardly in a way that he thought Dean would find unnerving, but didn't.

"Cold." Dean flashed him a bright smile, and took his scarf off. "Cold, but fine. Anyway, we've got more important things to talk about, rather than my work. You're writing a book?"

Cas nodded.

"Huh. Is that what you were doing when I came in?" Dean asked, walking over to the fireplace to warm his hands over the flickering blaze. "Have you made a decision on what it's going to be about?"

Cas went over to the sofa, and sat back down. "Yes, I was drafting the first chapter, and yes, I have decided what I'm going to write about."

"What's it going to be on then, oh great one?" Dean asked, walking back over to the kitchen to peer lazily into the fully-stocked pantry.

"The unfairness of society, and how we don't always - if we ever - get what we want." Cas replied casually, hoisting his laptop back onto his knees. "And also the pointlessness of societal expectations, the harsh reality of our idealistic attitude towards love and happiness, and the broad, varying outlook towards death."

"Wow, don't get too happy there, Cas." Dean said sarcastically, his head still in the pantry. "You might sprain something, and we don't want that to happen."

Cas shrugged his shoulders, more to himself than to Dean. "I want it to be a book that tells the truth about the world. I don't want it to be a lie."

Dean pulled his head out of the cupboard - having retrieved a packet of potato chips - and cast Cas a look; a sad, sympathetic look that said so much without saying anything at all.

"You don't want it to be a lie?" Dean's eyebrows furrowed, and he moved into the living room to sit at his end of the sofa. "What do you mean?"

Cas chose his words carefully. "I think that the idea of happiness is a lie." he finally murmured, keeping his eyes fixed on his laptop's keyboard. "I don't think that someone can ever actually be properly happy. I think there's always going to be something in life to ruin everything."

Dean was silent for a few moments, and Cas regretted speaking up. Why did he always have to make things so awkward? Why did he have to portray himself as such a sad, lifeless person? Especially to the ever-blissful Dean, who surely saw the world through a pair of rose-tinted glasses.

"You… You don't think that it's possible to be truly happy?" Dean asked quietly, his eyes full of a sympathetic concern that made Cas want to squirm uncomfortably. "You don't think that _you'll_ ever be happy?"

Cas shook his head firmly. "No."

Because that was the truth. As much as he wanted to believe that he could escape the horrors of everything that had happened to him, Cas didn't think that even Dean would be able to drown his demons.

"That's… sad, Cas. The-" Dean paused uneasily, obviously trying to decide whether or not he should say what was going through his head. "…The person you lost really was important to you, then, huh?"

Cas could feel his fingers shaking slightly as he traced gentle patterns against the keyboard in his lap. He kept his gaze resolutely downwards; self-conscious in all of Dean's concern.

"People."

Out of the corner of his traitorous eyes - eyes that, for some unexplainable reason, found themselves magnetically drawn to Dean's handsome face - Cas saw that Dean raised a confused eyebrow. "What?"

And then Cas looked up properly; his eyes now blazing and unreadable. "The _people_ that I lost. They were important to me. _Very _important." He could hear his voice cracking, and he could feel the familiar burning sensation at the back of his eyes, but he wasn't going to cry. Not here, not now, not in this safe haven he had created for himself.

Dean inhaled sharply, surprised at Cas's response. "Shit- I'm sorry, Cas. Look, let's not talk about it anymore." He leant forwards to lightly pat Cas on the knee, but then pulled back; obviously thinking the better of it. "I don't want to upset you. But… if you do want to open up, you know you can always talk to me, right? I'm a good listener."

Cas nodded tightly, averting his eyes again. "…Thank you, Dean. It's just, I've never… I don't like to speak to people about what happened. Talking doesn't make it better, like they say it does. It just makes me remember too much."

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah, I understand, Cas, I do. I'll be here when you're ready. Now, do you want to watch some interesting reality TV? I think the Kardashians are on."

* * *

After watching an hour and a half of what seemed like a 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' marathon (which both men had started watching ironically, but, by the end, were completely enthralled with what was happening on the screen), Dean decided that it was time for food.

"Now, can you be bothered with cooking something?" Dean asked from his sprawled-out, taking-up-three-quarters-of-the-sofa position - which, frankly, Cas thought looked horrendously uncomfortable. His head was practically resting on Cas's thigh, because he'd insisted that he needed to stretch his legs out over the sofa to avoid getting cramp.

"No. I think we should get take-out." Cas commented from his little ball right at the end of the sofa. "I feel like burgers."

Dean groaned dramatically, sat up, and ran a hand through his already-sticking-out-at-weird-angles hair. "But the burger shop doesn't deliver, and I'll probably freeze to death if I go outside now. Why don't we get pizza? They deliver, and I know you love that spicy Italian one."

Cas gave a murmur of pretend disapproval, and ignored Dean's statement about the spicy Italian pizza, because it was true; he did love it. "Hm. That's a bit of a weak argument, Dean." His eyes flickered over to the window, and he was pleased to notice that it wasn't raining, nor was it snowing.

"Really? You think the possibility of me freezing to death is a 'weak argument'?" Dean chuckled under his breath, and shook his head lightly. "I don't see you volunteering to venture out into the cold and get them."

Cas gave Dean a hopeful look, mustering up his very best puppy eyes. "I'll come with you, and I'll even pay. You can get extra bacon on yours and everything."

Cas had learnt a very-much guaranteed way of keeping Dean happy; promise him either bacon, alcohol or pie, and he'd be content for a few hours.

Dean made a mock-annoyed noise and stood up, before he stretched in a rather extravagant way, his shoulders making odd popping noises that Cas didn't think sounded very healthy.

"Okay, fine. Let's go and get you your burgers, but only-" he pointed a finger at Cas, "-only because you had a bit of an emotional moment back there."

Cas smiled at Dean, and was surprised by the sincerity of it. He didn't smile often - though, that didn't surprise him, because Cas didn't consider himself to be a particularly happy person - though, when he did smile, he usually felt false. But Dean- he made Cas break all of his rules.

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean flashed him a grin. "It's all right. Now, come on, grab your coat, we don't want it to close before we get there. Otherwise we really will have to get pizza, and I'll be annoyed because we could have had it delivered."

Cas clambered off the sofa, and pulled his trench coat off the coat-stand that stood tall in the corner of the living room, and wrapped it tightly around his body. He watched Dean do the same with his green jacket, and then he smiled again.

This thoughtfulness, this kindness, this unwavering support so early in their budding friendship? This was why he liked Dean.


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Hello, friends. How is everyone? I can't believe it's Tuesday already, wow.

So, there was a HUGE response to last chapter, thank you so much, guys! (: So, the lovely people on today's WALL OF FAME are: _jfkgotblownaway, KmKizmet, Shadowhuntergirl1879, Tillthewheelsfalloff_ (I'm really glad to hear that I've helped you in some way!) _more-profound-bond, Casismyfavourite _(for both of your reviews!), _Gustin azza, missiontothestars, tii-chan17, becca65d, ____lessien Amandil_, and _CanadaLover008764_. Thank you so much, you're all so amazing and lovely and argh!

Hopefully we'll hit one hundred reviews this chapter, and then we can have a little party! Because, next chapter (which is a continuation of this chapter), some of Cas's past will be revealed! Dun dun duuun...

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

_~Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Eleven.

Cas had always hated power cuts. They were inconvenient and painfully boring, because, of course, they only ever happened in the evenings, when all the things to do required electricity. Cas always ended the powerless evenings wrapped up in seven sweaters and four blankets, because his old apartment had only had electric heating that went off too, which, he supposed, added to the already horrible atmosphere.

So, when Cas experienced his very first power cut with Dean - five weeks after moving in with him - he was exceptionally pleased that the apartment had a fire place that was far too superior to be affected by a loss of electricity.

"I'm glad we have a fireplace." Cas commented, walking into the living room with a few thick blankets in his arms. "My old apartment always used to lose all heat when there was a power cut."

Dean, who was at the other side of the room lighting two dozen little tea-light candles, chuckled. "Yeah. Another reason why fireplaces are so awesome."

It was nine o'clock at night, and the power had been out for five minutes. There was a terrific storm raging outside, and Cas was thankful that Dean's apartment didn't let the wind in, like his old one had.

"Pity about the TV, though." Dean commented wistfully. "Now we'll never know what happened to the muscly guy in the helicopter."

Cas smiled to himself, but didn't let Dean see it. "I'm sure he survived. They don't tend to kill off the main characters in the first half hour, I've noticed."

Dean grinned at him, and moved around the apartment, dotting the little candles everywhere until it almost looked like they had the lights on.

"Let there be light!" Dean gestured towards the glowing room dramatically, his face all happy and childish in the flickering orange lights. "Thank God for Sam, and his weird obsession with little candles."

"You don't seem too annoyed that we've lost all of our electricity," Cas noted, passing Dean a blanket, "despite that fact that you'll never truly know that fate of the poor old protagonist."

Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, well, it could be worse. And, hey, you never know, we could have a lot of fun."

Cas nodded his head in silent agreement, and wandered over to the kitchen. "But we haven't had anything to eat, and we can't use the oven or the stove anymore."

Dean's eyes widened dramatically, and he strode into the kitchen and flung open the fridge door.

"Damn it, Cas, we're going to starve. We don't really have much in here." he said, peering at the half-block of cheese, the pickled olives that no one wanted to eat, and the chocolate biscuits that he'd managed to convince Cas to buy.

Cas frowned. "Do you have a gas cooker?"

Dean thought for a second, and, completely randomly, Cas noticed how pretty his eyes were in the muted light. They were a subdued, dusky sort of green, and Cas could see the reflection of the iridescent candles echoed in his pupils.

"Yeah, I think I do, actually. I think Sammy bought one so that we could go on some sort of weird-ass camping trip." Dean said suddenly, his face lighting up in recognition. "I'll go and see if I can find it, I'll be back in a second."

* * *

After Dean had located the gas cooker, which was an almost impossible task in the dark and had ended up taking two people, he asked, "What are you suggesting we make with this thing?"

"Pancakes." Cas answered, opening the pantry door and pulling out the flour. "We have all of the necessary ingredients, and they're pretty stress-free to make."

Dean grinned at him. "Good thinking, Cas. I haven't had pancakes in ages. What else do we need?"

Cas smiled to himself, fascinated with Dean's juvenile enthusiasm. Sometimes it was like living with a child, but Dean's optimistic happiness was catching. His happy-go-lucky attitude was something that Cas needed in his life, something that helped him to forget that the world was a hideously cruel place.

"Eggs, sugar, a little bit of milk, butter, and baking powder." Cas listed, watching as Dean threw open the pantry doors and hunted for the required ingredients. "I think that's all we need."

Dean turned his head to raise an eyebrow. "You forgot the chocolate chips. You can't have pancakes without chocolate chips in them."

Cas's eyebrows pulled downwards, and he tilted his head to the left ever-so-slightly. "I've never had pancakes with chocolate chips in them."

Dean's reaction was almost violently funny.

"You- _what? _You've never had chocolate chip pancakes? Oh my God, Cas, you haven't lived! Where did you live, in a barn? We need to fix that immediately!" He threw a bag of chocolate chips - heaven knows why they had almost a kilogram of the stuff - at Cas, and the force and enthusiasm of his throw almost bowled Cas over. "Open it up, and we can eat them as we cook."

After they had gathered all of the ingredients, a large mixing bowl and a wooden spoon, Dean turned to Cas with amused eyes.

"Okay, oh wise one, what do we do now? Just add all the ingredients together and then beat the crap out of it? Or are there steps that we should take?" he asked, brandishing the wooden spoon eagerly.

Cas shrugged his shoulders lightly. "I don't really know. I suppose we could just beat the mixture until it looks like batter."

And, twenty minutes later, after much raucous laughter from Dean, the two had managed to get completely covered in flour, and Cas was pretty sure that they would have to actually mop the floor in the morning.

But, nevertheless, they had managed to make three large chocolate-chip pancakes each, and they smelt absolutely delicious.

"Think of all of that chocolatey goodness, Cas." Dean enthused, reaching into the cupboard to pull out a bottle of chocolate sauce. "Can't have chocolate chip pancakes without the chocolate sauce!"

As they sat down in front of the still-off television, Cas asked: "How many calories do you think there are in one of these pancakes?"

Dean, whose mouth was already attractively full, mumbled a barely-audible reply. "Probably a million, but who's counting?"

Cas smiled. It was nice like this, all curled up and warm and happy with Dean. The candles were pretty, and - surprisingly - having no action thriller blaring out from the TV was a welcome change.

Perhaps power cuts weren't really that bad.


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: Happy Friday the Thirteenth, guys! I hope everyone has properly celebrated by watching at least fifty Supernatural episodes. (:

So, anyways, so many of you lovely readers reviewed last chapter! I was so surprised! Thank you thank you thank you to the people on today's WALL OF FAME: a _guest _(no, thank you for nitpicking! I encourage everyone to nitpick!), _liife2uck2, thefreespirit18, ______lessien Amandi_l, _CanadaLover008764_, _Tillthewheelsfalloff, _another_ guest, tii-chan17 _(thanks, ahaha, it was a typo because I am a crap proof-reader...),_becca65d_, _more-profound-bond_, _Gustin azza_, Aliniah, xBeautifullyxxShatteredx, _KmKizmet_ and _Casismyfavorite! _So many people! You guys are all so amazing, honestly, haha. I go all gooey and _awww _when I read your reviews. (:

See you all on Tuesday, and I hope you have a nice weekend!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twelve.

After eating their surprisingly perfect pancakes and deciding to leave all of their dishes for the next day, Dean made a content noise and curled up like a cat on the sofa, completely swathed in blankets.

"You know, this power cut hasn't been so bad." he muttered, yawning. "I enjoyed making pancakes with you. It was fun."

Cas smiled gently, and brought the blanket up around his shoulders.

"I'm glad you moved in, Cas." Dean continued, glancing up at Cas to flash him a genuine smile. "You're a great friend."

And, as the two sat all close and warm and languid in the thick blankets on the sofa, Cas got a sudden, overwhelming urge to tell Dean about the tragedies of his past.

He didn't think that he could tell him about his more recent heartbreak, but Dean deserved to know _something_. He'd been so kind, taking Cas in and paying his rent for him, and, over such a short time, Cas had found himself forming a strong bond with the man; so strong that he thought he could trust Dean with his life.

"Dean, I-" Cas swallowed, and chose his next few words carefully. "I think I want to tell you one half of my past. The less... the less painful half."

Dean sat up, and regarded him with gentle eyes. "Are you sure? You know you don't need to, if you don't want to."

Cas nodded, and Dean smiled. "All right. Do you want me to get tissues?"

And in that moment, Cas felt a surge of affection for his friend that was so powerful that it scared him. Because Dean was just so… so thoughtful and gentle and patient. He wasn't pushing Cas into telling him, though Cas knew that, inside, Dean must be _dying _to know. Dean was an amazing person, and Cas was lucky to have met him.

Instead of voicing all of his fondness for Dean, because Cas thought that might be taking it a little bit too far, Cas said, "No, thank you, Dean. I'm hoping I won't cry. It was a long time ago."

"There's nothing wrong with crying, Cas." Dean murmured, and the same stab of affection was back. "You can't be brave all the time."

Cas considered Dean with curious eyes. "Do you ever cry?"

Dean laughed, and he smiled Cas's favourite, crinkly-eyed smile. "I cry all the time, actually. Mostly in movies - _god_, if you didn't cry at the end of 'The Notebook' then I swear you have no soul - but I cried when Sam left."

"Do you miss him a lot?" Cas asked, and he knew that Dean was telling him all of this so that he wouldn't feel quite so uncomfortable when it was his turn to share.

"Yeah. I mean, we didn't go a day without seeing each other for, what, nineteen years? And then, suddenly, he's just gone, and he's not even in the same state as me anymore." Dean gave a rueful smile. "But it doesn't matter so much anymore. I mean, I've got you now."

Cas nodded his head, his lips turning upwards into a small, gentle smile. "Thank you. I'm glad I moved in with you."

Dean returned the smile. "Yeah."

There was a bit of a silence then, and Cas knew that Dean was waiting for him to speak about his past. So, he cleared his throat awkwardly, and begun.

"When I was around the age of thirteen, my father was fired from his work because of sexual harassment complaints." Cas started, choosing his every word carefully. He wanted to be in control of what he was saying - he didn't want to start babbling incessantly.

"We used to live in this big house in California, but, because my father was fired, we had to move because we couldn't afford the lifestyle anymore. We went to West Virginia, and moved into this small, run-down house, and we always said that we would do it up all nice, but we never did.

"Over the course of the next year or so, my parents got a messy divorce, mostly because of my father's obvious infidelity and his vulgar drinking habits. My mother said she didn't want him to be around us."

Dean raised an eyebrow, and jumped to interrupt Cas's speech. "Us? You have siblings?

Cas faltered slightly, and he clenched his fingers into tight fists; something he did to remind himself that pain could be felt on the outside too. It was a substitute for cutting himself, because he didn't want to do that anymore.

"Uh, yes, I did. I had two brothers. They were twins. But I can't- I mean, I don't want to talk about-"

Cas broke off, and watched as Dean's expression changed; pain to sympathy to sorrow. _He understands_, Cas suddenly realised. _He actually understands the pain._

Just as Cas was going to speak up again, he felt Dean's fingers gently squeezing his clasped hand; touching him as softly as he could because he remembered Cas's strange revulsion towards physical contact.

Surprising himself with his bold actions - because, _goddamn it_, touching Dean felt nice, even if Cas didn't quite understand what that meant - Cas unfurled his fingers, and let Dean entwine his fingers with his own.

Taking a slightly shaky breath in, Cas continued, his grip tightening on Dean's hand.

"I got sent to a pretty decent school, despite the fact that we didn't have much money. It was there that I realised that I enjoyed writing, and so I started writing funny little poems during the breaks we had.

"I suppose that was the reason that no one really liked me; I was the strange, grubby kid who was always attached to his notebook." Cas gave a humourless chuckle. "I was bullied for a while because of it, but it wasn't too bad. But you know what children are like. So cruel."

Dean gave a murmur of agreement, and Cas was still highly aware of their connected hands. It was making him feel slightly light-headed, but he brushed it off as another strange emotion somehow connected to grief.

"Things progressed uneventfully for a few months, and then, when I was about fifteen, I met this boy called Gabriel. And- I don't know. We got very close very quickly, and I trusted him completely after such a short time. He accepted me for who I was, and he, well, I suppose he understood me."

It was strange, to be talking about his feelings. It was something he was supposed to do in those god-awful therapy sessions that he never really went to anymore, but he could never open up there like he now was with Dean. And, again, Cas wondered why. What made Dean Winchester so special?

"We were practically inseparable through the last years of high school. He made me happy - he was always making me laugh. We had a lot of fun, and he was always playing some sort of prank and getting himself into trouble. He was what I needed after the horrible divorce of my parents.

"But then one day, he wasn't at school, so I - presuming that he was sick - went round to his house later in the day." Cas broke off to swallow harshly; thinking about this part still made his skin itch uncomfortably. "I knew that he'd be home alone, because his parents went to work ridiculously early in the morning, and didn't get back until well after seven."

Beside him, Dean unconsciously tightened his grip on Cas's hand; holding his breath in a painful sort of suspense. Cas squeezed back hard, and pressed his eyes closed for a second, before opening them and focusing on his and Dean's intertwined fingers.

"When I got to his house, I knocked, but no one answered. I knew where the spare key was kept, so I unlocked the door and went up to his bedroom. And he was-" Cas exhaled deeply. "Well, he was dead. He'd slit his own wrists, and I was the person who found him. It was- well, you can imagine it. I couldn't believe it. My best friend had taken his own life, and I'd never got to say goodbye."

"Oh, Cas, I'm so sorry." Dean breathed, and Cas noticed that his eyes were all shiny with unshed tears in the flickering candlelight. "That must have been horrific. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

Cas shrugged to himself, his eyes downcast.

"Do you know why he did it?" Dean asked hesitantly, his voice quiet enough that Cas could pretend that he hadn't heard, if he wanted to.

"No." Cas shook his head. "And that was the worst part. He'd been completely normal the day before - so full of life and his usual mischievous self. I kept thinking that it was only another one of his stupid pranks, but the blood was too real, and he wouldn't open his eyes, no matter how much I begged him to, and I couldn't stop crying because I was only eighteen and I thought that sort of thing only happened in the movies.

"And then everyone kept telling me to pray; to pray that Gabriel was happy up in Heaven, and I couldn't stop myself from hating all of them for thinking about him like that: dead and gone. They were all so convinced that there was a God up above, but I couldn't help thinking: if He was real, then surely He would have given me a sign or _something_ - anything to let me know that Gabriel was going to kill himself, so I could have prevented it. But He didn't, and so I blamed myself. I thought that it was _my _fault that he died, because there was nothing I did to stop it."

"I'm sorry." Dean repeated quietly. "I'm so freaking sorry."

Cas glanced upwards at Dean, and found that Dean was already watching him with a concerned, remorseful expression. Their eyes connected; bright blue melting into dusky green, and the two stayed like that: simply staring, because words weren't enough.

And when the power finally came back on, both men had fallen asleep, buried deep in a cave of blankets, fingers still loosely entwined.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note: Hello, readers! (: How is everyone? Hopefully fine, and not too stressed or sad or something. (:

There were so many reviews for the last chapter, guys! Wow, haha, you're all great. So, the people on today's WALL OF FAME are: _______lessien Amandi_l (aw, thank you!), _thefangirlwhodreamed, BekaForEver, OwlDuchess, __thefreespirit18_, _Casismyfavorite_, ___becca65d_, a _guest, more-profound-bond, _another _guest, tii-chan17, __liife2uck2_, ___Tillthewheelsfalloff_, ___CanadaLover008764_ and _AnnieWrites! _Fifteen reviews! I'm so overwhelmed by your response, wow! Thank you so much, I love you all. (:

I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I'll see you all on Friday!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Thirteen.

The next few weeks progressed steadily; Cas writing his book with such an eager enthusiasm that he was tripping over his words in his haste to get them down on the page.

He had made startling progress, he thought, because he was already on chapter six, and he hadn't encountered any plot problems or character flaws, which he decided was encouraging for a first time novelist.

Dean was still paying his rent for him, which was nice, though Cas vowed to himself that he would pay it all back if his book went well. _If. _He hoped it would be well received, but he hadn't had too much experience with good luck over the years, so he wasn't feeling particularly optimistic.

But Cas was happy; he genuinely was. He'd found himself growing impossibly close to Dean, especially after he had told him about Gabriel, and he was glad for it. He liked Dean, he really did, and sometimes he thought about where he would be if he had never made the rash - and completely out of character - decision to call the number he'd seen in the newspaper.

It was a Sunday morning now - the only day that Dean wasn't needed at the garage. Dean was teaching him how to play chess, and it wasn't going very well, because Cas kept forgetting what all of the little pieces did. The one that looked like a horse made a weird L shape, but Cas couldn't figure out why. Surely that would be very impractical for the rider?

So far, in their game, Dean - who was being very patient, and was also playing as badly as possible so that Cas wouldn't feel too bad about his tragic skills - was winning. The only pieces Cas had left on the board were his king, one of the weird triangular things - Dean had called it a bishop, if he remembered correctly - and three of the prawns or pawns or whatever they were called, but they were pretty rubbish, and Cas couldn't see the point of them.

"You could move that one-" Dean pointed at his bishop, "-over to there. Remember, they're the ones that go diagonally."

After not too much consideration, because he really didn't know what was happening, Cas followed the movement that Dean had pointed out, and - rather unenthusiastically - wiped out one of his useless pawns.

"Brilliant." Cas deadpanned. "I feel as though I'm at a real advantage now, for getting rid of one of your prawns."

Dean chuckled. "Pawns, Cas. They're called pawns. Not prawns."

"They're pretty bad pieces, whatever they're called." Cas told him, his eyes narrowing as Dean took out his bishop. Great, now he was left with a king that could - despite being the most important piece on the board - only move one square in either direction, and two pawns-not-prawns that seemed to serve no purpose but to stand around idly.

"Well, if you get them to the other end of the board, then they can turn into any other chess piece." Dean said, gesturing to his second queen. "See?"

"Well, it would be nice if mine ever got the chance to reach the other end of the board." Cas commented wistfully. "And it would also have been nice if I had knocked your pawn-that's-now-a-queen out of the game while I had the chance. I hadn't expected you to pull such a low move, Dean."

"Hey!" Dean looked mildly affronted, but his eyes were laughing. "Those are the rules, Cas! I'm not cheating!"

"Hm. If you say so." Cas eyed him with mock-suspicion, and then focused on trying to get one of his pawns to the opposite end of the board.

It didn't work, and Dean won rather quickly.

* * *

A few hours later - after a few more chess games that Cas didn't improve in - the phone rang, and it surprised Cas, because he'd forgotten that they had a proper, working phone.

Dean scrambled to pick it up, almost tripping over his feet in his eagerness; the car magazine that he had been reading falling into an untidy, creased heap on the carpet.

Idly, Cas wondered if Dean knew who was calling, and, if so, who it was that he was so enthusiastic about. In all of the weeks he'd been living with Dean, he hadn't asked about a love-life; perhaps he should have. But Cas didn't like the idea of Dean being with someone - he didn't want to have to share.

But before he got the chance to get all het up and anxious about that, Dean answered the person on the other end of the line with a happy, "Hiya, Sammy! How are things?"

Cas relaxed visibly, pleased that it wasn't some petite, blonde-haired beauty calling for his roommate. He wasn't quite sure why the thought of Dean being intimate with someone bothered him so much, but he decided not to dwell.

"Yeah, yeah, we're good."

Cas smiled at that, though he knew that he shouldn't really be listening in on their conversation. But _we _referred to both Dean and himself, and it was nice of Sam to include him as a part of Dean's life.

As Dean chattered away to Sam, Cas turned his attention back to his laptop. Chapter six of his novel was open on the screen, and, already, Cas was wondering how to get his main character out of trouble.

Cas liked his main character. Her name was Alex, and she was an exceptional, charismatic con artist who had been deceiving unknowing marks for almost ten years. Cas liked the idea of making his main character a bit of a badass; too many books and films these days had characters who were either too nice for their own good, or were initially bad people, before they soon saw the error of their ways. Cas didn't think that it worked like that in real life. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

After thinking up his main character, Cas hadn't struggled to think of a basic plot that would make life for Alex as unpleasant as possible. He knew what it was like to be miserable, which, he supposed, added a realistic air to the whole thing, which was always good.

So, yes. Cas was enjoying writing his novel. He saw it as a bit of an outlet; a place where he could pour all of his emotions without anyone commenting on it. It was his second safe haven; his first being this warm little world he'd created with Dean.

At the thought of Dean, Cas's eyes flickered over to watch his roommate. He was smiling at something Sam had said; his face all lit up and happy, his long fingers trailing innocent patterns across the cover of one of his brother's books.

And then suddenly, Cas felt a flash of desire so powerful that it hurt. Those strong, calloused fingers raking down his naked chest, their sweaty bodies pressed flush against each other as they rolled around, feverish, in front of the dancing fire.

Dean's fingers - _oh, _and they were very nice fingers indeed - inching painfully slowly down his body, his nails digging into the soft skin of Cas's hips - pressing deeply enough to leave little red crescent moons that felt like liquid fire.

_Don't stop. Don't ever stop._

Heavy breathing, panting, _oh, _fuck,_ it's so hot in here, _panting, begging, _please, Dean, now, _desperation, _now now now_, _can't hold on much longer_-

And, just as quickly as it had come, the yearning ebbed; fading gently into a quiet, innocent nothingness that left Cas at a complete and utter loss.

_What… was that?_

Unsurprisingly, Cas didn't really have a good night's sleep that night.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: Hi, guys! (: Friday, whoo! I love the weekend so much, even if I will spend all of it doing boring schoolwork instead of writing the finishing few chapters of this fic! Anyways, I hope you guys are all okay and happy and stuff.

So. Many. Reviews. Wow. Okay, so all my love to the beautiful people on today's WALL OF FAME: _____CanadaLover008764_ (for both of your reviews!), _more-profound-bond, DTaddict, __BekaForEver_, _____becca65d_, jmcswim97, jfkgotblownaway, ___Casismyfavorite_, tii-chan17, JamOnToasttt, Gustin azza (again, for both of your reviews!), _Liza Brewtophen, black heide, __OwlDuchess_, Cheese lover1234 (haha, freaky coincidence!), and, finally, _dest-my-iel! _Ah! Lovely lovely reviews from lovely lovely people. (:

Thanks so much guys, and I'll see you all on Tuesday!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Fourteen.

After spending what seemed like the entire night tossing and turning uncomfortably in his too-hot bed, Cas had decided to simply ignore the strange flash of red-hot desire that he'd experienced the day before.

It obviously meant absolutely nothing - really, how could it possibly be a sign? Though it seemed like forever, he'd only known Dean for two months, and despite the fact that he knew he and Dean shared a surprisingly profound bond, how could Cas ever even _fathom _the idea of such intimacy with his roommate?

Cas didn't even understand the idea of such closeness; why would you ever willingly let yourself get that close to a person? Surely, it would only end in sadness and regret? Cas had been close to people before, and he had lost them, so why would you voluntarily choose the pain all over again?

But Dean… he liked Dean, he truly did. Dean was eternally happy; optimistic and gentle, thoughtful and funny. Perhaps there were those who thought that Dean's flawless features and amazing personality fit the prerequisites of a sensual, kind lover, but Cas? Surely not.

Cas sighed wearily to himself, and pushed himself into an upright position in his bed. He could hear Dean pottering around the living room, humming under his breath as he got ready for work, and Cas knew that he should go and join him, the way he'd been doing since the very beginning.

But- well, Cas was nervous. Would simply seeing Dean and his unwavering smile set off one of those strange, unwanted desires? Cas was lucky the previous day's sensation had faded away quickly - what would he have done if it hadn't? Was it possible that he could he have acted on impulse and ruined everything?

Because Cas didn't want that. He didn't want anything to change, nothing at all. He was happy just the way things were.

Though, of course, that happiness wouldn't last very long at all.

* * *

"Hiya, Cas." Dean said through a mouth of half-chewed cereal. "Sleep well?"

In spite of himself, Cas winced in response to Dean's question, and wandered over to the kitchen; a cup of hot coffee was what he needed to get his brain functioning normally again.

"Good morning, Dean. No, I didn't sleep particularly well, but these things happen." Cas responded, lifting a clean mug from the pretty cool mug tree that Dean had found at a market a few weeks back. "You?"

Dean shrugged his shoulders lightly, and shovelled another huge spoonful of cereal into his wide-open mouth. After half chewing it, he said, "I suppose. I woke up early, and then I couldn't get back to sleep. But these things happen." He grinned up at Cas, and Cas couldn't help himself from returning the smile.

As he made his coffee, Cas noticed - out of the corner of his eye - that Dean was absentmindedly stroking the fingers of his left hand against the fraying material of his pyjama pants. Cas stiffened instinctively; bracing himself for the explosion of sudden passion - it was, after all, Dean's pianist's fingers that had encouraged the previous day's confusion - but it never came.

Cas visibly relaxed - his shoulders losing their taut posture, his fingers uncurling from where they had fisted tightly. The chilling desire to have Dean's fingers stroking down his body had been a one-off - that was all it had been, and all it would ever be. Nothing more, nothing less, not something that Cas would worry about any longer.

Cas smiled.

"Woah there, Mr. Happy." Dean commented sardonically, his eyebrows raised as he took in Cas's relieved state. "What's got you in such a good mood, huh? It's Monday morning, no one should be happy."

Cas shook his head dismissively, and moved to sit at his side of the sofa.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about my book." Cas lied smoothly, cradling the hot mug in his hands to keep his frosty fingers warm. "I'm enjoying writing it."

"Is it going well, then?" Dean asked, putting his now-empty bowl down on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "When will I get to read it?"

Cas smirked slightly, amused by Dean's eagerness. "You will get to read it if it is ever published. You can buy a copy from the book store."

Dean frowned, pretending to be upset. "Wait, are you trying to tell me that I don't get _any_ benefits for being such an amazing friend? Nothing at all?"

"Maybe you can read it when I've finished the first draft." Cas mused, more to himself than Dean, really. "And, if you want, I can dedicate it to you."

Dean's eyes lit up, and, in that particular light, Cas noticed that they were a stunning olive green. It was strange how they changed colour so frequently; appearing almost emerald in some lights, and a golden-hazel in others.

"Really? You mean it?"

Cas nodded. "Yes."

"That's so cool; I've never had a book dedicated to me before!" Dean chuckled to himself, and flashed Cas a great smile. "Thanks, Cas. You're awesome."

* * *

It was quarter to one in the morning when the phone rang.

Because it was only one room away, and the walls of the apartment were surprisingly thin, the noise disturbed Cas from his very shallow slumber. He and Dean had gone to bed early because they had both been tired, and Cas had only been asleep for an hour or so.

Faintly, Cas could hear Dean turning over in bed in the next room. He wondered whether Dean was going to get up and answer it; whoever was calling must be pretty desperate to get in touch, seeing as though it was past midnight.

Finally, though, it rang off, and Cas relaxed back into his painfully-soft pillow, his eyes flickering closed.

There was only silence for a few more seconds before the phone rang again, and it almost seemed louder this time - one hundred times more insistent, and one hundred times more annoying.

"Oh, God." Dean groaned from his bedroom, and Cas heard the bedsprings creaking as he shifted into an upright position. "Whoever it is, they better have a freaking good reason for calling at this time of night!"

With an inward sigh, Cas got out of his refreshingly warm bed, and slunk into the living room after Dean, half of him curious to see who could be ringing at such a ridiculous time.

"It's Sam." Dean murmured, peering at the caller ID. "Why's he calling? We only spoke last night."

Cas shrugged his shoulders, and stifled a yawn. Both men looked at the ringing phone for another few seconds, before Dean - with a rather melodramatic sigh - picked it up, and regarded Cas with baffled eyes.

"Hi, Sammy. What's up?"

And then, suddenly, his expression changed dramatically; shifting to one of panic and confusion.

"Sam, Sam, slow down, I don't- I can't- _Sam. Slow down. _Tell me what's happened."

At Dean's alarmed reaction, Cas felt an icy chill make its way up his spine. It wrapped its frosty fingers around his heart, clenching and tightening until he was left with an uncomfortable sensation in his chest.

"Oh, God, Sam, I'm so sorry." Dean suddenly murmured, his face crumpling in distress.

Something in Cas's chest shattered - not as a result of the icy fingers caressing his heart, but because Dean looked so broken; so tired. Like he'd had enough of it all, but the world just kept trying to wear him down.

And Cas didn't like it one bit.

"I'm so sorry, Sammy. God. Okay, look, I'll be with you as soon as I can, all right? Just- hold on, I'm coming."

And with that, he hung up the phone.

"Sam… He's here." Dean murmured, his movements becoming increasingly frantic as he searched the apartment for his car keys. "He's here, in Kansas. In Lawrence. I've got to go and get him from the train station, Cas. He's in a terrible state."

Cas didn't understand. They had both been so happy on the phone the previous day, if Dean's laughter was anything to go by. What could possibly have changed in twenty four hours?

Dean glanced up at Cas's confused face, and his movements slowed as he explained.

"Sam's girlfriend is dead."


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note: Hey, lovely readers! How is everyone? Well, I hope! (:

Well, I've finally finished writing this fic! Obviously we're nowhere near the final chapter now, but... yeah. It's done. I was so sad when I finished writing it! That's really tragic... And, um, there's mega cuteness next chapter, so yay!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! Not as many as the chapter before, but I'm hoping that's because the site was down for a bit...? So, thanks to the people on today's WALL OF FAME: _more-profound-bond_, a _guest, ____jmcswim97_, RealCharactersFakeWorld, _______becca65d_, _tii-chan17_, _____CanadaLover008764_, _Gustin azza_, and _ KahoriSaeko! _Thanks so much, guys! Your reviews always make me so happy. (:

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Fifteen.

As soon as Dean had closed - and locked - the apartment door to go and pick Sam up from the train station, Cas started worrying; panicking in a way that he hadn't done for weeks, courtesy of Dean.

Sam's girlfriend was dead.

Cas didn't know what he should do. If Sam was coming to stay with them for a while, then would Dean want him out of the apartment? Would Dean want to be alone with his brother in his time of grief?

Cas could hardly imagine that he would be in any way helpful; surely his awkward presence would just make Sam uncomfortable? Cas knew from first-hand experience that grief was a funny thing; all he'd wanted to do after the death of Gabriel and his brother Michael - which was a story for another day - was to be alone.

He didn't want to make Sam's pain any worse. He was Dean's brother, after all, and Cas would do absolutely anything for Dean, so if that meant leaving, then so be it.

Despite the fact that Dean would be driving, Cas sent him a quick text.

_Would you like me to move out while Sam stays in the apartment? I don't want to be in the way. -Cas_

Anxiously, Cas awaited the reply, wringing his hands nervously. Of course he didn't actually want to leave; where would he go? Back to his grimy old apartment where the heating had only a forty five percent chance of working? Perhaps he had been content with his living conditions before, but now? No.

_Of course not, Cas! I'm sure he wouldn't want to cause any inconvenience, and you might help to take his mind off things. -Dean_

Cas sighed in relief and blew air out of his cheeks, and then looked around the apartment. It only had two bedrooms, which meant that someone would have to sleep on the sofa. Obviously he couldn't expect Sam to have the uncomfortable sleeping arrangement; that would be completely discourteous, never mind the situation.

But Cas was fine with sleeping on the sofa, and, surprisingly enough, he was fine with letting Sam sleep in his bed.

The thought shocked Cas for the briefest of seconds; did he really trust Sam enough to allow him into his bedroom, without even having met the guy? Was his faith in Dean so strong that it spilled over and touched his brother too?

But there were more important things to worry about.

Cas snapped into action straight away; all of his sleepiness extinguished by a strange sort of adrenaline. He hurried around the apartment and gathered clean bed sheets, before stripping his bed of the ones he had been using.

He threw the old ones into the washing machine, and quickly made up his bed for Sam. He was sure that Sam would want to sleep as much as possible for the first few days, because when you were asleep, you didn't remember. The pain, the sorrow, the loneliness; it all disappeared when you weren't conscious.

After making up Sam's bed, Cas glanced around the room. Luckily, he generally kept it rather tidy, so he only needed to pick up a few stray clothes and a towel that hadn't quite made it to the laundry basket yet.

After giving the apartment another quick once over, Cas glanced at the little red clock on the microwave. It was seven past one, which meant that Dean probably would have reached Sam by now, so they'd be on their way back.

He decided to send Dean another quick text.

_How is Sam? I have made up my bed for him, and I'll sleep on the sofa. Will he need anything when you get back? -Cas_

He didn't know whether Sam would want something to eat. He hoped not, because cooking something even moderately edible after midnight was not in his range of skills.

_No, thanks, Cas, I think he'll just want to sleep. But thank you for doing the sheets. I don't know what I'd do without you. -Dean_

Cas smiled to himself, happy, despite the terrible situation. Finally, he mattered. Finally, he cared about someone, and they genuinely cared back.

* * *

Cas wasn't quite sure what he should do when Dean and Sam finally turned up. Now was definitely not a good time to saunter up to Sam and say, "Hi, I'm Castiel, I'm your brother's new roommate." And he couldn't exactly hide away in his bedroom, because - for all intents and purposes - it was Sam's bedroom now.

So Cas decided to just lurk awkwardly in the kitchen, hoping that Sam wouldn't feel like he was being judged in his hysterical, exhausted state.

A good ten minutes later, the door opened wide, and Sam stumbled in, followed by Dean, who had his hand resting gently against his brother's lower back - in guidance or in support, Cas wasn't quite sure.

As Dean steered Sam over to sit on the sofa, Cas took the opportunity to examine the youngest Winchester. As expected, his eyes were red and swollen from crying; his nose scrubbed raw from wiping at it with scratchy tissues. His dark hair was in disarray; the back bits all fluffy, and the front parts pushed roughly away from his face.

He looked terrible, Cas had to admit it. Pained and miserable and listless; a blank expression that conveyed the overwhelming emptiness he must have been feeling. It was almost like Sam didn't really know where he was. He was just... sitting there, tears leaking out of the corner of his eyes, and trailing down his face. But it was a face that Cas knew well - one that he understood. And, perhaps, quiet sympathy was the best thing for Sam at the moment.

"You sit there for a minute, Sam, and I'll be right back." Dean told Sam, before walking over and joining Cas in the kitchen.

"Hey, Cas." Dean greeted him with a forced smile that didn't reach his eyes. He didn't look much better than Sam himself, and Cas knew that it was because Sam was the most important person in the world to him, and seeing Sam hurt meant that he was hurt too. And Cas... well, he couldn't help but to long for a relationship like that in his life too... a relationship like that, hopefully with Dean, because Dean was the exception to all his rules.

"Thanks for giving up your room for Sam. He'll really appreciate it when he's not so-" Dean broke off to subtly gesture towards his sobbing brother. "You know. Look, I've got to get him into bed now; he's shattered."

Cas nodded in agreement. "Yes, I understand. Let me just grab a blanket from my room, and then I'll sleep on the-"

"You can sleep with me, if you want." Dean interrupted, his face turning a sweet shade of pink. "You don't have to sleep on the sofa. You can have half of my bed, if it won't make you feel too uncomfortable."

Cas knew that both his mind and his body should be screaming _No! _at the thought of sharing a bed with Dean, especially after the strange sexual fantasy he had experienced the previous day. Surely, being so close to the man of his apparent desires would only make things worse?

But Cas didn't quite feel like sleeping on the sofa, and Dean was his friend, so, really, what could _possibly_ go wrong?


	16. Chapter 16

Author's Note: Hello, readers! It's Friday, whoo! Finally I can sleep in...

So, there was a HUUUGEEE response to the last chapter. It was actually really interesting to see how many of you focused on poor old Sam because of Jess's death, or focused on the fact that Cas and Dean would be sharing a bed. :P So, an ENORMOUS thanks to all of the people on today's WALL OF FAME: _______CanadaLover008764_, _more-profound-bond_, _BekaForEver, surrenderedwings, missiontothestars _(wow, it's totally fine, I hope everything's okay! Thank you for _all_ of your kind reviews!)_, __________becca65d_, _12crazythomas, ElkeCQuinn, jfkgotblownaway, MarilynNovak, Aliniah, liife2uck2, Gustin azza, __KahoriSaeko, Ruffles, Casismyfavorite _(for both, thanks!) and _____jmcswim97_! Wow, you guys are all so amazing and ARGH I love you all so much it's not even funny. (:

I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'll see you all on Tuesday! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Sixteen.

"God, Cas, he's a real mess." Dean commented from his place at the end of the bed. "I feel so sorry for the kid, you know? He really did love her, I think, even after such a short time. Her name was Jess."

Cas, who was all tucked up and warm - and slightly nervous, though he was trying not to read too much into that - in his side of the bed, nodded sadly. "Grief is a terrible thing. I just hope that he won't blame himself for what happened."

Dean cast him a worried glance, and made his way over to his side of the bed. "Why would he? From what I got from Sam - who was very vague on the way over here - she was hit by a car on her way to his apartment. Surely he can't blame himself for that. It was the driver's fault, obviously."

Cas shook his head. "It's human nature, Dean, to blame yourself after the death of a loved one. He'll be thinking of all the ways he could have prevented the accident, like if he'd told her that-" Cas shrugged. "I don't know. If he hadn't told her to come to his apartment, or if he hadn't promised her they could watch a movie together.

"He'll also be thinking about the last time he said 'I love you' to her, and, it doesn't matter when he said it, because he'll know that he didn't say it as often as he wanted to. And he'll being thinking about how he'll never get to say it to her again, because no matter how hard he tries to pretend that it's all a dream, she won't come back."

Dean listened to Cas's impromptu speech with miserable eyes, before he made a semi-distressed sound; his face crumpling with tiredness. Cas didn't like how defeated he looked. What had the Winchester brothers done to deserve such punishment?

"Let's just pray that he gets a good night's sleep." Dean murmured, closing his eyes for the briefest of seconds. "We'll deal with each day as it comes."

Cas didn't like seeing Dean in so much pain. It was a strange expression on his face; one that felt far too wrong. And when Dean ached, it made Cas hurt too, and he wanted nothing more than to see one of Dean's beautiful smiles.

"I'm not religious at all, but I'll pray for Sam." Cas promised sincerely, quietly. "I will."

Dean scrubbed a tired hand across his face, before - so quickly that Cas almost missed the action - pulling his thin cotton t-shirt off and throwing it on the ground behind the bed.

"Thank you, Cas."

But Cas didn't even hear Dean's grateful words, because his focus had immediately shifted from Sam's heartache to Dean's body - _Dean_, whose naked chest looked like it had been carved out of marble; each and every muscle sculpted with the utmost care.

The tight skin of his chest and stomach was surprisingly tanned; darkened by the sun's velvety kisses. And his hipbones… they were sharp and defined and _nice_, and Cas followed the strong lines down until the grey fabric of Dean's track pants halted his inquisitive eyes.

"Cas? Hello, Cas?" Awkwardly, Cas zoned back into the conversation to see Dean waving his hands in front of his face. "Cas? You all right? Don't say you're going weird on me too."

Cas blinked, and shook his head; desperately trying to think of an excuse to justify his actions. He couldn't just blurt out, "Sorry, I was looking at your - very nice, I might add - body," could he?

"No, I'm fine. I was just thinking about Gabriel." Cas lied smoothly, surprising himself. Since when had he been such a good liar? "As you know, I blamed myself for his death for a long time, and I just really hope that Sam's not the same."

Dean smiled sadly - obviously believing Cas's lie - and climbed into the bed; the mattress dipping under his weight.

"Won't you be cold without a shirt on?" Cas asked hesitantly, watching as Dean plumped up his pillows. He tried desperately to keep to his side of the bed; unsure as to what might happen if he let any part of his body make contact with Dean's.

Dean shook his head, and flashed Cas a tired grin. "Nah, I don't think so. I always sleep without a shirt on."

"Oh." Cas replied, idly aware of the muscles in Dean's upper arms flexing as he adjusted the positioning of his pillows. It was strangely mesmerizing, watching Dean, and Cas thought that being so hypnotized should bother him, but it didn't.

Dean yawned, and rubbed at his eyes, before exhaling heavily; a decidedly defeated noise. "God, I'm so freaking tired. 'Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

Dean reached over and flicked his bedside lamp off with a gentle click; throwing the room into pitch black darkness - darkness that Cas was glad for. He could feel his face heating up at the thought of sleeping next to Dean - Dean and his stupidly nice body and his stupidly nice face.

Idly, Cas wondered when it had got to this point. Yesterday, he had been all wrought up and anxious because he'd accidentally imagined Dean's strong fingers trailing down his body. But now- now he was all snuggled up next to the very same man, and he wasn't as bothered by it as he should have been.

Maybe it was just because he was tired. Yes, that was it. He was just tired. Tomorrow, he'd be back to the nervous, awkward person he'd always been.

Cas wiggled further down under the covers, careful not to brush against Dean. It was a rather warm night, which was always nice, though Cas supposed that being all nestled down and warm with Dean was probably one of the reasons why he was feeling so toasty.

There was silence for a few minutes, and, just as Cas was thinking about rolling over onto his side and curling up into a little ball, Dean spoke up; sounding not quite as tired or wary as he previously had.

"You know that when I say I'm really glad you came to live here, I mean it, right?" he asked, his voice all soft and warm like melted toffee. "I really am glad, Cas."

Cas smiled into the dark, feeling a sudden stab of affection for his friend. "Thank you, Dean. I'm glad too. I'm much happier now."

He thought that was going to be the end of the conversation, but then he felt Dean's hands reaching around his shoulders; pulling him into his chest in an awkward hug. Cas held his breath, waiting for the uncomfortable stabs of _too much contact, too much contact_ - yet he found himself relaxing back into Dean's body, his eyes slipping closed in the clumsy embrace.

It was nice in Dean's arms. Safe and warm and completely and utterly _right, _and Cas couldn't help the strong desire to just close his eyes and curl his body around Dean; falling asleep much too close to Dean to ever be considered platonic. But Cas found he didn't care - that the sensation of Dean's strong arms around his body was far too pleasant to ever move away from.

Dean gave a little murmur of quiet contentment that made Cas's heart do funny things, and, after a few seconds, he loosened his grip on Cas's shoulders. Cas kept as close to Dean as he could, and listened as his breathing evened out; slow and steady and peaceful.

Cas didn't know why he was so comfortable being as close to Dean as he was, but what he did know was that it felt bizarrely _right, _like he should have been doing it all his life.

And when Cas finally fell asleep, curled up and warm and completely entwined with Dean, he was happy.


	17. Chapter 17

Author's Note: Hi, guys! How is everyone on this lovely Tuesday? Fine, I hope. (:

Thank you all so much for your reviews! There were so many, I was shocked! (: So, HUGE hugs to people on today's WALL OF FAME: _______lessien Amandi_l, _RealCharactersFakeWorld, ________CanadaLover008764, __________becca65d_, _more-profound-bond_, _surrenderedwings_, ___Casismyfavorite, __jfkgotblownaway_, _12crazythomas_, _ElkeCQuinn_, _Gustin azza_, DerangedOtakuFangirl, Supertardisavengerlock, ___KahoriSaeko_, spidey8itch, xBeautifullyxxShatteredx, _missiontothestars, ______jmcswim97_, BabyTheImpala, tii-chan17 (for both reviews, thanks!) and _Vienna Warren. _Wow, you guys! Thanks SO much for your support! Definitely makes writing this fic worthwhile! (:

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Seventeen.

When Cas awoke the next morning - sprawled out and completely at home in the large bed - the first thing he noticed was the significant lack of the cosy warmth that was Dean.

After one of the best night's sleep he had had in what felt like forever - again, Cas had decided not to dwell, because he wasn't sure that he would like the answers his mind might come up with - he was reluctant to get out of the bed. He was warm and rested and peaceful; he didn't want to ever move.

But then he remembered that Sam was in their apartment because of the violent, bloody death of his girlfriend, and he decided he really ought to get up and see what he could do to help.

With a groan, Cas forced himself into a sitting position, and wondered if Sam would still be in his bedroom, because he wanted to get his clothes. But, if Sam _was_ in his bedroom, then Cas would have to wander around in his pyjamas; he couldn't exactly disturb Sam just because he didn't feel too comfortable in his nightwear, could he?

After wandering out into the hallway, Cas noticed the gentle clanging that indicated movement in the kitchen. Cautiously - because he hadn't ever spoken to Sam, and he wasn't sure how he should act - Cas crept into the living room, noticing Dean in the kitchen at the other end.

"Hey, Cas!" Dean called, throwing Cas a warm smile. "You sleep well?"

Cas nodded absentmindedly, surprised by Dean's positive attitude. He had expected to see the two brothers sitting quietly on the sofa, talking somberly about what had happened.

But no. Dean was banging around inelegantly in the kitchen making breakfast - Cas thought that what he was making looked like pancakes, and he smiled at the sudden flood of memories of the powerless night.

Out of the corner of his eye, Cas noticed movement on the sofa, and turned to see Sam getting up to walk over to him. As he stood awkwardly - because he wasn't too sure what he should do - Cas noticed the dark shadows underneath Sam's red eyes and the mottled red-and-white skin of his cheeks.

"Hi, Castiel." Sam said, extending his hand as he reached Cas. "I'm Sam, obviously." He smiled at Cas, and Cas appreciated the effort; even if the tell-tale messy hair and tear-stained face was a bit of a give away to his current mood.

Politely, Cas shook the offered hand, and fixed Sam with his best sympathetic, yet not-condescending look. It was surprising how many people Cas knew that had somehow managed to turn their empathy into some sort patronization.

"Hello, Sam. I'm very sorry about what happened to your girlfriend."

But then Sam's hazel-green eyes filled up with fresh tears, his face crumpling in distress, and Cas wondered if maybe he shouldn't have been so blunt. What was he thinking, mentioning the death of Sam's girlfriend so casually?

Cas cursed himself for his awkward social skills. Most people would have avoided the topic completely, and ended up speaking about something dull like the weather or the ever-rising cost of gas.

Just as he was about to apologise, though, Dean - lovely Dean, who never missed a beat - jumped into the conversation, his grin wide and unfaltering, his voice chirpy and bright. But it was then that Cas realised that Dean actually _wasn't _happy - it was all just an act to make Sam feel better.

And that hurt. Cas wanted Dean to be okay.

"Hey, Sammy, the pancakes are ready. Chocolate sauce?" Without waiting for an answer, Dean threw the bottle across the room, and Sam - to his credit - caught it niftily. "Sit down, I'll bring them over. You want some, Cas? I made enough for you."

Thankful for Dean's interruption, Cas nodded his head silently, and walked over to the sofa, almost sitting in his usual spot, before hesitating, and realizing that Dean would probably want to sit next to Sam now.

But that was okay. He was used to being a second choice.

"Sit, Cas." Dean demanded good-naturedly, fussing over everyone like a mother hen. "Sam, you take the armchair, and I'll sit here next to Cas."

And, as Dean sat himself down on the sofa, and patted it expectantly, Cas couldn't help but smile, because someone had finally chosen him first.

* * *

After accidentally making Sam cry the first time, conversation flowed a lot smoother, much to Cas's enormous relief. He wanted to impress Sam, as it were, to make Sam like him, because _he_ liked Dean, and he thought that he might be seeing a lot more of Sam.

"Dean told me you went to Stanford to study law." Cas commented from his place on the sofa, as Dean washed the breakfast plates up noisily behind them. "Are you hoping to continue that?"

Sam nodded his head. "Yeah. I think it'll be some time before I can go back, especially to our apartment-" he sucked in a deep breath, and Cas noticed his nostrils flaring slightly as he willed himself not to tear up. "But it's something I want to continue, yeah."

Cas nodded to himself, and pulled his dressing gown a little tighter. "You're welcome to have my room for as long as you need it."

Sam smiled. "Thank you, Cas." _Cas, again. _Apparently, it wasn't just a nickname that only Dean could call him, because he didn't mind the word coming from Sam's lips. "I'm glad you're here, you know, keeping my brother company while I'm away."

Cas nodded his head, his eyes flickering over to watch Dean, who was humming quietly to himself as he washed the dishes. "He's helped me a lot too. I think we're good for each other."

Sam was silent for a second, before speaking up, his voice hesitant. "Dean told me that you'd lost your best friend. He didn't- I mean, he didn't tell me the story or anything, just that you'd been hurt by death too."

Cas's eyebrows furrowed. "When did he tell you that?" He'd only told Dean about Gabriel a few weeks ago, so when had he had the chance to tell Sam?

"He told me last night, on the way over here. I was a bit worried about how you'd react to me, what, with all the crying, but he said that you'd understand."

"I do understand." Cas murmured quietly, surprising himself with how keen he was to talk to Sam. There was just _something_ about the Winchester brothers that was amazing and beautiful and brilliant. "I… I recently lost another person I cared about, actually. So I know how you feel - like there's a hole in your chest, and it just hurts _so much_, but there's nothing you can do to numb it."

The clattering and gentle singing behind him stopped abruptly, and Cas knew that Dean wanted to know about the more recent heartbreak - the tragedy he hadn't yet shared with anyone.

"I'm sorry." Sam said, frowning at Cas, his eyes gentle and remorseful in a way that reminded him of Dean. For two brothers who differed so much in looks, they certainly were very similar indeed. "How long ago was this?"

"Only a few months." Cas admitted, absentmindedly rubbing at his upper thighs; flesh that held secrets of pain and hatred and _it hurts too much, I can't do this anymore._

"And what… what happened?" It was Dean, this time, asking the question, and Cas turned his head to glance at his friend.

"My brother, Michael, he was- well, he was murdered."

Dean's mouth dropped open in horrified surprised.

"But I don't- I can't talk about it now." Cas said hastily, turning away from Dean's painfully sympathetic eyes. "Maybe someday, but not now."

Sam smiled weakly and nodded his head, and Cas noticed that his eyes were looking more tired; the inky shadows below seemed darker and more obvious. He looked like he was struggling to stay conscious, and Cas knew how that felt.

"Did you sleep well, last night?" Cas asked cautiously, already knowing the answer. He did feel slightly guilty, though, because he'd had an amazing night's sleep; warm in the safety that Dean provided. He also wanted to change the subject, because he could feel Dean's eyes burning holes in his back.

"Not at all. I don't think I even dozed." Sam chuckled wryly, and rubbed at his eyes so hard that Cas thought it looked painful. "I'm absolutely shattered."

"Maybe you should go and lie down now?" Dean was suddenly at Sam's side, his long fingers ruffling though Sam's already messy hair. "You'll feel better once you've slept."

Without complaint, Sam stood up and stretched; his muscles popping and creaking in protest, and, after giving Dean a brief hug, and Cas a tired nod, disappeared into Cas's bedroom.

Dean gave a wary sigh, and turned to Cas, obvious emotional distress evident on his pretty features. Cas willed him not to mention Michael, and, thankfully, he didn't.

"Christ, it's all just so horrible. Poor Sammy." He shook his head to himself, and then smiled. "Anyways. You certainly slept well, didn't you?"

Cas felt himself blushing like a flustered teenager at the thought of Dean seeing him asleep. He had woken up first, after all. Hopefully - and, idly, Cas wondered why it mattered - he hadn't looked too unattractive.

"Yes, I did, thank you. I was-" Cas cleared his throat awkwardly. "I was warm."

Dean chuckled to himself, obviously noticing Cas's flustered state. "I bet you were. I've been told that I'm a very warm person. So you want to steal half of the bed again tonight, hm?"

Cas nodded, and a tiny, _tiny _part of his brain wondered if maybe - just maybe - Dean Winchester was flirting with him.

And he found that he didn't quite mind.


	18. Chapter 18

Author's Note: Hi, readers! (: Nice to see you all here! :P

So, before I get on to the WALL OF FAME, I just wanted to quickly recommend a Destiel fic that I think you'll all like, because it's so cute and amazing and GAH. It's called, _'A Long Road of Solitude_' by tii-chan17, and it doesn't have NEARLY enough reviews. If you like this fic, then you'll like that fic. (: So please, go and read it, and make sure to review! Those who do will get a special shout-out here next chapter. :P

Okay, so another MASSIVE response to the last chapter! You guys make me feel so special... *sniffs* Honestly, all of you who took the time to write me a review, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you're a writer, then you'll understand the feeling, but if you're not, then let me just say: getting reviews is the most rewarding thing EVER, and you guys are all so amazing for making me so happy. (:

So, all my love to: _____________xBeautifullyxxShatteredx_, _______________ElkeCQuinn_, _________CanadaLover008764_, _Ruffles, ____________more-profound-bond_, _______lessien Amandi_l, _tii-chan17, BekaForEver, liife2uck2, ______________________jmcswim97_, _______________missiontothestars_, _________________KahoriSaeko_, _______________jfkgotblownaway, ______________Casismyfavorite, ________________12crazythomas_, _RealCharactersFakeWorld_ (haha, and you're on it again, whoo!), _______________Gustin azza_ and _Leana-Vine! _THANK YOU GUYS! (:

See you all on Tuesday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Eighteen.

"_Cas… Oh, Cas, you make me feel so alive." Dean was whispering in his ear, his warm body far too close, but not close enough. "I was so alone, without you. You're everything to me."_

_Cas shivered at the hot breath that was tickling his neck, and looked up from his and Dean's entwined fingers to gaze into his friend's eyes. They were unnervingly bright in the flickering firelight, and Cas could feel himself melting into the emerald orbs._

"_You're everything to me, too." Cas replied softly, surprising himself with his eloquence in such an intimate situation. "I need you, Dean."_

_Dean brought his hand up to stroke his fingers across Cas's lips; smooth and soft and warm. Cas closed his eyes at the touch; trembling as Dean's fingers trailed down his neck and chest, creating paths of fire and lust and dirty, _dirty_ greed._

"_I want you, Cas. Please?"_

_Cas nodded his head, mesmerized by the way Dean's lips looked when he spoke, the way they pouted when he finished, and the way they were almost glittering pink in the orange lighting._

"_Yes."_

_Dean's face broke out into the smile that Cas loved so very much, before, painfully slowly, he leant forwards; his eyes slipping closed as his lips brushed against Cas's._

_Cas gasped at the sensation; surprised by how his body was reacting so hungrily. He returned the kiss eagerly; attacking Dean's lips with a passion that he hadn't thought himself capable of. He threaded his fingers through Dean's short hair and pulled him close; breathing in the musky, sweaty scent that _was _Dean._

_As the kiss deepened, Cas found himself wrapping his legs around Dean's slim waist, holding on tightly because he never wanted to let go. He felt his tongue press against Dean's own, and they danced together, twirling and fighting and waltzing._

"_You're breathtaking, Cas." Dean murmured as the two broke apart for breath, their foreheads pressed together as they sucked in deep gulps of air. "You really are, and you're all mine. Let me have you." _

_Cas nodded again, giving a shiver as Dean licked his lips; expressing the painful hunger that Cas felt in the pit of his stomach. Dean grabbed his hand, and together, they stumbled into his bedroom; shirts and jeans being discarded along the way. Once they reached the bed, Dean smirked, and pushed Cas down, before crawling the length of the mattress and straddling Cas's waist._

_Lips connected once more; lacking in any sort of gentleness at all. It was violent, their kiss; lips and teeth, biting and bruising. It was all firm hands and tugging on hair, scratching fingernails and deep purple love bites that wouldn't fade for two weeks._

"_Oh, Cas, Cas, Cas…." Dean moaned against Cas's lips, his voice coming out strangled and throaty. "Cas, now. I need you now. Cas, please, _god, _CAS-"_

Cas awoke with a shuddering gasp; jerking into consciousness in a confused, inelegant mess, his heart thudding loudly against his ribcage. He was covered in a cold sweat, despite the icy temperature of the room, and he found his body trembling at the lack of blankets.

He was confused as to where he was for a second; lost and bewildered in the way that only one waking from a strange dream could be. He glanced around his surroundings, before recognising it as Dean's bedroom; the very same room from his dream.

As he tried to slow his breathing down to a pace that didn't make him feel like he was hyperventilating, Cas pulled the duvet up around his shoulders. Dean shifted in the bed at Cas's movement; rolling over and giving Cas a good view of his peaceful, sleep-slackened face.

As Cas watched his roommate sleeping - Dean's face only inches from his own; so close that Cas could feel gentle, slow puffs of breath fanning out across his cheeks - he tried to analyse and breakdown the strange dream that had woken him.

Though he wasn't completely one hundred percent certain, Cas was pretty sure that dreams were supposed to reflect either the desires or uncertainties of the subconscious. So, if that was right, then… no, it couldn't be true. How could Cas even _consider _that he subconsciously wanted such an… an intimate relationship with Dean?

Sex with Dean wasn't something he had considered - one strange, strange daydream aside - and it wasn't something that he could ever see happening. Cas had never craved for such a physical contact with anyone in his life - had never dreamed about someone in such a way. So what was it about Dean that seemed to defy everything that Cas had ever believed about himself?

Cas groaned quietly to himself, frustrated with the situation. He was left feeling strangely uncomfortable after such a dream; both physically and mentally. It had all been so vivid, and that was what got Cas. It had felt _real. _It had felt _good. _The imaginary feel of Dean's lips on his own was still lingering, and Cas's stomach was all knotted up as a result.

He didn't want to think too hard about what the dream meant for him and his very much platonic relationship with Dean. Because, in his dream, he had loved touching Dean so very much_, _and it was hard to imagine that anything could ever feel like that in reality. But still… he was far too curious for it to be healthy.

Quietly, Cas turned to Dean's sleeping body, and considered it. What would it feel like to kiss those pretty pink lips? Would it disgust him, as any physical contact usually did? Or would be left feeling overwhelmingly euphoric after such a touch; blissful and calm and so ridiculously far in love that it hurt?

Cas inhaled sharply, and shook his head, trying to rid himself of his poisonous thoughts. He was _not _in love with Dean; how could he be? He didn't even know what the word _love_ meant, but he knew that it was painful and sacrificial and ended in far too many tears, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to open himself up to all of that melancholy.

Perhaps it wasn't love that he subconsciously felt for Dean, but lust. Cold, hard, unfeeling _lust _that made no promises of happily ever after, or threats to shatter a heart. Lust, Cas could consider. Love… not so much.

With another sigh, Cas pushed himself into an upright position, and glanced at the clock to Dean's left; _two thirty six_. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to sleep for a while, and lying next to Dean's sleeping body wasn't going to help with his confusion at all.

As quietly as he could - as not to disturb Dean - Cas got out of the bed, and crept out of the bedroom. He tiptoed down the short hallway, and was slightly startled to notice that the light in the living room was on.

Despite the knowledge that Sam was obviously awake, and that he was in no mood to make light conversation after such an emotionally scarring dream, Cas padded into the lit room, his slippers making soft thudding noises against the hardwood floor.

At the movement of Cas emerging through the door, Sam - who, Cas noticed, was leaning against the kitchen bench with his head in his hands - looked upwards, looking slightly guilty to have been caught out of bed, as though he were a child.

"Hey, Cas." Sam half-whispered, deducing from Cas's quiet actions that Dean must still be asleep. "You all right?"

Cas shut the door with a quiet click, and politely made his way over to the kitchen to join Sam, and also to get himself a glass of cold water. He picked up a glass, and turned the tap on, before turning to address Sam.

"I'm fine, I just can't sleep." Cas lied smoothly, turning the tap off and taking a sip of the refreshingly cool liquid. "What about you?" he added as an afterthought.

Sam chuckled dryly. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just- nightmares, you know?"

Cas nodded sincerely, for he did know. He'd had nightmares about the death of loved ones before - some a lot more recent than others. He knew how horrible it was to be stuck, alone, in a bed for hours on end with nothing to think about, other than some sort of horrific tragedy.

"You seem a bit shaken yourself." Sam said, after a few minutes. "You sure you're fine?"

Cas wondered what the give-away signs were. Was he flushing a mottled sort red at the memory of his arousing dream? Or was he a deathly sort of pale; drained of colour because he was stressed, and didn't know what to think? Did he look tired; were there dark shadows underneath his eyes? Or did he just look how he felt, confused and exhausted?

"I'm… sure."

Though he wasn't quite as sure of himself as he had been a few hours ago, Cas knew one thing was true; if he was, for some unexpected, completely unfathomable reason, lusting after Dean Winchester, then, really, it could only end badly.


	19. Chapter 19

Author's Note: Hello, lovely readers! (: How is everyone? I wish you guys would actually tell me, haha.

So, first off, just a quick thanks to those who went and reviewed tii-chan17's fic! She really appreciates it, and she loves you all. (:

And those who reviewed this fic: THANKS! (: You guys are so great, honestly. So, the people on today's WALL OF FAME are: _ElkeCQuinn, more-profound-bond, Gustin azza, 12crazythomas, missiontothestars, KahoriSaeko, becca65d, Leana-Vine_ (ohhh, no, please don't feel nervous about reviewing! You're definitely not wasting my time, not at all! I love all of my reviewers, and I read every single review I get! ...Sometimes more than once, but that's because I have no life, haha. So, please, don't feel intimidated or anything, I love hearing from you!),_ Casismyfavorite, jfkgotblownaway, tii-chan17, lessien Amandil_ and_ jmcswim97! _Thank you all so much! You're great! (:

See you all on Friday, and a clue for next chapter: asdfghjkl it's cute, and I think you'll like it. :P

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_

Chapter Nineteen.

A week and a half later, Cas was beginning to think that maybe Sam was on the mend. He'd had a few good nights sleep, his eating was more regular, and he didn't cry as much as he used to. Of course, Cas knew that the death of a loved one wasn't something that you could forget easily, but there was always a point where things got a little bit better.

And, in regards to the astonishingly erotic dream that Cas had had about Dean, well… he was just as confused as ever.

Currently, Cas was in the middle of the grocery store; a basket full of unhealthy food that Dean had requested clutched in his hands. He was trying to locate the bread isle; he was sure that it kept changing position, because just last week, it had been next to the dairy isle - he was _certain _of it.

As he wandered aimlessly and tried to remember which bread Sam had so politely requested - wholemeal or rye? - Cas's mind digressed, and started thinking about Dean; something that was becoming increasingly frequent.

It was nice, sharing a bed with Dean, and a tiny little part of Cas was dreading Sam going back to Stanford, because then he'd have his room back, and there wouldn't be any excuse to let himself fall asleep all curled up and warm with Dean.

He would miss their half-asleep conversations in the middle of the night - where Dean was open and honest; any inhibitions driven away by the intimacy of sharing the queen-sized bed.

It was funny, though. Cas maintained the notion that he detested physical contact of any sort - accidentally bumping into that elderly lady with the floral cardigan and musty old-person smell a few minutes ago had confirmed that - yet, when he was around Dean, it was something that Cas genuinely _craved. _

He desperately longed for the occasional times when he would feel Dean's rough fingers on his bare skin - the sensation so fleeting in its brief, friendly touch, yet completely and utterly impossible to ignore. Cas longed for the even rarer moments when Dean would pull him into a hug; his body smelt like vanilla and sweat and something completely unrecognisable, but something so obviously _Dean. _

And, on more than one occasion, Cas had caught himself watching Dean's undeniably pretty lips as he spoke; watching as they formed around consonants and vowels that should have made words that Cas recognised - but he didn't, because he was too far gone.

And all of this - this burning, insatiable _desire _- it all had Cas wondering if maybe he was ill. Because it wasn't normal, was it, to feel so strange around one's friend. Cas had always thought that he and Dean shared a strangely intimate bond, but this? The strange, nervous sensation he felt in the pit of his stomach whenever Dean got too close? The _absolute_ blind faith that he felt?

Surely it wasn't healthy.

* * *

Cas's stomach was all knotted up and anxious by the time he had finished at the grocery store. He didn't like feeling so insecure and bewildered about what he was feeling.

What he needed, Cas decided, was advice.

But where from? The local doctor's surgery? Would they take his inane rumblings seriously? Or would they send him away with a few painkillers to numb the sensations, and a condescending prescription for some '_toughen up, people are dying, you could have it worse'_?

Cas didn't want to take that chance.

As he walked out of the grocery store, bags packed with tins of beans and little bags of liquorice allsorts in tow, Cas thought hard about his situation. He vaguely remembered someone saying something about the sensation of 'butterflies' - but, surely, having butterflies in one's stomach would be incredibly painful?

As Cas thought about the unlikely scenario that he had swallowed a butterfly, he passed a convenience store, and happened to glance inside. He noticed a few magazines on a stand in the middle of the room, and decided to investigate, thinking that they could be informative.

He struggled into the store; hauling his plastic shopping bags with him, and tried not to knock over a confectionery stand. When he finally made it to the front of the shop, he noticed the pretty young girl behind the counter eyeing him curiously.

Maybe she would know about the butterflies?

Cas struggled up to the counter, and put his bags down on the floor.

"Uh, good morning." he said, still nervous when it came to strangers, despite his instant connection with both the Winchester boys. "I was wondering if you might be able to help me."

The girl smiled at him, and put down her pen. "Sure. What are you looking for?"

Cas shook his head lightly. "I'm not sure. Recently, I've had this… strange… feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I wondered if you had any magazines that might tell me how to get rid of it."

The girl tapped her finger against her chin. "What, like, indigestion or something?"

"I'm not sure. I don't think so. I feel…" Cas paused, looking for the right words. "I get this nervous, tingling sort of feeling. Like butterflies, I suppose, but I don't know what it is."

The girl's eyes widened in surprise, and her face broke out into a huge grin. Cas wondered if perhaps he had got the expression wrong, judging by her amused reaction. Maybe the expression wasn't 'butterflies', but a different insect.

"Have you noticed anything else unusual?" the girl asked, picking up her pen again. "Like, I don't know, a headache or something? Anything at all?"

But how could Cas tell her that he had found himself being completely captivated by his roommate? How could he tell her that he couldn't help but to sometimes watch his friend in an almost predatory way; stalking and hungry and _possessed_?

And there was no way he could tell her about the dream he had experienced, was there? How could he admit to have had a clear, passionate dream, where - even when waking - all he had wanted to do for a single second was to rip off all of Dean's clothes?

"No." Cas lied instead, his eyebrows pulling downwards. "No, there's been nothing else out of the ordinary. I'm not in any physical pain."

"Okay." The girl tapped the pen against her lips. "Well, is it a good feeling, or a bad one? Like, do you think you need to go to the hospital, or is just… different?"

Cas idly wondered why this girl was giving him the third degree, but decided to answer her questions - she seemed to know what she was talking about, which made one of them.

"I think…" Cas paused. _Was _it a good feeling? It was strange, definitely, but that didn't mean that it was necessarily a bad thing, did it? He had to admit it; the first time he had felt so strongly about Dean in a sexual way, it had been rather worrying. But now…?

After a few more moments of pondering, Cas decided that the tingling sensation was a pleasant feeling; in a confusing, illogical kind of way. As much as it baffled him, it obviously couldn't be too bad, could it, otherwise he would have found some excuse to stop being in Dean's presence so much.

"I think… it might be a good sensation." Cas said hesitantly, wondering how strange he sounded. "Do you have anything that could help me?"

The girl nodded knowingly - ignoring Cas's question. "I see. Out of interest, when do you get this feeling? Are you around people…?"

"Around my roommate, yes." Cas answered instantly, his frown deepening. "What does that mean? Has he given me some sort of illness?"

The girl's grin widened, and she clapped her hands together in a childish delight.

"Oh, that's so cute. You've got a crush!" she squealed, unnecessarily brightly. "Oh, wow, that's so sweet!"

Cas's face remained blank, for the word 'crush' meant nothing to him. He supposed that it did sound rather painful, which could explain the feeling in his stomach.

"A… crush?" he asked, curious about the definition of the word. "That doesn't sound like a good thing."

"You know! You're attracted to this roommate of yours, and, hey, maybe you're even in the process of falling in love!" She was gushing now, and Cas wondered why she cared so much.

But, love? There was that word, again. _Love. _He couldn't have fallen in love with Dean Winchester; it just wasn't possible. _Dean? Love? _It almost made him laugh, the improbability of the situation.

Cas just wasn't someone who believed in the strength of romantic love. He'd seen the movies, yes, but that's all they were; movies. _Fiction. _He believed that you could be happy with someone for your entire life, but who was given the power to decide whether you loved someone, or were _in love _with them?

Because, Cas was sure that - if it even existed - love was supposed to be something one felt after years of mutual experiences; after years of arguing and laughing and kissing and happiness, not something that suddenly burst into life after only three months.

He had to admit it; he wanted Dean, he really did. It defied everything that Cas had ever believed about himself, but he craved his friend's touch - he longed to feel the fiery trails that Dean's fingers could create.

But, desire and love were two completely different things, weren't they? It was probably normal to have such explicit sexual desires at least once in your life, but to fall head-over-heels in love was something rare. And Cas… he couldn't actually be in love… could he?

But there was a tiny, _tiny_ little voice inside his head, which answered the question with such a bold conviction that it scared him.

'_Yes.'_


	20. Chapter 20

Author's Note: Hello, lovely readers! (: How's everyone doing? Glad that it's Friday?

Thanks for all of your reviews! I'm always so surprised by how many I get, haha. You're all great. So, a massive thanks to the people on today's WALL OF FAME: _Gustin azza_, _12crazythomas_ (I did enjoy the season premiere, thanks! It was so great, wow. Did you enjoy it too?),_ thefreespirit18_ (aww, poor cat, and poor kittens!),_ CanadaLover008764_ (that's okay!),_becca65d_, _KahoriSaeko, more-profound-bond__,_ _Casismyfavorite, __jmcswim97_, RealCharactersFakeWorld, BekaForEver, _jfkgotblownaway_, tii-chan17 (thanks for the correction, haha, but then the sentence doesn't make sense...?), ___ElkeCQuinn_, Free Will Lover, _lessien Amandil_, _missiontothestars _(Glad to hear it, and I'm very good, thanks!) and_ soulfert! _You're all so amazing, thank you! (:

I hope you all like this chapter, and I'll see you on Tuesday! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty.

It was eleven o'clock in the evening, and Cas and Dean were tucked up in bed, all warm and comfortable in each other's presence. It had become a bit of a routine for them; going to bed at eleven-ish, and then talking for half an hour before finally going to sleep.

However, Dean was strangely quiet today, and it had Cas worried. Usually, it was hard to get Dean to stop talking, so the silence between them felt prickly and uncomfortable.

As he plumped up his pillows, Cas turned to Dean, his expression carefully calm. "Are you all right, Dean?"

Dean smiled his usual grin, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine, Cas. Just thinking, you know?"

"About what?" Cas asked, curious as to what was bothering his friend.

Dean gave a sheepish grin. "I'm actually thinking about what you said about your brother, Michael. I know you don't want to talk about it, and I understand, but it's just- I don't know. Death's just… everywhere."

Cas nodded - he knew the feeling. It was hard to have people you know die, because it made you feel cursed, like a bad luck charm. It scared Cas into not making friends, which, he supposed, was why he was so awkward around new people.

And Cas knew that Dean wanted him to tell him what had happened - Michael hadn't just died, after all, he'd been murdered, and secrets of murder seemed to invoke a morbid curiosity in people. But how could he possible tell the truth?

But then he thought about what the woman in the shop had told him. "_Maybe you're even in the process of falling in love!_" If he really had fallen in love with Dean - which was becoming an increasingly likely scenario, if the constant quickening of his heart-rate when Dean got too close was anything to go by - then shouldn't he be sharing the tragedies of his past?

He'd already told Dean about how Gabriel had killed himself, and Dean had been wonderful in his sympathy, just like Cas knew he would. So maybe it was time for him to finally tell his friend what had happened - time to let Dean know everything he had kept hidden away, despite how exposed it would make him feel.

"I-" Cas faltered for a second, before drawing in a deep breath. _Be courageous. _"I want to tell you about what happened to my brother."

Dean's eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he hastily shook his head. "Oh, no, Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you under pressure or anything, you really don't need to tell me."

Cas smiled to himself, amused by Dean's strangely sweet reaction. That was one of the things that Cas so adored - yes, _adored, _for he let himself say that word now, because he knew that it was the truth. He loved how Dean always put others before himself; the way he was always so considerate and thoughtful to the people in his life - a trait that was becoming remarkably infrequent these days.

"I want to tell you." Cas repeated, breaking eye contact for a second. "But, there will be tears, and I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable."

Dean shook his head, and gestured towards the box of tissues sitting on his bedside table. He'd had a bit of a cold for the past week; hence the tissues and sore-throat sweets littering the wooden surface.

"That's okay. Just… stop, if it gets too much. I don't want to make you too upset."

Cas shook his head firmly. "I want to tell you." he repeated slowly. "It's not- it can't be healthy to keep everything bottled up inside, so I _need _to tell someone. And I trust you more than anyone else I know, so…"

Dean's gaze softened at Cas's words, and, almost as though he was embarrassed at the thought of being rejected, he hesitantly stretched his hand out in support; indicating to Cas that he could hold it, if he wanted.

Cas reached out blindly; grasping Dean's hand tightly. He ignored the tingle of something akin to electricity at the contact, because now was not the time to be thinking about his desire to have Dean's lips on his own, to feel Dean's fingers through his hair-

"I had two brothers, you know." Cas said, interrupting his own thoughts, keeping his eyes downcast. "They were twins. Michael and Nick. They were great, and our family had this little inside joke, because, in the Bible, there was an archangel called Michael, and the name 'Old Nick' is a colloquialism for the devil. They were the dark side and the light side.

"At the time, it was funny, because it seemed so true. Michael was a good student, who always got good grades at school. He went to university to study Psychology, because he said he wanted to help people. But Nick, he was a rebellious child, and he got expelled from school after school. He didn't really do anything with his life, except take A-class drugs and steal off our parents.

"But, you know, we all got along well. We were all sharing a flat together in Arizona, and that was nice. I enjoyed it, because I loved the company of my brothers - Michael, mostly, because he was always so encouraging, but Nick was a very funny person in his own way."

Cas paused for a second, and turned to look at Dean; startled to notice that Dean was already watching him carefully, his green eyes gentle and sad. Cas knew how close Dean and Sam were, and he wondered if Dean was noticing any parallels.

"About nine months ago, Nick started noticing these terrible migraines. According to him, they were excruciating, and nothing he did could make them go away. He just had to sit them out, and cope with the pain that couldn't be controlled by painkillers.

"And then we started noticing that his skin - mainly up around his hairline - was sort of-" Cas stopped briefly, trying to think of the right word to describe the horrible, _horrible _disease. "-peeling off his face. It almost looked like it was wearing thin, and the flesh underneath started to get all scabby and bloody and blistered."

Cas broke off and fidgeted awkwardly; already, he could feel hot tears prickling behind his eyes. The memories were just too new - they'd only started noticing Nick's headaches nine months ago, and, despite everything that had happened, everything he had done, he still missed who Nick used to be.

Dean squeezed Cas's hand tightly, apparently noticing Cas's emotional distress. "We can stop, if you want." he said quietly, his fingers unconsciously tracing gentle patterns across Cas's white knuckles. Cas - as distraught as he was - noticed the touch, and smiled to himself.

"No." Cas shook his head firmly - he needed to get it all out, and what better time than now? "I want to keep going." He cleared his throat awkwardly, and subtly reached for the box of tissues; crumpling one up in his spare hand.

"Nick's skin kept getting worse and worse, and- I don't know. It looked… _revolting. _We didn't know what it was, or if it was just something to do with the heat, or some new drug he was taking - it could have been anything. But then he started to get dizzy spells too, and when Michael and I caught him throwing up in the early hours of one morning, we knew we had to take him somewhere."

Cas could feel the first of the tears leaking from his eyes, and he hoped that, with his head down, Dean wouldn't notice. He knew that it was okay to cry, and that Dean wouldn't think any less of him for it, but it was still a weakness that he wanted to hide.

"We took him to the doctor's surgery, and they sent him straight to the hospital. It was all a bit of a blur from there onwards," Cas admitted, frustrated with himself for not remembering the details, "but it was scary. They had him on machines, and there were tubes in his stomach, and they were talking about some foreign disease, but they didn't know how he'd managed to catch it."

Dean's fingers were clutching tightly his wrist now, and Cas could feel a strange sort of fear coming from his friend. He knew what Dean was thinking, of course - how did all of this relate to Michael getting murdered? It was a long story; one that Cas wished with all of his heart he had never needed to share.

"When Nick was finally admitted from hospital a week later, he was told that the disease he was infected with was incurable. I still don't quite know what it is - but the doctors said it was rare, and one hundred percent of patients died. They gave him three months to live, and wanted to keep him under constant care at the hospital, but he refused.

"He came back to the apartment with us, but he was sick; very sick. After a while, Michael and I- well, we started noticing this… _change_ in his personality. At first we thought it was the illness affecting him, but then we realised that it was all just him. He was furious that _he _had been the one to get ill, because he didn't think he deserved it. He thought that his life was worth more than both mine and Michael's, and he hated us for being healthy."

Cas felt his voice breaking at that point, and so he stopped talking and reached up to scrub at his eyes. Unfortunately, Dean noticed the movement, and, before Cas knew what was happening, Dean had his thumb and index finger on Cas's chin; gently tilting his face up to look at him.

"Hey, Cas, it's okay." Dean whispered calmly, his eyes showing evident distress at Cas's out-of-character show of emotions. "It's okay, I'm here. Take your time." He pulled a tissue out from the box, and softly dabbed at Cas's eyes with it; collecting the tears that were streaming down his face.

A little part of Cas's heart melted at Dean's quiet tenderness, and it was at that point - with Dean's arms gently held around his shoulders, his beautiful eyes all full of concern - that Cas realised it was undeniably true.

He was falling in love with Dean, and he doubted anything would ever feel so right.

Cas sniffed, and cleared his throat; taking a deep breath as he started on the next chapter of the story, the part that kept him awake at night; the part that had made him consider taking his own life.

"Nick's hatred towards us grew more and more intense over the next few weeks, and there was nothing we could do to placate him. He kept lashing out at us, physically and mentally, but mostly at Michael, because they were twins, and he thought that Michael had won some sort of contest." Cas chuckled sadly to himself. "They always were the most competitive people I knew. But Nick was jealous that Michael was going to live, because he didn't think that it was fair.

"It was so bad that, one day, I came home to find Michael all beaten up and bruised, bending over the sink with a broken nose. For someone who was supposed to be terminally ill, Nick was still very strong, and his anger scared me. I wanted to call someone - _anyone - _to come and take him away from us, but Michael refused. If only he had listened, then he might still-"

Cas broke off then, soft sobs shaking his body at the painful memory. If only Michael had listened to him, then he might still be alive. If only- but it was too late for 'if onlys' now. Michael was gone, and Cas should have tried a little bit harder to save him.

The tears welled up just a little bit more, and Cas pushed his face down; hiding from Dean's sad eyes. He felt guilty to have Dean's sympathies; he didn't deserve them. And yet, here Dean was, offering him tissues and comforting words and gentle, warm hands.

Cas took another deep breath; steadying himself for the finale of the tale that made him who he was, for better or for worse. "And then, I don't know, the whole devil-and-angel thing turned out to be a lot less of a joke. Because- six weeks after Nick was diagnosed as terminally ill, I came home to find-" _Deep breath. _"-I came home to see Nick cradling Michael's dead body in his arms.

"At first, I didn't really know what he had done, because I had never dreamt that he would actually want to seriously hurt Michael. I knew he was angry, but… But then I saw all the blood, because the carpet was stained red, and I realised that there was a knife in Michael's stomach, and I felt sick because I hadn't been there to stop it." It had been so long since Cas had thought about that day - the blood, the tears, the agonising heartache. He had forgotten how much the pain made him want to rip himself to shreds.

"Nick was sobbing, and I didn't realise why. But then I heard him telling Michael that he hadn't wanted it to end like it had, but it was the only way that was fair on them both. And I couldn't stop crying, because Michael's eyes were lifeless and glazed over, and all I could think of was what had happened to Gabriel, and how I hadn't been able to stop that either."

Cas was crying openly now; his words thick and choked as he forced them out. He couldn't look Dean in the eye; he didn't think he could cope with all of Dean's sympathy and sorrow. So, instead, he buried his face in his hands; his shoulders shaking violently as he sobbed.

Then, he was vaguely aware of Dean's left hand moving to rest gently at his waist; his fingers stroking soothing, unconscious patterns into the sensitive skin. Dean's right hand moved up to hesitantly sweep his hair out of his face, his fingertips brushing clumsily against his forehead. Dean was murmuring something, Cas wasn't quite sure what, but he focused on the deep timbre of his friend's voice and tried to calm himself down.

After a few more minutes of Dean's quiet comfort and soft fingers, Cas sniffed, and looked up into Dean's eyes. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to see, but what was there surprised him. _Love. _Not the type that Cas felt for him; not the type of love that whispered secrets of dark lust and guilty desire - but a friendly love, one that offered the comforts of affectionate companionship, and promises of _I'll-never-hurt-you._

And that made him feel better, despite everything, because Dean genuinely cared.

"What happened to Nick?" Dean asked quietly, a few seconds later, his eyes still locked onto Cas's in a way that was making him feel slightly uncomfortable.

"He passed away pretty quickly after he killed Michael." Cas told him, no hint of regret in his voice. He didn't care. Once upon a time he might have, but not after what Nick had done to Michael. Not after he had betrayed them both. "But that was good. He didn't deserve to live anymore."

Dean's gaze softened slightly, and, before Cas could register what was about to happen, he was being pulled into an actual, proper hug; Dean's arms wrapping tightly around his waist, his chin resting lightly on Cas's shoulder.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Cas, I really am."

After a few seconds of surprised awkwardness, Cas let himself relax into the hug, bringing his arms up to wrap around Dean's firm chest. His eyes drifted closed as he buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck, warm and shockingly content in both his friend's arms and the mess of blankets.

Perhaps the tears and vulnerability had all been worth it, for a moment in Dean's embrace meant everything to Cas.

"I've lost everyone I ever cared for." Cas mumbled after a few minutes of soft stillness. "And it scares me to get close to people, Dean. I'm cursed, and I don't- I don't want to lose you too. I don't want you to leave me."

Dean's arms tightened instinctively, and he lifted his head to press a hesitant kiss to Cas's hair. His fingers were stroking up and down his friend's back in a way that he hoped was comforting, but Cas couldn't think about anything other than the feeling the sensation of Dean's lips in his hair had brought on.

"I won't leave you, Cas, you don't have to worry about that." Dean replied, holding Cas close. "I'm not going anywhere."


	21. Chapter 21

Author's Note: Hello, readers! How are you doing? Excited for the second episode of Season Nine?

So, this chapter is one from Dean's POV, because you guys all want to see what he's thinking about the whole situation. (: I hope you enjoy!

I got so many reviews last chapter, oh my gosh! Twenty five! *gasps* You guys are all so lovely, wow. Honestly, I'm actually pretty shocked that so many of you are actually reading this! Ahh! (: The people on today's WALL OF FAME are amazing and lovely and I'm so grateful! Thanks, guys: _more-profound-bond_ (I wondered if it was you last chapter, but I wasn't sure. :P I've changed it so it says your name.), _tii-chan17, thefreespirit18, kat4543, ____12crazythomas, ____lessien Amandil, ____BekaForEver_, ___CanadaLover008764_, _____jmcswim97_, fortheloveofOTPs, ThreeFriends, NCISRoTGPJTMNTGRRATAT39CGAFAN, ___RealCharactersFakeWorld_, MarilynNovak (that's not creepy, that's really sweet! Thank you so much!), ___Gustin azza_, _xBeautifullyxxShatteredx, Smiti, ______KahoriSaeko_, Leana-Vine, ___Casismyfavorite, ____missiontothestars, ______jfkgotblownaway_, manic the hedgehog, surrenderedwings and_______ DTaddict!_ Thanks so much! (:

See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty One.

_Dean's POV_

After Cas's startling confession about his brother's murder, Dean had found himself growing closer and closer to his roommate. It was as though the tearful confession had broken down the walls they both held so high, and the desire to see what Cas kept inside his castle was proving difficult to ignore.

Everything about Cas's past should have scared Dean; should have told him to turn around and leave and never come back, because such emotional damage was too much for him to cope with, but something… well, something had kept Dean from running.

Perhaps it was just _Cas_. Because, despite, all of his trauma, his pain, his wretched helplessness, there was something undeniably bright about him; a spark of burning white light that promised to transform into a fiery, passionate blaze. Dean couldn't help but to surround himself with all of the warmth - it was instinctive.

It was all so strange, upon reflection. A few months ago, Dean had been fine on his own. Sure, he had been lonely after Sam had gone off to Stanford, but it wasn't anything he couldn't cope with. But then up popped Cas, with his bright blue eyes and his tousled sex-hair and his habit of standing far too close, and Dean had just… let himself fall deeper and deeper into a pit he didn't want to think about.

Thinking about his feelings? Not something Dean enjoyed.

But he had to admit that things with Cas weren't what they used to be. Before Cas's breakdown, the line between friendship and romance had been strong; a clear, dazzling light that scared Dean, and kept him well away from even thinking about what life could be like on the other side. But now, the blinding light had faded, and Dean kept catching glimpses of a life he didn't know he wanted.

He could keep telling himself that the overwhelming urge to feels Cas's lips hot against his own was just because it had been a while since he had slept with someone, and that he'd have to be blind not to be attracted to Cas. And, anyway, it wasn't like he had ever claimed to be one hundred percent straight, so it really wasn't surprising that his every cell desired Cas's touch.

But… well, Dean wasn't exactly sure that lust was the only thing he felt for Cas. He had never been in love before, but he knew for certain that lust certainly didn't keep a person up at night, lying there thinking about what the future would be like with a certain person by their side. Lust didn't do that. Lust didn't make you dream about what could be if you were very lucky.

That was something that… _love_ did.

"What movie do you want to watch, Dean?" Cas's gruff voice was loud in the apartment, and it jolted Dean out of his reverie. His eyes snapped upwards, and he found himself staring at a patient-looking Cas.

"I'm sorry, what?" Dean asked, his eyes flickering across the room to glance at where Sam was sitting, smirking like a brat. It was almost as though he knew what was on Dean's mind, the bitch.

"We want to know what movie you want to watch." Cas repeated, waving the DVD player's remote control in Dean's face. "We can't decide between a horror movie or a comedy."

Dean turned back to Cas, and shrugged, an easy grin lighting up his face and the sight of Cas's serious expression. Cas had a way of making Dean smile like no one else could. "I don't care. Actually, no, put on a comedy. I'm not in the mood for a horror."

"Okay. Are you all right, Dean?" Cas asked, as he went about putting the movie on. "You seem distracted."

"You look like you're actually thinking hard about something, which is a total shock." Sam piped up, chuckling under his breath as Dean sent him a glare. "What? You're the one who says 'shoot first, ask questions later' It's not like you to think about something first."

Dean rolled his eyes, and settled himself comfortably against the couch; shuffling over slightly to where he knew Cas would be sitting, just so that he could be that little bit closer. "Shut up, Sammy. Go get some popcorn, bitch."

With a bit of a dramatic eye-roll, Sam got up of the bright red beanbag he had found at some second hand furniture shop - God knows why Sam thought that the apartment needed a beanbag, of all things. "Jerk."

"Make sure it's extra buttery!" Dean shouted after his retreating form.

As Dean watched Cas fiddle around with the volume on the television, he thought about what Sam had said. _Shoot first, ask questions later. _It was true; that was a phrase that Dean usually followed. Do what you want, damn the consequences. It hadn't let him down so far, because things tended to work in his favour, in the end.

But Cas wasn't just a concept. He wasn't an idea that could be edited through trial and error. If, eventually, Dean figured out that his feelings for Cas were exactly that: true, honest _feelings, _then he couldn't just muck about, could he? He couldn't just kiss him and wait to see what would happen.

It felt like there was an angel on one of his shoulders, and a demon on the other. One side was urging him on, saying '_Oh, what's the worst that could happen? Cas could be disgusted with you and leave? That's not going to happen.' _But, even if what he felt for Cas ended up being purely platonic, Dean didn't want him to leave. He didn't know how he would cope without his anxious, awkward friend by his side.

The other side, the more careful side, was telling Dean to wait. '_Wait and see what happens. Wait and see if Cas's behaviour around you changes. Wait and see if Cas feels anything towards you too. Just wait.'  
_

That side made Dean think. What _did _Cas feel for him? Was it just friendship? Or was it something more? Dean hadn't forgotten the very first night the two had shared a bed, and how, in the morning, Cas had been all tangled up with him, a content look on his sleeping face. Did that mean that, subconsciously, both men wanted the same thing?

Dean regarded Cas with critical eyes. If there was something there, something happening between them, would Cas address it? Or would he keep it all locked up inside? Unfortunately, Dean had to admit that, if there was something that Cas felt he needed to say, he probably wouldn't. He would probably keep silent, which meant… well, it was up to Dean to shoot first.

"But you are okay, aren't you, Dean?" Cas asked after a few moments, all quiet concern and gentle eyes. "If there was something wrong, you would tell me, or Sam, wouldn't you?"

The _urge _to lean over and kiss Cas was getting far too strong. It was scary, how tempting it was to just touch him. The odd hugs they sometimes shared weren't enough, and Dean wanted to know just how much more he wanted - just how much more he was allowed to have.

"I'm fine, thanks, Cas." Dean answered vaguely, smiling his very best smile. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Sam coming back into the room with a bowl of popcorn. "Now, let's get this movie started."

* * *

At some point during the two hour long movie, both Cas and Sam had fallen asleep. Sam was all curled up around the beanbag, his face peaceful and sleep-slackened against the cheap red fabric. Cas had fallen asleep slumped uncomfortably against Dean's side, and the mere touch of his warm body was making Dean tingle.

He had completely lost track of what was happening on the screen, but the protagonist was annoying, so it didn't really matter. He was just too absorbed in watching the gorgeous man by his side; the man who trusted him enough to fall asleep in his presence. Dean had never had anyone, save for Sam, who trusted him quite as much as Cas did.

It was all quite confusing, but Dean didn't care. He was living life in the moment, and all he wanted right now was to feel Cas's fingers threaded through his hair; arms around his body. Dean, had, however, found that, at some point in the night, he had wound an arm around Cas's shoulders; holding him close, buried in all of the night's darkness.

Absentmindedly, Dean stroked his fingers against the sharp angles of Cas's collarbones, which had been exposed by his too-big shirt slipping off his shoulders. It was strange, to be touching Cas like he was, but the feeling in the pit of his stomach was surprisingly, _dangerously_ pleasant.

After a few seconds, of quiet contemplating, Dean cast another quick glance at the still-sleeping Sam, and leant forwards to impulsively kissed Cas on the temple; surprising himself with his actions. He felt his face turning pink at the realisation of what he had just done, but he ignored it, and settled down against the sofa's cushions, preparing himself for a night dreaming of a man with bright blue eyes.

And, as Cas turned around in his sleep, and pressed his face into Dean's shoulder, mumbling something quietly under his breath, Dean vowed that soon - when they were both ready, and he figured out just what was happening in his head - he would do something about the irresistible temptation he had to kiss Cas properly.


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note: HELLO! So, it's Friday, whoo! (: I can sleep in tomorrow, yay. :P

So many reviews again last chapter! You guys are great, oh my gosh. (: So, massive hugs to all the WALL OF FAME lovelies: _more-profound-bond_, _thefreespirit18, G____ustin azza_, _____12crazythomas_, _____________BekaForEver_, _________lessien Amandil_, _____________CanadaLover008764, becca65d, ________________jfkgotblownaway_, _______________jmcswim97_, _____Casismyfavorite_, _tii-chan17_ (well, the devil was the 'go for it' part, and the angel was the 'just wait' part, but I think Dean hates both ideas, to be honest. You know him. :P), _JamOnToasttt, __Leana-Vine, JonghyunSaranghae, __________NCISRoTGPJTMNTGRRATAT39CGAFAN_, Nikki-SilverRose, _________surrenderedwings, ________KahoriSaeko_, sofia-sama, aryANNA-Z, _________missiontothestars_ and _______DTaddict_! Thanks so much, you're all lovely, and I think you'll like this chapter. :P

See you all on Tuesday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Two.

"I freaking hate the snow." Dean groaned from his position exactly three inches away from the fireplace. "It's not romantic or fun or any of that shit. It's just cold and miserable and inconvenient."

Sam - who was curled up under a thick woollen blanket on the sofa, reading one of his many fascinating books - raised his head to smirk at Dean. "It's not that bad, Dean. Stop whining. At least we still have the power."

Cas smiled gently to himself, remembering the powerless evening he and Dean had shared. It seemed like years ago; so much had happened since. Sam was living with them now, Dean knew all about Michael and it hadn't changed anything, and Cas was already half way through writing his novel.

"Hey, don't jinx it!" Dean complained heartily, mainly to himself, though, because Sam was back with his head in his book. Cas looked up at Dean then, and smiled, and Dean returned it easily, before glancing back at the blazing fire.

Dean and Cas's relationship had grown so much, both in strength and depth- though Cas wasn't quite sure exactly what kind of relationship it actually was. Since that night - a few weeks ago - when Cas had broken down in floods of tears, Dean seemed a lot less… _platonic_ with him.

It wasn't a rare occurrence for Cas to wake up with Dean's arm draped across his middle, or for Dean to sweep him up into a cuddle at seemingly random times. And this sudden loss of nonsexual boundaries frustrated Cas, because he didn't know what it all meant.

Was that what normal friendships were like? Was it a normal occurrence for one friend to pick up the hand of another and play with his fingers? Or was Dean trying to hint at something? Because sometimes - and only very rarely, Cas thought he caught Dean watching him, and he was _sure _he could see the lust he felt so frequently echoed in Dean's green eyes. But if that was the case, then why wasn't Dean doing something about it?

Cas sighed to himself, knowing, deep down, that it was only his imagination playing cruel tricks on him. He'd seen Dean around Sam, and Sam had had his fair share of hugs and pokes.

But still. Cas found himself hoping.

"Cas? Earth to Castiel? _Cas, I'm talking to you_. CAS." Cas snapped out of his thoughts when a pillow hit him rather violently upside the head. He blinked, dazed, and noticed that Dean was attempting to communicate with him.

"Sorry, Dean, what were you saying?" Cas shifted awkwardly, and noticed that Sam was looking at him amusedly, a knowing smile on his face.

"Nice of you to join us." Dean chuckled. "Sam was just complaining about how we don't have any decent snacks, and he thinks we might get snowed in at some point. So I said we'd got out and get some from the shop down the road."

Cas glanced out the window, not missing the rather heavy snowfall. "Are you sure we can't go and get them tomorrow?" he asked, not wanting to catch pneumonia. "It's nine o'clock at night, I'm sure no one needs snacks at this hour."

Dean grinned widely at Cas's complaints, and stood up - much to Cas's eternal dismay. "Come on, scaredy-cat. It won't be so bad once we're outside, and we'll get those little chocolate eggs that you like so much."

Cas grumbled under his breath, but stood up, and collected his coat and scarf from the coat rack just by the door. After a few farewell words to Sam, Cas followed Dean outside the apartment, and hurried down the stairs after him.

* * *

After buying half of the convenience store's confectionary isle, and five bags of the little chocolate eggs that Dean had promised, the two men made it outside the shop, weighed down by their surprisingly heavy bags.

"Okay, you were right, it's absolutely freezing out here." Dean admitted, glancing over at Cas with a sheepish smile on his face. "I should have brought gloves."

Cas returned the grin easily, a part of him still surprised at how effortless it was to express happiness in Dean's presence. "I'm always right, Dean. And now we're both going to catch either hypothermia or frostbite, and then the snacks will never make it home, and Sam will be so disappointed."

Dean chuckled, and looked up at the sky, watching as the little flakes of snow danced and whirled their way down to the ground to create a blanket of cold across the already frosty pavement.

"You know, I think I changed my mind, actually." he murmured, his voice low and slightly husky; a noise that did nothing but make Cas's toes curl with desire. "It _is_ pretty romantic."

Cas's eyebrows pulled down in confusion, and he tilted his head to the left slightly, studying Dean and his expression intently. "What is, the snow?"

Dean turned to face him, his mouth open and ready to make a witty comment. But then something, and Cas wasn't quite sure what it was, made him shut his mouth and smile fondly, his eyes crinkling around the edges in a way Cas hadn't seen them do in what felt like forever.

"…Dean?" he asked, confused by Dean's… well, if Cas didn't know any better, he would have called it a _smitten _expression.

Dean smiled again, and hung his head low, his lips still curled up in a gentle smile. "Oh, God, Cas. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. I mean… I promised myself I would wait and see what happened, because I didn't want to make any impulsive decisions and ruin everything, but I just can't, and I'm sorry."

Cas - who felt almost sick with nerves, because Dean's statement didn't sound like a good thing at all - was just about to ask his friend to clarify, when suddenly Dean's calloused fingers were softly stroking across his cheeks; gently cupping his face before he brought his lips down to brush across Cas's own in the most tender of ways.

Cas froze.

Dean was… _kissing_ him? Like, properly kissing him, in a way that Cas had only dreamt about? He had never thought that- had never even _considered _that maybe Dean truly felt the same way. Why would he? He could have anyone he wanted, but he had chosen… Cas? Broken, anxious, messed-up Cas?

But, as Dean moved his hands down Cas's neck, his frosty fingers resting lightly over the hollow at the base of his throat, Cas realised that he didn't care about his friend's reasoning, because there were more important things for him to be thinking about, like the fact that _Dean Winchester _had his lips against Cas's, and it was completely voluntarily.

And so Cas kissed back.

It started out gentle, their kiss; slow and calm and beautiful. Dean's fingers were softly stroking through the wispy hairs at the nape of Cas's neck, his mouth moving in tandem with his hands. Cas had never experienced such a kiss before, and he found it dangerously pleasant, the way Dean was suckling on his lips, biting them gently until Cas was sure faint bruises would appear.

Slowly, Cas moved his fingers from where they were clutching helplessly at Dean's shoulders, and trailed them down the hard lines of his body, before sliding them underneath the hem of his shirt; marvelling at the feel of Dean's deliciously soft skin. He kept his fingers innocent, for he was aware that they were standing in the middle of an admittedly empty street, but Cas's body was insanely curious as to what would happen if he let his fingers wander.

Cas didn't know what had inspired the sudden kiss, not at all, but, as Dean moaned soft, muffled words into his lips, he found that he didn't quite care.

Though he wasn't a natural kisser, and hadn't had much practice, when Dean's tongue swept hesitantly across his lips, Cas parted them eagerly; letting Dean in, and causing tongues to collide in a mess of blossoming passion. He liked the way Dean tasted, the way he felt moving under his fingertips.

He could feel the fiery warmth of Dean's touch spreading through his body, awakening all of his senses in the best possible way. It was utterly intoxicating, the sensation, and just as he was about to give himself completely to Dean's touch, Cas suddenly remembered where they were, and what they were doing.

He broke away from Dean's almost irresistible lips with an involuntary gasp, before he stumbled backwards a few steps, clumsy in his haste. Dean's eyes fluttered open - bright olive in the dark - his face confused and anxious at Cas's sudden reaction.

"Cas?" Dean's voice was frantic, and it made Cas's heart thud against his chest with so much raw emotion that it hurt. "Oh, shit- Cas, I'm sorry."

Cas didn't quite know why Dean was apologising - the kiss was the best thing that he had ever experienced in his life - so he shook his head hurriedly, unable to form the proper words in his breathless, exhilarated state.

"Dean, don't- It's okay." Cas sucked in another breath of air, and wondered why Dean wasn't as out of breath as he was. Practice, he supposed. "You don't need to- I," he cleared his throat awkwardly, "-I liked it too."

Dean exhaled, visibly relieved, and then smiled, stepping forwards to gently enfold Cas in his arms, all warm in the chilly winter air. He pressed a quick kiss to Cas's neck that made him shiver, and grinned again.

"You had me worried there, Cas. I thought that maybe I'd, uh, fucked everything up, like I usually do." he chuckled under his breath, and Cas's urge to kiss him again was almost overpowering.

After a few seconds of standing in the snow, bodies entwined, shopping bags long forgotten, Cas pulled away from the embrace, and traced a finger down Dean's face, marvelling at the fact that he could _do so now. _Dean closed his eyes and nuzzled against his hand, and Cas couldn't help the smile that crept across his face.

"Dean… why did you kiss me?" Cas finally asked.

Dean's eyes flickered open, his face all soft as he regarded Cas carefully. That same look from a week ago was back in Dean's eyes; the look that whispered hidden tales of loveand happiness and promises that would never be broken. His cheeks were dusted pale pink; and he looked so adorable that Cas almost kissed him again.

"Oh, Cas. I kissed you because my heart skips a beat when you walk in the room, no matter how freaking gay that sounds. Because whenever I think of someone else kissing you- someone else _being _with you, I get all- all wrought up and jealous. Because- I don't know, you accepted Sam as a part of your life, no questions asked, simply because you knew that it was what I wanted. Because you're this… this innocent, amazing person, and I think-" Dean inhaled shakily. "-I think I could find myself falling in love with you."

There was silence as Cas digested everything Dean had said. He knew that Dean was watching him with worried eyes; apprehensive because he wasn't sure how Cas - the self-proclaimed sceptic - would react to such words.

But then Cas smiled, bright and wide, because if you couldn't be completely blissful after such a confession, then when could you be? He had so much that he wanted to say to Dean in return; so much that he felt like he was going to explode, but he didn't know quite what to say first.

"Dean… did you know that when you blush, the lining of your stomach turns red as well?" Cas blurted out, for reasons beyond his understanding. Perhaps it was because the pink of Dean's cheeks was just so sweet, and it was taking all of Cas's willpower not to sweep him up into another kiss.

Dean's grin grew infinitely wider at the strangely-timed fact, and he pressed a quick kiss to Cas's mouth, his gentle laughter barely restrained.

"Oh, Cas. What am I gonna do with you, huh?"

And then Dean drew him in for another kiss, and another, and another.


	23. Chapter 23

Author's Note: Hey, guys! How are we all? Hopefully good! (:

Well, I thought, because you're all so lovely and nice to me with your kind reviews, I'd give you a bit of a warning: Don't ignore the upcoming fluff. Embrace the fluff. Savour the fluff. Because... _things _are going to happen in a few chapters time, and then you'll probably all be wanting the fluff again. (: So yeah. Just a warning, because you are great readers. :P

Which brings me to my next point: THE WALL OF FAME! I got so many reviews, thank you! All my love to: _ElkeCQuinn_ (They all got dropped at some point, I suppose),_thefreespirit18_, _more-profound-bond,_ a _guest, ExtraSuperWhoLockian, __________lessien Amandil_ (Oh, thanks!), _kat4543, ______12crazythomas_, _____________BekaForEver_, _____________CanadaLover008764, __G____ustin azza, ______________________________jmcswim97_, ___________________Casismyfavorite, ______________________missiontothestars, ________DTaddict_, ___________aryANNA-Z, ________________tii-chan17_ (You know me too well...), _Nikki-SilverRose_, _JonghyunSaranghae_,_ xBeautifullyxxShatteredx, liife2uck2 _(that's all right!), _____________________________jfkgotblownaway_, _xToastedZelda, __Leana-Vine_, 5mit1, ___________________KahoriSaeko_ and ___________sofia-sama_! Twenty seven reviews, wow. You guys constantly surprise me!

I hope you enjoy this chapter, and the next episode of Supernatural! (: See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Three.

It was surprising that the two men managed to get all of the shopping home after that, because their journey was filled with stolen kisses and grabby hands and biting teeth and a desperate sort of urgency.

A small part of Cas was still a bit worried about getting hypothermia in the snowy night time air, but then he realised that any sensation of the frosty cold had been expelled from his body by Dean's hungry touch, and that the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach made him feel like he would never be chilly again.

It was unexpectedly difficult to move as one attached unit, hastily re-packed shopping bags looped around their forearms, but Cas couldn't bring himself to care. He had been imagining this moment in his head for what felt like a lifetime, and to finally be able to live it was just… incredible.

But even in Cas's wildest, most explicit dreams, he had never known anything like it. The desires he had previously only fantasized about - to have Dean's fingers on his body, his enchantingly soft lips at his throat - had never been quite this _consuming. _But now, it was all he could do to not rip Dean's clothing off in the middle of the street, and to let Dean have his wicked way with him.

And the best thing about it all? Dean felt the exact same way.

Once they were inside the main part of the apartment complex, Dean tugged on Cas's hand, roughly pulling him towards the elevator, their movements awkward and fumbling and interrupted by sweet, yet insistent kisses. Cas was thankful for the elevator, because God knows how long it would have taken them to reach the top of the stairs otherwise.

Once inside the fortunately empty elevator, Dean drew Cas in close, pressing their lips together in a long, beautiful kiss; his fingers all knotted in Cas's coat's lapels. Cas responded enthusiastically, his hands moving to push Dean's heavy coat off his shoulders; his fingers roaming over the thin t-shirt that lay underneath.

A loud '_ding' _from the elevator alerted the men that they had reached their floor, and they pulled apart reluctantly; Dean's hands still fisted in Cas's coat. Together, they stumbled blindly down the painfully long hallway until they reached their apartment, anticipation and vibrant desire hanging heavy in the air as Dean searched for his keys in his coat pockets.

"Dean…" Cas couldn't help the whiny moan that escaped him as Dean's search became slightly more frantic, for they both wanted nothing more than the painfully delicious friction caused by burning, _naked_ skin-on-skin. To encourage Dean's searching, Cas attached his lips to Dean's neck, and suckled softly at the skin, his tongue darting out and licking up the sweat that was causing his skin to glisten.

Finally, Dean managed to locate his keys, and with slightly shaky hands, pushed open the heavy wooden door, and the two men stumbled in, warm bodies pressed close and entwined, red-faced and sweaty, and-

"About time, guys. What took you so- _oh_."

_Sam_.

With a slight gasp at the _stupidly_ unanticipated interruption, Dean pulled away from Cas at a heart-sinking speed, and turned his head to a slightly uncomfortable, slightly amused Sam.

"Uh, hey, Sam." Dean cleared his throat awkwardly, and, after putting his shopping bags down on the floor, tried in vain to smooth out his mussed-up, vaguely just-had-sex hair. Subtly, Cas straightened his coat, and ran tentative fingers across his chin, which was all red and blotchy thanks to Dean's scratchy stubble. "We were just-"

"Spare me the details." Sam commented with a pained expression, still looking awkward and red-faced from his place on the sofa. "I really do not need to know what-" he gestured towards their sweaty, obviously aroused bodies awkwardly, "-this involves."

Cas fidgeted uneasily, and wondered if maybe Sam disapproved of his and Dean's obvious passion. Cas didn't want to believe that Sam wouldn't accept him as Dean's… how would they end up labelling themselves? Boyfriends? Lovers? Fuck buddies? Whatever he would end up being to Dean, Cas didn't want Sam to reject it, because he… well, he wasn't sure what Dean would do if that were the case. He couldn't just expect Dean to choose him over his own _brother._

But luckily, before Cas got the chance to properly panic, Sam smiled; an expression on his face that looked so completely foreign that it threw Cas for a minute. Because he had never seen Sam smile like that before; it was always watery eyes and red cheeks and a straight face that was trying not to break.

"But, anyway, good for you, guys. I'm really happy for you, and I'm sure you'll be great for each other. Just don't let him boss you around too much though, Cas, hey?" Sam chuckled to himself, before standing up and grabbing his coat.

Dean rolled his eyes at his brother, ill-disguised affection obvious in his expression, and Cas heaved a sigh of relief at Sam's accepting words, thankful that he wasn't going to have to give up everything that he had only just grasped.

"I won't." Cas promised sincerely, his voice catching in his throat slightly.

"Good." Sam smiled at the two again, and opened the door. "And now I'm going to leave, because I really do not want to be here when-" he broke off to gesture between their bodies again, though this time, he was grinning childishly, "-you two get all freaky together. So, uh, call me once you're done, so I can come back without seeing anything mind-scarring."

Dean smiled at his brother politely, yet Cas could see a burning desire in the strong lines of his back, and the tense muscles of his forearms. He could tell that all Dean wanted was to continue what they had started; to connect their lips once more, and to feel Cas's body pressed against his own.

"Sure will, Sammy. Bye."

With a lot more force than was necessary, Dean pushed Sam out of the apartment and slammed the door shut; ignoring the half-frustrated, half-amused cries of _'it's SAM' _coming from down the hallway.

"Thank fuck for that." Dean exhaled, before turning to Cas to bring a gentle hand up to cup his face. Softly, he pressed a kiss to Cas's lips, and then another, and another, and another.

Cas relaxed into Dean's warm touch; closing his eyes as Dean nuzzled against his neck, his stubble scratching across Cas's collarbones in a way that should have been painful, but wasn't.

After a few more seconds of gentleness, Cas couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Dean's body hard against his own, and stumbled backwards; hitting his hips against the kitchen bench. He kissed Dean with everything he had; every single emotion that he had ever felt.

"Dean…" Cas couldn't help but moan slightly as Dean's fingers trailed up and down his spine lightly; tracing innocent patterns that made shivers course through his body. "Dean… I want you. All of you. Now. Please."

Perhaps it was ridiculous of Cas to make such a request, for the two had only first kissed half an hour ago. Cas did know that there were supposed to be set stages in a relationship; cuddles, kisses, and then, when enough time to be respectable had passed, sex. But how could he possibly be expected to wait? Dean's breath was hot on his skin, and his fingers were drifting precariously low.

"…Are you sure, Cas?" Dean asked after a few seconds, his voice low and slightly gravelly. He raised his head from where he had been kissing Cas's collarbone, and looked into Cas's eyes; bright azure meeting an almost emerald green in a clash of fervent hunger.

And the look of crazy desire scrawled all over Dean's face confirmed it for Cas; he wanted Dean, _now._

"Yes."


	24. Chapter 24

Author's Note: Hello, guys! Now, I hope this chapter is fluffy enough to cancel out all of our Season Nine feels! Because I'm certainly all emotionally distraught. (:

Oh, there's a warning for this chapter! I was going to put it at the end so I didn't spoil anything, but then I decided it'd be better if I put it here. So, there are mentions of self-harm in this chapter, and I mean no disrespect to anyone. I don't know anyone who has self-harmed seriously, but I can just imagine how awful it is. So yeah. Also, on that note, if any of you guys want to talk about anything you're sad about, I'll always listen. (:

On a more positive note: Thanks so much for all of your reviews! You're all so sweet! *sniffs* But, guys, this is a T rated fic, so I'm sorry if I've disappointed anyone. (: So, the AWESOME people on today's WALL OF FAME are: _becca65d, JamOnToasttt, __ElkeCQuinn_, ___________________________________________________________missiontothestars_, ___more-profound-bond_, _______________G____ustin azza,_ LoryLily, _______________BekaForEver _(um... sorry! But there is a happy ending!_______________)_, ___________lessien Amandil_, Merriam grace, RealCharactersFakeWorld, , _______12crazythomas_, _______________________________________________jmcswim97_, _____________________________________Casismyfavorite_, _______________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_, surrenderedwings (aw, I'm glad!),_____________CanadaLover008764_, ___Leana-Vine_, Free Will Lover, _____________________________jfkgotblownaway_, _____________________KahoriSaeko_ and _Toki Asamia _(thanks for both! I do love my reviews. :P) You guys are all amazing, I wouldn't be so motivated to post if it wasn't for all your support!

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and I'll see you all on Tuesday!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Four.

"_I want it to be a book that tells the truth about the world. I don't want it to be a lie."_

"…_You don't think that it's possible to be truly happy? You don't think that _you'll_ ever be happy?"_

"_No."_

"_That's… that's sad, Cas."_

Cas had always believed that happiness was a hard - bordering on impossible - thing to find. He had always believed that the emotion was just a lie told by idealistic film producers; an untruth written into society because everyone wanted desperately to escape the natural sadness of the world.

He had always thought of the particular emotion as an over-exaggeration of contentment; an incorrect and romantic definition of a feeling that adolescents had made up in an attempt to convince themselves that everything was perfect in their lives.

Cas had never thought that it was something that he would feel.

But as he lay with Dean, their bodies entwined loosely around both each other and the thin sheets of Dean's bed, Cas couldn't help but to feel something stabbing at his chest; an emotion that felt so good that he thought it should hurt. Perhaps it really was happiness.

Dean's form - beautiful, it was, with its amazingly long limbs and creamy-smooth skin and chiselled, rock-hard muscles - was stretched out next to him sleepily, an arm thrown possessively across Cas's stomach. Absentmindedly, Cas stroked his fingers out across Dean's bicep; his fingers brushing over the gentle curve of his muscles, tracing the lines of his collarbones.

To see Dean's gorgeous form so exposed in sleep was just breathtaking. There was nothing about him that didn't captivate Cas - his intense green eyes, his full pink lips, his strong, tall frame. The way his eyes crinkled around the edges when he laughed, the way he _radiated _pure, sincere kindness. Cas still couldn't believe that someone like Dean had chosen to be with someone… someone like him. Someone who was clumsy and damaged and very occasionally rude, and… it was amazing.

Lost in his thoughts, Cas leant forwards and brushed his lips against Dean's shoulder, kissing across his chest until his lips rested against Dean's throat; his pulse beating steadily and causing Cas to smile. With another grin, Cas turned away from Dean, and regarded his room quietly.

The sunlight from the half-open curtains was flooding into the room in a way that reminded Cas of a children's fairytale, and, with sleepy eyes, he turned to watch the dust particles that were accentuated by the sun dance. He had never found beauty in such small things, but Dean had changed all of that. Dean had changed _him._

After a few minutes of staring off into space, Cas turned his eyes back to Dean - the man who had held him gently the previous night, and had stroked his fingers through his hair, telling him that he was beautiful, beautiful, _beautiful._

Cas wondered if he really thought it was true.

"Good morning, sunshine."

Cas was startled to notice that Dean was slowly waking up, and he suddenly felt awkward and embarrassed, because he had been watching Dean like a creeper, and he wasn't sure whether Dean would feel violated by his inquisitive eyes.

Before Cas got the chance to apologise for his strange staring, Dean yawned, and then half-sat up in the bed so he could bend down and gently kiss Cas in a way that made the butterflies flutter in his stomach.

"Good morning, Dean. Why did you call me 'sunshine'?" Cas asked when Dean drew away.

Dean smirked. "Wow, Cas. You say the best things after I kiss you." he joked, pressing another kiss to Cas's lips. "I called you 'sunshine' because you looked, uh, pensive, I suppose, so it was a joke."

"I see." Cas said, smiling warmly at Dean. He'd never been given any pet names before, and hearing the word escape from Dean's lips made happy shivers run down his spine. "I like it."

Dean chuckled lightly under his breath, and turned to Cas with a teasing look in his stunning eyes. "Oh, you do, do you? I didn't have you down as a pet name person. Okay, well, what about 'baby'? You like that name?"

Cas shook his head firmly, an amused smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "No, I don't. It feels too condescending."

Dean chuckled, and swept a hand across Cas's mussed-up hair. "Fair enough. What about 'honey'?"

* * *

After much laughter and increasingly silly pet names from Dean, Cas had only found one more name that he liked. _Angel. _He wasn't quite sure why he liked it, or how it would ever sound natural in conversation, but, nevertheless, he liked it.

"Maybe I should just call you 'Angel' from now on." Dean laughed, planting a kiss on Cas's forehead. He then proceeded to swing his legs over the side of the bed, and stretch in a way that made his shoulders pop. "It would definitely make Sam squirm, anyways."

Cas smiled, and got out of the warm bed too, feeling slightly chilly in the cold morning air in only his boxer shorts. He turned to Dean, ready to say something, before the confused and slightly shocked expression on Dean's face stopped him.

"Dean? What is it?" Cas asked after a few seconds of silent staring, somewhat panicked by Dean's strange expression. He didn't like it at all, especially not when it was directed at him.

"Oh, Cas…" Without saying anything else, Dean made his way over to where Cas was standing, frozen, and wrapped him up into a warm, sympathetic hug. Responding as best he could in his scared state, Cas buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck, his arms making their way around his lover's chest.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Cas whispered after a few seconds. He had no idea what had made Dean go so quiet, and he didn't like it, not one bit. Was it him? Was there something wrong with him? He knew that he never looked particularly great in the morning, but surely that wouldn't matter? Maybe… was Dean doubting everything they had done together, all the sins they had surely committed?

"I didn't- I didn't notice them last night." Dean murmured in response, tightening his grip around Cas's shoulders. "It must have been the light or just how preoccupied we were, or _something_, but I didn't see them. And I'm so sorry."

And then Cas realised what Dean was talking about. He had noticed the scars that harshly decorated his upper thighs, like some sort of melancholic spider web. Cas had felt so confident under Dean's lustful gaze the previous night that he hadn't even given the ugly marks a second thought.

"Oh… I-" Cas trailed off, not knowing what to say. He hoped Dean didn't find them too repulsive. But then the last part of Dean's sentence finally registered - _I'm so sorry. _Why was he sorry? Was he sorry because he didn't want to touch Cas ever again? Was he was too disgusted by the remnants of pain embedded in his flesh?

"Why are you sorry?" Cas asked gently, resisting the urge to wrap his fingers tightly around Dean's wrist and never let go.

Dean pulled away, and gently traced his thumb down Cas's face, soft and slow in his movements, like he was afraid Cas might break. "Because I didn't realise. Because I had never thought that losing Gabriel and Michael had hurt you _that_ much."

Cas relaxed slightly at Dean's kind touch, and trailed one of his fingers across the line of the deepest scar. "I don't- I don't like the scars, Dean. But they helped me to cope when things got too bad."

Carefully, Dean imitated Cas's actions, and traced a finger across another of the scars - his touch feather-light and cautious. "When did you- when did you last cut?"

Cas's forehead scrunched up as he tried to remember. Thankfully, it had been so long since he had last even _thought _about cutting, so he couldn't remember the exact date. "Maybe… just under a week before I met you."

Dean exhaled heavily, and continued tracing his finger across the scars, yet Cas noticed that he was saying absolutely nothing at all. After a few minutes of Dean's hesitant stroking, Cas spoke up. "I hope…" he took a slightly wobbly breath in. "I hope you're not too repulsed by them."

Dean looked up then, his eyes confused. "What do you mean, Cas? I wasn't lying when I said you were beautiful. You _are _beautiful, scars or not. And I don't want you to feel embarrassed by them, or insecure or anything. I… I kind of like them. They make you who you are."

At Cas's somewhat dubious expression, Dean chuckled under his breath, and drew Cas in for another long, sweet kiss.

"All angels have scars, Cas."


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note: Hiya, guys! How is everyone doing? Good, hopefully! (:

Okay, before I start with the WALL OF FAME, I just wanted to ask something of you guys. If you're going to talk about a new episode of Season Nine in the reviews, could you please out a little spoiler warning just before it, please? Some people who read the reviews haven't watched the new episodes yet, and I think we all want everyone to have the same, unspoiled OMG reaction as we do. :P Thanks, guys! (:

Anyways, it's time for the WALL OF FAME! A huge thanks to all these great people: _______________CanadaLover008764_ (Your last review made me laugh, it wasn't harsh at all!), _DTaddict _(uh... not quite, sorry), _JamOnToasttt_, _________________G____ustin azza_, _____more-profound-bond_, _Jbl _(I'm sure they will. You deserve your own Dean (:), a _guest, ______________________________________________________________missiontothestars_, _____________lessien Amandil_, _RealCharactersFakeWorld_, Dark Eva, _________________________________________________jmcswim97_, _______________________________jfkgotblownaway_, _becca65d_, _________________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_ (I thought 'long limbs' sounded better than 'short bow legs'. And I don't think it was much shorter...?), _daleklover _(for both reviews, thanks!), _nop e, liife2uck2 _(Okay, I'm sorry if it offended you, I just thought that Dean would be lovely and make Cas not feel bad about his scars. Thank you for telling me though, and I hope no one else was upset/offended by it!), _________________________KahoriSaeko_, _____Leana-Vine_ (haha, yes, they did), _Emlii, ________________________________________Casismyfavorite_ and _Toki Asamia_! Thanks so much guys, you make my day. You're amazing. (:

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, and the next Supernatural episode! (Though, please keep in mind to give a warning before any spoilers!) See you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Five.

When Cas and Dean finally emerged from Dean's bedroom at the terrifyingly late time of eleven o'clock that morning, Sam was sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee, smiling smugly to himself at the sight of the two men.

Just the painfully self-satisfied look on Sam's face made Cas blush; all it did was bring up memories of the night they had spent together - and this time, it hadn't all be just a dream.

It had all been a bit of a hot mess, their night; breathy, choked-out words and a broken sort of desperation, shamefully inappropriate panting and an undignified begging, long strings of blasphemous profanity and _Jesus fucking Christ, Cas- ohhh, god fucking damn it, Cas, ohhh fuuuuuck._

The memories of his and Dean's sweaty bodies rolling around the bed with such fervent vigour made Cas's face go a blotchy sort of scarlet, and, when Dean noticed his strange expression and threw him a lascivious wink, Cas tried to focus on the less blush-worthy part of the night - the warmth and tenderness they had then shared.

In all honesty, the cuddling and gentle kissing had probably been Cas's favourite part of it all. Dean was warm and soft and enjoyed snuggling, and Cas had been more than happy to fall asleep in his embrace; content and safe because Dean was watching over him.

"You two sleep well?" Sam sniggered to himself, his childish grin widening as Dean rolled his eyes in response.

"Very well, thank you, Sam." Cas answered honestly, because he _had _slept well all cuddled up with Dean - especially after all of the unplanned strenuous physical activities he had participated in.

Sam chuckled, and it was a sound that made Cas happy. It seemed as though Sam truly was getting a bit better - perhaps the dark hole that he surely felt in his chest was shifting, or, even better, dissolving into a small, easily ignorable nothingness.

Because he was hovering awkwardly in the middle of the living room, Cas went over to the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, and began digging around for an orange. Dean followed suit, and stuck his head in the fridge; hunting for a suitable breakfast-come-lunch snack.

Sam moved over to the kitchen too, and Cas could tell that he wanted to talk to Dean - alone. So, after finding a not-too-soft orange, Cas placed himself on the sofa and picked up the newspaper in an attempt to look like he wasn't about to eavesdrop.

"What are you up to today?" Dean asked Sam, his voice low.

"Why, are you hoping to get rid of me?" Sam asked, feigning hurt. After a few seconds of pretending to sob inconsolably, he smirked at his brother again. "Not too much. I don't really have much to do these days."

Dean nodded to himself sadly, and pulled a quarter of an apple pie out of the fridge.

"Are you comfortable to still be here- you know, with me and Cas?" Dean's voice was strained, and Cas could tell that he didn't really want to be having that particular conversation with his brother. "I don't want to make you feel uneasy, and I know that Cas doesn't either."

Sam chuckled to himself, and, out of the corner of his eye, Cas saw him shake his head. "I'm not too worried, Dean. As long as I don't _see _anything-" he broke off to snigger again, and Cas presumed it was just to irritate Dean. "-then I'm fine."

Dean ignored Sam's obvious amusement, and shifted uncomfortably against the kitchen counter. "But, you know, after everything that happened between you and Jess, it's not- it's not too much, is it?"

Cas held his breath; anxious, because he knew that if Sam did say that seeing his brother so obviously smitten with his roommate made him long for what he had lost, then Dean would make sure that he and Cas put whatever they had on hold.

Sam cleared his throat, and shook his head again, yet this time, he dropped eye contact and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. When he spoke up, his voice was only just over a whisper. "No. It's not too much. I- I like Cas, Dean, and I'm really glad that the two of you are happy together."

"Thank you, Sam." Dean muttered, pulling his brother into a hug. "I'm glad."

Later that day, after Sam had 'popped out to get some food' - despite the fact that Cas and Dean had risked hypothermia only the night before - Cas began to wonder if maybe it was time to talk to Dean about, well, _everything_. Over the past twelve hours, not much talking had happened, and, as much as Cas had enjoyed the times when they had been previously occupied_,_ he felt that talking would be good.

At the current time, Cas and Dean were watching some surprisingly apt romantic comedy on the TV. Dean was pressing gentle kisses to Cas's neck, his jaw line, his lips; slow and calm, because Sam would only be gone for a few minutes, and neither men wanted to mentally scar him when he walked back in.

Though, despite the thought that Sam could be back at any second, Cas was struggling to keep his kisses innocent - having Dean's body pressed against his own, lazy and warm, was doing nothing but the most inspire lustful sensations in the pit of his stomach.

With a bit of a groan, Cas pulled away from Dean's beautifully pouted lips. "Dean-" he exhaled with a slightly shuddering breath, and a small part of him wondered when he had become so dependant on the pleasure brought on by Dean's touch. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Sam earlier."

"Oh yeah?" Dean asked, pressing a kiss to Cas's jaw.

"Yes." Cas confirmed. "And I just want to make sure that he's fine with… this?" he asked, hesitant because he wasn't sure what 'this' was, exactly. They hadn't put a name on it yet, and Cas didn't know what that meant. He'd never had anything even vaguely resembling a relationship before, and so he didn't have any idea what would happen next. He knew that there was supposed to be an order to these things, but they hadn't exactly followed the rules, had they?

Carefully, Dean brought his fingers up to trace across Cas's lips, smirking as Cas shuddered embarrassingly at the sensation, his fingers absentmindedly tightening their grip on the hem of Dean's shirt. "He's cool with it, don't worry."

"It's just… I don't…" Cas shook his head. "I don't want him to feel like we don't want him here. I don't want him to feel like we'd rather he left, or like he's the third wheel. This is his home too, and I don't want him to feel otherwise."

"I know. I don't want that either. I mean, he might be a massive pain in the ass sometimes, but he's still my brother, and I love him. I just think we should be careful. We don't want to shove it all down his throat, you know?" Dean stated, moving to run his fingers up and down Cas's upper arms. "I think we should try to be as subtle as possible." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe everything that we do, well, maybe it'll all be a good distraction for him."

Cas froze then, and felt the familiar clutches of panic claw its way up his chest, shredding up all of the self-reassurance he had gathered close to his heart.

"Is that… Is that why we're doing whatever it is we're doing…?"Cas didn't want to ask, but he felt that he had to. He knew his voice was small and slightly wobbly, and he hated it. He _hated _the self esteem issues that made him doubt that _anyone _would want to show him love. "Are we doing all of this to distract Sam from the loss of his girlfriend? Everything you said to me, everything _I _said to _you_… was it all a lie to help Sam through this tough time?"

"What? No way, Cas!" Dean exclaimed, his face falling in dismay at Cas's obviously too-harsh words. "How could you- how could you even think that I would _use_ someone like that? I would never- I just couldn't-" he broke off then, falling silent in the awkward atmosphere.

Cas cursed himself, mortified by his outburst. Of course it wasn't true. How could it be? Dean was a complete gentleman, and he was far too lovely to even _think _about doing such a thing. But now, how had Cas made Dean feel? Like he didn't trust him? Because it was the exact opposite; he trusted Dean with his life, and it scared him.

To hide his burning face, Cas leant forwards and pressed his forehead against Dean's shoulder. "I'm… sorry, Dean. I don't think you're that type of person, not at all. It's just, I suppose I'm used to not meaning anything to anyone, and it's hard for me to believe that someone as amazing and perfect as you could truly care for… someone like me."

Dean chuckled quietly, and leant forwards to press a kiss to the top of Cas's head, his arms tightening around Cas's shoulders; pulling him close. "Oh, Cas… I think you're pretty damn awesome, and I know that you might struggle to believe it, but I care for you, I honestly do. I've never felt anything this strong for anyone else, okay?" Dean leaned down to catch Cas's eye, a soft smile on his face. "Okay?"

Cas nodded slowly. "Okay."

Dean smiled again, and smoothed his fingers out through Cas's messy hair, causing it to stick up at impossible angles. "I'm going to prove it to you, Cas, just you wait."


	26. Chapter 26

Author's Note: Hey, guys! Happy November! (: How did everyone like the new episode? Remember to give a warning for any spoilers, though! (:

A few chapters ago, I gave a warning about how everything was going to get all angsty, so I'm reminding you again. This is the last fluffy chapter. Please be prepared. :P

So, quite a few people on today's WALL OF FAME! Hugs to these lovely people: _ElkeCQuinn, ____becca65d_, FreeSpirit18 (ahaha, that made me laugh, don't worry about it!),_ more-profound-bond, __________________G____ustin azza_, 12crazythomas, _________________________________jfkgotblownaway_ (I didn't specify about that because people like to see things their own way, but in my head, yes, Cas was a virgin before Dean), _______________________________________________________________missiontothestars_ (yes, there will be three more chapters in Dean's POV, though I think you'll wish you weren't reading them...), ___________________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_, _______________lessien Amandil _(oh wow, I'm sorry, I guess I did...), _sofia-sama, __JamOnToasttt, ________________CanadaLover008764_ (I really like the new season, though it's tearing my heart to pieces!), ___________________________________________________jmcswim97, __Toki Asamia_ (thank you for ALL your reviews, seriously, you're great! They're all so lovely!), and _Emlii_ (it's great that this fic might be converting you! And it's good that you have a motivator to do your work, haha. I think I need one...) Thanks again guys for your reviews, they honestly do mean a lot to me. (:

See you all on Tuesday, prepare yourself for the start of the end! (Except there IS a happy ending, so keep that in mind!)

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Six.

"Okay, it's your turn, Sammy." Dean instructed, passing the dice across the board to Sam. "Give it your worst."

The three men all watched as Sam rolled the dice, tension palpable and heavy in the air. When one die landed on a five, and the other on a six, Sam gave a triumphant cry that completely surpassed both Cas and Dean's disappointed moans.

Sam moved his cheap metal dog eleven squares, and then proceeded to buy the property he had landed on, much to Dean's annoyance.

"You only bought that friggin property because you knew I wanted it." Dean complained, glaring childishly at his brother. "You're a bitch, Sam."

"And you're a jerk." Sam responded happily, making a big show of shoving his newly-acquired property card in Dean's face.

Dean pouted, and the expression looked so sweet that Cas wanted to kiss him, but didn't, because they were in the middle of a _very _competitive game. Also, he was supposed to be annoyed at Dean, because he had made Cas pay him a ridiculous sum of money, _despite _the fact that they were sleeping together, so Dean really should have gone easy on him.

"Your turn, Cas."

It was a cold Saturday night; one week after Dean and Cas had taken that terrifying step away from friendship, and towards the lovey-dovey happiness they both knew they wanted. To Cas's surprise, everything was going smoothly, and he could honestly say it; he had never been happier.

Currently, the three occupants of the apartment were involved in a very cut-throat game of Monopoly. Dean had been shocked when Cas had, in passing, mentioned that he had never played the game before. Apparently, this fact was a complete outrage, and Dean had almost tripped over his own feet in his eagerness to locate his and Sam's old board set.

Cas wasn't much better at it than he was at chess, but simply watching Dean and Sam bicker and joke together made Cas's heart do strange things. And Cas knew that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life; the family, the laughter, the immeasurable bliss. _Dean. _He wanted Dean for the rest of everything.

Remembering the game, Cas focused, and rolled the dice, internally shrugging at the not-too-bad outcome - a three and a five. He then moved the piece that he had spent hours choosing - much to both Dean and Sam's anguish - and landed, unfortunately, on a property that, not only did Sam own, but that he had also covered in little green plastic houses.

"Oh, bad luck, Cas." Dean grinned, not sounding sympathetic at all. If there was one thing that Cas had learnt at all so far, it was that Monopoly was not a game to be taken lightly. It was a game that tore apart friendships and had the potential to absolutely _ruin _relationships.

Sam gave a laugh that sounded slightly maniacal, and he quickly scanned the card to see just how much Cas owed him.

It turned out to be rather a lot, in fact.

* * *

"And now you know how to play Monopoly." Dean finally said to Cas, three intense, gruelling hours later.

The three men were sitting on the sofa, with both Dean and Sam nursing various minor wounds, because they both had the mentality of children when it came to competitions, it seemed, and very quickly after Dean had owed Sam over a thousand Monopoly dollars, they had decided to wrestle it out.

"I don't think I played Monopoly just then." Cas murmured, feeling exhausted for reasons beyond his understanding. "I think Monopoly played me. I just got beaten _very _badly."

They had all decided to stop playing after Cas's debts piled up too high; when he owed Dean five hundred Monopoly dollars, Sam one thousand and fifty Monopoly dollars, and the bank two thousand, nine hundred Monopoly dollars.

Dean chuckled, and tenderly pressed his fingers to an angry red carpet burn on his forehead. "You'll get better, Cas, I'm sure."

"Not if I'm playing." Sam piped up, smiling at his brother smugly. He then turned to Cas with amused eyes. "I always win when we play Monopoly."

"You do not!" Dean scoffed, though Cas could sense that he knew he was beaten. It seemed Sam was just too smart, and perhaps, _somehow_, his Stanford education had been advantageous.

"I do." Sam smiled, and then stood up and stretched. "I'm off to bed now. You two be good. Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes, muttered something darkly under his breath, and then proceeded to throw the TV remote at Sam, which he managed to dodge.

"Goodnight, Sam." Cas chipped in, throwing Dean a look that told him to stop being childish, because they both _knew _that Sam was purposely trying to aggravate him.

"'Night, Cas." Sam gave a little wave, and then turned and walked off into his room.

Because, really, it was Sam's room. Cas didn't really consider it his own anymore. If everything went as well as he hoped with Dean, then, after Sam went back to Stanford, Cas wanted to never set foot into that room again. Dean's room was much more pleasant.

When the click of the door indicated that Sam was out of eyeshot, Cas turned around, yet, before he could say anything, he found himself being pushed down onto the sofa and straddled by an over-enthusiastic Dean.

"I have been wanting to kiss you all evening." Dean told him, leaning downwards to lick a hot, wet trail up Cas's throat. "You just look so sweet when you lose."

"You lost too." Cas informed him, already feeling slightly breathless because of the stupidly arousing way Dean was moving against him; all grinding and hot and heady. "You're in no position to talk."

Dean chuckled, and the deep rumbling sound and subsequent vibrations that shuddered through his body made Cas tremble with desire. Noticing the effect he was having, Dean chuckled again, and moved his lips upwards to press kisses to Cas's jaw line.

"Sam's great company, don't get me wrong, but there's _definitely _something I'd much rather have been doing." Dean murmured, his voice all throaty and goddamned sexy.

"You're the one who suggested playing Monopoly." Cas gasped as Dean grinded, hard, against him. "Our abstinence was all your fault."

Dean smirked, and trailed his lips back down to Cas's neck, where he bit down violently, causing Cas to moan loudly; the noise low and embarrassingly needy. "I suppose it was. Though, doesn't all that waiting just make this moment _so much better?_"

Despite the fact that almost every single part of his body was throbbing in a way that was both so painful and so amazing that he wanted to scream, Cas smiled up at Dean's beautiful form.

"Yes, it does."

And then, well, that was it. Dean was all warm lips and devilishly wandering hands and, _oh god, _hot breath and trembling fingers, and, _oh fuck, _Cas was so deliriously happy that he wanted to cry, properly cry, because life couldn't get any better than the feeling of Dean deep inside him, because _Jesus fucking Christ, Dean, don't stop, don't ever stop _it just felt so good and he wasn't used to feeling _faster, Dean, faster faster faster _needed like this and he didn't want to ever forget _Dean Dean Dean I can't hold on much longer Deannnn _what it felt like.

Cas knew what happiness was now, and he never wanted to let it go.


	27. Chapter 27

Author's Note: Hello, dear readers! (: I hope everyone is doing okay, and that nothing spectacularly crap has happened so far this week.

I actually had to _research _for this chapter. So, yeah, the things that are discussed at the end of the chapter are actually factually correct. (:

There are quite a few people on today's WALL OF FAME, though the numbers are lessening slightly, so I think we're losing readers. But oh well! I have you brilliant guys: ___________________G____ustin azza_, _FreeSpirit18_, _more-profound-bond_, ___________________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_ (sorry, but Kevin doesn't feature... *sad face*), ___________________CanadaLover008764_, _____________________________________jfkgotblownaway_ (he takes everything like a champ!), _____becca65d, ____________________________________________________jmcswim97, ____12crazythomas, ______________________________________________________Toki Asamia_ (all of your reviews are so sweet, oh my gosh, thank you so much for reviewing every chapter!), _Shahara Dagon, Emlii _(I am very happy that you've been converted!), _Leana-Vine _(I actually don't know... I just liked it, I suppose!) and _Casismyfavourite _(thanks for both your reviews). You guys are all so lovely, I hope you know that. :P Your reviews make me go 'awww' for ages. (:

I hope you enjoy this chapter (...) and I'll see you all on Friday! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Seven.

"I think we should go out somewhere tonight." Dean murmured quietly, his head propped up on his arm. "Just me and you, somewhere real nice and quiet."

It was seven o'clock in the morning, and Dean really should have been on his way to work. He hadn't been making any attempts to get up though, and he had mentioned something about breakfast in bed. Cas didn't mind, though, because there was almost nothing he liked more than to cuddle in bed with Dean, all warm and lazy in the heavy blankets.

Cas, who was mirroring Dean's position in the bed, smiled at the appearance of Dean's rare romantic spark. "Why tonight? What's special?"

Dean blushed a pale pink then, and Cas couldn't help but to lean forwards to press a chaste kiss to his forehead, his lips lingering at the soft skin for a second. He liked it when Dean blushed; it brought out the sweet and surprisingly innocent side of him.

"It's, uh, our one month anniversary." Dean muttered, embarrassed because he had remembered the occasion. "It's a stupid date to remember, sure, but... you know. We should do something."

Cas smiled again; th_e_ happiness he felt around Dean so often was just so strong that he was unable to keep it all locked up inside. "I'm glad you remembered, Dean. I remembered too. I just didn't know if that was your reasoning."

Dean flashed him an amused grin, his lips turning up at the corners devilishly. "Come here, you."

* * *

Cas and Dean were half way through dessert at some expensive restaurant when Dean's phone rang. Dean usually would have ignored it, but the tone was one distinctly set to Sam's phone.

Dean rolled his eyes, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Sorry, Cas. Here I am, trying to be all romantic, when Sam calls and interrupts. What does he want? We'll be coming home in an hour or so." he grumbled, before answering with a sigh.

"Sam, is this really important? I have Cas and I have pie, and I don't want to be disturbed because you figured out who the murderer on some crap cop show was before they told you." Dean rolled his eyes into the phone, and Cas wondered idly if Sam really had called Dean because of that reason before.

But then, as he listened to the voice at the other end, Dean's face changed dramatically; shifting from a look of firm annoyance to one of confusion and a strange sort of fear, and Cas was reminded of the time Sam had called Dean when Jessica had died.

"Shit." Dean cursed into the phone, and brought his fingers up to press sharply at the skin of the bridge of his nose. "Is he going to be all right?" There was silence for a few seconds, and then Dean let out a wobbly sigh. "Okay, yes, all right. We'll be there as soon as we can. Thank you." He hung up the phone with a forlorn _beep, _and then turned his eyes to Cas.

"Dean?" Cas could feel his heart pounding violently in his throat, and it wasn't a pleasant feeling at all. He felt all hot, and there was an uncomfortable stirring sensation in the pit of his stomach. "What's wrong? What's happening?"

"I'm sorry, Cas, but we have to go." Dean said, standing up. "I'm so sorry. This was supposed to be a nice dinner, but Sam-" he broke off, and exhaled shakily. "We just have to go. I'll explain on the way."

Feeling numb all over - even though he didn't know what was wrong, the look in Dean's eyes was enough to tell him that it was very bad indeed - Cas stood up too, and watched as Dean hurriedly paid the bill for the meal. The two then made their way outside - neither men saying a word - and got into Dean's beloved Impala - a car that Cas had come to love as well.

Once inside, Dean leant his forehead against the steering wheel, his bright green eyes drifting closed. Awkwardly, Cas reached towards Dean, and stroked his fingers down his cheek; hoping that, despite his emotional clumsiness, Dean would feel slightly comforted by his soft touch.

Dean raised his head then, and spoke up quietly. "That was the-" he broke off to clear his throat. "-the paramedics. They're rushing Sam to hospital."

Cas was sure that his heart stopped beating, and, in that tiny second, he felt his world fall apart. Not because he was worried by how Dean would react to the possible worst case scenario, but because Cas liked Sam - possibly even loved him in a brotherly kind of way, he really did, and if anything serious happened to him, then Cas… well, it would be like losing Gabriel and Michael all over again.

_Not Sam. Anyone but Sam._

"What-" Cas's voice was shaking, and he tried desperately to regain control of his vocal cords. All of the emotions building up inside his chest were making it hard to talk. "What happened?"

Dean turned the car on, and reversed out of the car park, his foot pressed down heavily on the accelerator. Normally, Cas would have said something about the speed they were travelling at, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Someone, uh, someone called the paramedics because they found him lying unconscious in some backstreet alley behind a bar. The medics tried to revive him there and then, but…" Dean trailed off, and rubbed at his eyes with his free hand. "They're taking him to the hospital now to have his stomach pumped. Alcohol poisoning. _Son of a bitch_."

Cas was shocked. He had never seen Sam drink anything even vaguely alcoholic - much less in dangerous quantities - so how had he ended up like this? Unconscious in the back of an ambulance, on his way to have his stomach pumped of the hazardous toxins?

"Did they say whether he was going to be okay or not?" Cas asked, hesitant because he didn't want to know the answer. If they had said his chances were low…

Dean scrubbed a tired hand across his face. "I don't know. They said that they found him relatively early, so that's a good sign, I suppose. But it's hard to tell. I hope-" he broke off, and shook his head. "I just freaking hope."

* * *

Two hours later, both Cas and Dean were at the end of their wits. They'd been waiting at the hospital for what seemed like a lifetime, and the doctors were all very reluctant to give them any information, other than a dismissive, 'He's doing fine.'

But then, Sam's doctor - who surely wasn't old enough for the title or the white coat - walked around the corner, a bright smile on her carefully made-up face.

"He's awake, now." she said, her voice unnaturally chirpy, despite the fact that it was after midnight. "You can go through and see him, if you'd like. But you must be quiet, because he's very tired."

"Thank you, doctor." Dean said, scrambling to his feet. He discarded his cardboard cup of coffee, and tugged Cas up with him; tightly entwining his fingers with Cas's in a way that emphasised just how nervous he was about seeing his beaten-up brother.

"At least he's going to be okay." Cas murmured as the two made their way down the unnecessarily long corridors that took them to Sam's room. "At least they managed to get him here before it was too late."

Dean gave a muted murmur of agreement, and, after a few seconds, exhaled shakily as they stopped outside of the room Sam was in.

When they stepped into the room, the first thing Cas noticed was just how pale Sam was. His skin had taken on a vaguely purple tone, and he was sporting some rather impressive black-and-blue bruises. There were a few scratches across his face, from when, Cas assumed, he had fallen over, unconscious.

It didn't take Sam long to notice movement at the doorway. He looked upwards, tears already welling up in his lifeless eyes that looked grey in the harsh hospital light. "Dean… Cas... I'm so sorry. I ruined your evening."

With the calmness so required of him, Dean made his way over to the side of his brother's hospital bed. He sat down in the uncomfortable plastic chair beside the bed, and leant forwards to gently push the unruly wisps of sweat-soaked hair out of Sam's eyes.

"Just… fuck, Sammy. Don't do that to me again." Dean choked out, his voice all broken and gruff. "You really scared us."

Tears leaked out of the corner of Sam's eyes, and he turned his head away from Dean's concerned face. "I'm sorry." he whispered, his voice sounding just as thick as his brother's. "I was so stupid, I just didn't think…"

Feeling slightly uncomfortable in the touching moment, Cas moved to hover awkwardly at the bottom of the bed. He wanted to be there, to offer his support, but expressing sympathy had never been one of his strong points.

"It's okay, Sam, of course it is." Dean swallowed harshly. "Just… Why did you drink so much?" he asked, moving his hand to rest awkwardly on Sam's arm. "You don't… I mean, you never…"

"I found out the verdict of Jessica's killer." Sam gave a disquieting snotty sob, and tears rolled down his face and dripped off his chin. "And the punishment he got- it wasn't fair. It wasn't _right._"

He broke down then, in a mess of tears and snot and loud, gasping breaths, and Dean glanced over at Cas, completely helpless. Cas gave a small, equally feeble shrug in response, because if Dean couldn't handle the situation, then neither could he.

After a few more minutes of uncontrollable hysterics, and watching Dean awkwardly pat Sam on the back - unable to hug, because of all of the tubes and wires - Cas decided it was time he stepped in.

"What was the sentence, Sam?"

Sam rubbed at his eyes, and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. "He, uh, he got a year in prison, and a fine of thirty thousand dollars."

Cas didn't know much about the legal system of his country, but even to him the punishment didn't sound like a lot, seeing as though the man had _killed_ an innocent woman in his heavily intoxicated state.

"What was the maximum punishment he could have received?" Dean asked, obviously just as ignorant about the legal system as Cas was.

"He could - _should - _have received fourteen years in prison, and a fine of three hundred thousand dollars. But he didn't, and it's _not fair._" Sam didn't sound quite as upset as he had a few minutes ago; his misery had been replaced by anger. "He _ruined _my life and ended Jess's, and all he got was a year in prison and a fine of a few thousand dollars."

"And so you went out and got drunk." Cas murmured, understanding the feeling. Sometimes, all you wanted to do when things went wrong was to drink yourself into oblivion.

"Yes, I did. And it was immature and irresponsible and I'm so, _so_ sorry." Sam was crying again, and the tears trailing down his face were shiny in the overhead lights. "I never meant for it to go this far, and I ruined your night and made you stress and I'm just so… _sorry._"

"Hey, it's all right, Sam." Dean murmured, his eyes panicked and anxious. "We all make mistakes, and you're fine. We're all fine. And we were almost done with dinner anyways, weren't we, Cas?"

Cas nodded fervently. "Yes, we were. And what better way to end the night than a two hour wait in a hospital? It's very romantic, and the coffee they gave us was delicious and even partially warm."

And then Sam laughed; a harsh, rasping sort of sound that sounded like it was painful, and he laughed and laughed and laughed until Cas wasn't sure whether he was actually laughing or crying.


	28. Chapter 28

Author's Note: Hiya, guys! (: How's everyone doing? Recovering from laughing at the new SPN episode?

Time for today's WALL OF FAME! A huge thanks to these great human beings: _xBeautifullyxxShatteredx_, _more-profound-bond_ (aw, I'm sorry to here that :/), _FreeSpirit18_ (no one of great importance is showing up, sorry, and I think there's... eleven more chapters after this one), _kat4543 _(why not?), _missiontothestars_ (oh no, everyone's asking that! I hope I haven't let you all down...), _ZiveraWolf, ____________________CanadaLover008764_, _____becca65d_, ___________________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_ (excuse you, Sam is not stupid. He is emotionally scarred, thank you very much. :P), ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Toki Asamia_ (*cough ICEBERG cough*), ___________________G____ustin azza_, _Casismyfavourite_, _Shahara Dagon_ (work crying is totally the new thing!) and _WingsStarsAndSky _(Thanks! *coughs awkwardly again*). Gaaah, thanks guys for sticking with this fic, even though they already got together. You're all fab. :P

Um, sorry in advance for the ending of this chapter. Some of you might be angry at me. Sorry. But, uh, tip. Iceberg.

See you all on Tuesday! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Eight.

"I think it would be good for Sam to get out of the house for a while, you know?" Dean commented one afternoon, a week or so after Sam's accident. "It'd be good for him to get away from here, away from Lawrence. Away from Kansas, even."

The very man of Dean's concerns was currently curled up in a small, exhausted ball on the sofa, his knees drawn to his chest in a way that made him look ten years old again. He was fast asleep; drained of any energy, despite the fact that it was just after lunchtime.

He had taken the almost-fatal alcohol poisoning badly, and Cas didn't like the way he had become so quiet and withdrawn - how he had lost the irresistible charm that had made so many people smile. He had only just been getting better, but now he was an unstable emotional wreck again. Cas didn't like it.

"I think that would be good, yes." Cas agreed, turning his attention to Dean, who also had weary, inky black shadows smudged underneath his eyes. Sam's accident had taken a lot out of Dean too - he was stressed now, and easily irritable. Cas didn't like that either. "What do you suggest?"

Idly, Dean rubbed his thumb across his forehead, scratching at the space between his eyebrows. "Well, if I can convince Ash down at the garage to work overtime for a few months, then… I don't know. Sam and I could go on a road trip across America."

Cas immediately noticed the lack of his presence in the suggestion, and he tried desperately to refrain from commenting on it. Already, the thought of being alone for what could, potentially, be a few months had Cas inwardly panicking, but he shoved his qualms aside, because _this was for Sam._

"I think that's a good idea." Cas said, trying to keep his voice steady. "It'd be nice for both of you to get out for a bit of brotherly bonding. We need to keep Sam's mind off things."

Dean smiled, and reached out across the short space between them to brush a few strands of hair out of Cas's eyes - his fingers rough against the soft skin of his forehead. He then trailed his fingers down Cas's face, his neck, before absentmindedly resting on the skin above his heart.

"It would mean leaving you here, though. And I don't… I don't want to do that. Not now that we've only just…" Dean coughed awkwardly. "But I just think it would be better if it was just me and Sam."

Cas nodded his head in agreement, though he desperately wanted Dean to stay with him. They had only been together for little over a month, and their relationship - the kissing, the cuddling, the undeniably _amazing _sex - was still so brand new to Cas. The thought of not seeing Dean for weeks upon weeks made his heart thud painfully against his chest - and not in a good way.

"We need to do what's best for Sam." Cas whispered, taking a small step closer to Dean. He needed to savour quiet moments like this, because he wasn't sure when they would happen again. Carefully, he pressed a kiss to Dean's throat; his lips lingering over the spot where he could feel his pulse. "We can't let our own feelings get in the way of making him better. We have all the time in the world afterwards."

* * *

Things had been set in motion pretty quickly after Cas and Dean's conversation, and all too soon, Cas found himself standing in the threshold of their apartment, his goodbyes stuck in his throat. It hadn't taken any time at all to convince Ash at the garage to work overtime - he knew Sam too, and he said that he wanted to help in any way he could.

Despite himself, Cas had been a little disappointed when he had realised that Dean and Sam would be leaving so soon. He knew that going on the road trip would make Sam better, and that was something he wanted more than almost anything in the world, but he wasn't sure how he would cope being alone again.

"Thank you, Cas, for everything." Sam was saying, and Cas wasn't sure what the grateful words were for. For keeping Dean company while he was away at Stanford? For keeping Dean calm while they waited in the hospital? For simply being a good friend? Whatever it was, whatever he had done, Cas didn't think it had been nearly enough.

"It's okay, Sam." Cas's voice was rougher than it usually was, and he hoped Dean wouldn't notice. "I'm glad that I helped in some way. And I hope you have fun on your trip."

"I'm sure I will." Sam smiled at him, and then looked down at the two small backpacks at his feet. "I'll, uh, I'll just take these down to the Impala." he said, nodding towards the bags. "I'll see you in a minute, Dean."

He smiled again, yet this time it was slightly sympathetic. Cas wondered how obvious the emotions on his face were - and which one was most dominant. Loneliness? Sadness? Regretful desire?

With one last smile, Sam walked off down the corridor, turning back to wave at Cas when he reached the corner. When he was out of earshot, Dean turned to him, his eyes bright with a sentiment Cas didn't recognise.

"I suppose this is it for a bit then, hey?" His voice was soft and full of emotion, and Cas knew then that Dean was going to miss him a lot too. "It's kind of funny, because I feel like we're saying goodbye like we're never going to see each other again. But I'll be back here, with you, in no time."

Cas nodded - pleased that Dean had acknowledged the feeling that seemed to be hanging heavy in the air. He didn't know why it felt so wrong saying goodbye to Dean. It just felt like this was the end of something big, and he didn't understand it. Nothing was going to change, was it?

"I know you will." Cas murmured. "It will hardly seem like you've gone. And you'll have a lot of fun with Sam, so don't worry. You won't have time to miss me at all."

Dean chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure I'll miss you plenty, Cas. And you'll be fine here, on your own, won't you?"

Cas nodded, though he wasn't really too sure. This would be the first time since he'd moved in with Dean that the two had been apart, and he didn't know how he'd cope without someone to hold him.

"I'll call you as often as I can." Dean promised, before leaning down to gently capture Cas's lips between his own. After a few seconds of quiet, bittersweet kissing, Dean pulled away, his eyes bright. "And just think," he murmured, pressing another kiss to Cas's lips, "how good it'll feel when we see each other again."

"I love you, Dean." Cas whispered, feeling more sure of his feelings in that single second than he ever had before. It needed to be expressed, this emotion, and Cas couldn't think of a better time to say it. "I love you so much."

Dean chuckled, his face breaking out into a gorgeous grin. "I know, Cas, I know." And then he pressed a firm kiss that spoke of _it's time to go _to Cas's lips, and then held him at arms length. "I'll see you soon."

And as he walked off, a cheery smile on his beautiful face, Cas tried not to focus on the fact that he hadn't said it back.


	29. Chapter 29

Author's Note: Hello, readers! How's everyone going? Well, I hope! And I also hope you're all excited for Christmas, because I am, even though it's still a while away. :P

Okay, before I get on to the WALL OF FAME, I just wanted to clear a few things up. You guys have all been speculating, which I love, wow, you don't even know how much. But I'm just going to say: *WAIT HANG ON SLIGHT SPOILERS I SUPPOSE IF YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE A COMPLETE SURPRISE* there will be no character deaths, don't worry. And Dean does love Cas, so don't worry about that. (Though, really Dean, you should have said it back, you idiot...) Um, what else... oh yeah, there is DEFINITELY a happy ending. So whatever may happen, just remember that everything will be happy at the end. (: So yeah. I just wanted to say all of that, because... I don't know. I wanted you guys to not be so tense or something?

Anyway, time for today's WALL OF FAME! The review game is strong again, you lovely masochists you. :P So, all the internet hugs ever to: _iscowveryangry, __FreeSpirit18_ (yes, I do! Feels hurt... but they're great at the same time!), _more-profound-bond, ElkeCQuinn, lessien Amandil _(ahh, speculation!), _Leana-Vine _(there are thirty nine chapters in total, so ten left after this one), _____________________CanadaLover008764_, _strixx _(good to know I'm not just rambling to myself, haha), _BekaForEver, jfkgotblownaway _(I've been meaning to ask since you started reviewing, is your username a reference to that Billy Joel song?), _______becca65d, ______________________________________________________________________________________________tii-chan17_ (ahahahahaha), _sofia-sama, cieraturton, Emlii _(thanks for both reviews, but if you don't review one, please don't feel bad!), _MadWithMusic _(aw, thanks! And yes, I met Crowley himself :P), _Shahara Dagon_, ___________________G____ustin azza_, _WingsStarsAndSky, True Love's Kis5 _(haha, I was confused too!), _5mit1, flutterby cupcake _(no, corrections are great, thanks! I think my main problem is that I know what things _should_ say, so when I proof read, it just gets changed automatically in my head. I can pick up typos in other people's work, by not often my own...), ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Toki Asamia_ (again, thanks for the correction! And, wow, lots of quite dark speculation there!), and _missiontothestars!_

Honestly, you guys are the absolute best! Thanks for all your kind words, you make me feel so special. (: The chapter after this one is when _...things..._ start happening, so prepare you emotions... more than you already have, haha. (:

I'll see you all on Friday,

~Rainbow Fruit Loop xx

* * *

~_Praying for Redemption~_  
Chapter Twenty Nine.

Cas didn't like being on his own. It was strange to think that he once had - that he had found a certain sort of contentment in the quiet isolation of his squalid, inadequately heated apartment.

But now, the apartment he shared with Dean and Sam was too big, and felt horrendously, _painfully_ empty without Dean lounging around on the sofa, humming quiet songs to himself as he listened to Cas talk at him - rather than _to_ him - from the kitchen. It felt empty without Sam offering his helpful hints when it was Cas's turn to make dinner, because they both knew that Cas wasn't particularly good at preparing a healthy, non-microwavable meal that involved actual cooked vegetables.

It felt empty in the long, lonely nights, where Cas found himself curling up around Dean's pillow - which still smelt like him, Cas had noticed with a certain level of delight - hugging it to his chest as a poor sort of substitute. He didn't like not having Dean kiss him awake in the mornings, or tease him at night - he didn't like falling asleep and not feeling safe because Dean wasn't watching over him.

Cas didn't like being away from Dean, but he was trying to cope. He was trying to cope for _Dean_. Because Dean would be back in no time at all, and Cas just couldn't afford to let it all go to pieces. He needed to stay strong, to renew Dean's unwavering faith in him. He needed to give Dean a _reason_ to have so much faith in him. He needed Dean to know that he was getting better.

The only good thing about Dean being away was that Cas didn't have any distractions from writing his book. As much as he enjoyed pouring all of his creative energy into a world of fiction, after he and Dean had started sleeping together, any free minute was spent kissing and cuddling, and the odd spot of being shoved into a cupboard, because Sam was only in the living room and the bedroom was just far too mundane.

Cas liked his book, he really did. Though he hoped it still held all the true-to-life themes that he had told Dean it would - like, for example, society's deep-set prejudice against anyone who wasn't an upper-middle-class white male - Cas had noticed a particular aspect of human life creeping into his novel. _Love. _Though he had initially set out to prove just how desperate humans were to believe in such an idealistic emotion, Cas had pretty quickly found himself unable to tear apart the admittedly fragile foundations of such a feeling.

But how could he possibly be expected to? He had, without realising until it seemed far too late, fallen completely in love with his chivalrous roommate, so was it any question that this sentiment was soon reflected in his novel? Cas wanted the whole world to know just how powerful the word 'love' really was, because, despite everything he had ever thought, he really believed that love was the one thing humans would fight to the death for.

Cas shook his head then, and wondered when he had become such a deep thinker. It really was ironic, though, for Cas to be thinking such romantic things. He had always considered himself a complete cynic - up until he had met Dean, of course.

Because Dean had a way of tearing up everything that Cas had ever thought about himself. He had used to think of himself as a mild misanthrope; a deeply unhappy and wholly contemptuous man. But now? Here he was, reflecting on how amazing being in love was - without even a doubt that what he felt was true.

But there was only one problem. Dean hadn't said 'I love you' back. Cas didn't want to jump to any conclusions, because he knew that his mind wouldn't be able to cope with all of the possible scenarios, but he didn't know what to think. Why hadn't he said it back? Was he afraid of saying those three little words? Or was he just not ready to take the plunge?

Or was it something darker than that, something more heartbreaking? Had he scared Dean off with his fierce passion and clingy admiration? Had Dean only seen their time together as a bit of harmless fun; a warm bed and a good morning kiss? Because Cas didn't know how he would cope if Dean didn't feel the exact same way. He had fallen in love far too hard and far too fast, and he knew there was no going back now. He was, for lack of a better phrase, completely head-over-heels in love with Dean Winchester, and he was sure that wasn't something that would ever go away.

But Cas was trying not to panic. He knew Dean well, and he knew that he sometimes found it hard to express his emotions. Cas didn't know why that was, but he couldn't afford to doubt Dean. Dean was his everything.

So all Cas could do was pray that, one day, in the very near future, he would say it back.

* * *

A week and a half after Sam and Dean had set off on their amazing adventure, Cas received his first phone call. He had been hoping, of course, that Dean would call - or, at the very least, text at some point - but he hadn't been expecting contact quite so soon.

"Hello, Dean." Cas answered, smiling to himself because the phone call was evidence that Dean was missing him too.

Dean's voice sounded particularly cheery when he replied, and Cas was glad for it. It hadn't been nice seeing Dean so worried about his brother, and now they were both getting the chance to relax and have some fun.

"Hey, Cas! How are things back in rainy old Lawrence?"

Cas took a quick glance out of the window, and was slightly smug when he noticed just how bright the sky was. "Things are good, thank you. And it's not been raining recently, I'll have you know."

Dean chuckled down the line, and Cas took a little bit of pleasure in the heart-warming sound. "Well, that's nice. As soon as we leave, the rain lets off. Typical."

"Where are you now?" Cas asked, curious, because he didn't know how far the two could have travelled in a week and a half.

"California." Dean replied. "Sunny old California. We've been here for two days, and Sam's already managed to get food poisoning." Cas could almost _hear _Dean rolling his eyes. "He's been throwing up for a few hours now, but it's not too bad. He's just being a whiny little bitch about it."

In the background, Cas could hear Sam protesting faintly.

"_Shut up, Dean. You're just lucky because you chose the greasiest, most disgusting-looking burger on the menu. If you had any ideas about personal health, then you would have got a chicken salad too."_

"_Yeah, well, look where that got you, Sammy. Bent over a toilet bowl throwing up your guts. I'd say you're the one who needs to learn a thing or two about personal health."_

"_Screw you. You're such a jerk, Dean."_

"_And you're such a bitch."_

"We went to some sleazy - yet cheap, which is why we went, really - bar last night for dinner, and Sam ordered a chicken salad." Dean turned his attention back to the phone in order to inform Cas of their situation, his voice shaking lightly with laughter. "I mean, really? _Chicken _from a place that probably had cockroaches?"

Cas smiled to himself again, and wished, more than anything, that he was sitting in some grubby motel in California with them. They sounded like they were having a lot of fun, despite the food poisoning, and Cas didn't like feeling so left out. But it was better for Sam this way, and besides, he had his novel to finish.

"Which state are you going to next?" Cas asked, pressing the phone a little bit firmer against his ear.

"Well, we're going to stop off in Arizona for a while, and then spend a bit of time in Texas, and then from there, uh-" Dean broke off to talk to Sam.

"_Where are we going after Texas?"_

"_I don't know. Florida, maybe? Or Oklahoma? Because we could get to Oklahoma in one day."_

"_What, then go to Florida after that?"_

"_Yeah."_

Dean came back to the phone. "Then Oklahoma and Florida. And then, I don't know, we'll probably do Illinois and Missouri, and then back home to Kansas."

"That doesn't sound like it'll take you another seven weeks." Cas mused, trying not to panic at the thought of not seeing Dean for another two months. Two months may as well have been an infinite length of time. But he could cope - he was sure he could. He was strong now. Dean had made him strong.

"Yeah, I suppose not. But we don't want to spend the entire time driving, you know? We'll have roughly a week in each state, I guess, and we can do all the crap little touristy things that Sam's so interested in."

"_You want to do them too, Dean; Cas and I both know you do."_

"_You- s__hut up."_

There was then a muffled bang that sounded like a door being slammed shut, and Cas presumed that Dean had got annoyed with Sam for pitching in with his opinions, and had moved rooms.

And then Dean murmured - his voice surprisingly rough and deep, "I'm really missing you, Cas. I didn't think I'd miss you _this_ much, but… you know. I am."

A weight that he hadn't even known was there lifted from Cas's shoulders; relief coursing through his body. He supposed he had been scared that Dean was preferring life without him - that, during his time with only Sam, Dean had decided that he had made a mistake by letting Cas into his life.

Maybe that meant that Dean did love him after all.

"I'm missing you too, Dean." Cas half-whispered back, a strange lump forming in his throat. "I don't want to not see you for another seven weeks."

Dean was silent for a few seconds, and Cas wondered if he had overstepped some boundary that he didn't know about. Was he coming off as too clingy? Was he sounding far too whiny?

But then Dean lowered his voice, presumably so that that Sam wouldn't hear him from the other room. "Me neither. You honestly don't know just how tempted I am to drive back to Kansas right now. But I can't."

"No, you can't." Cas agreed, with a bit of a wistful sigh. As much as he would like to feel safe in Dean's arms again, he just couldn't be so selfish; not after Sam had been nothing but lovely towards him.

"No. Look, Cas, I have to go now, but I'll call you soon, okay?" Dean said, and Cas screwed his face up in response.

"Okay. Well, have fun, and I hope Sam's food poisoning gets better."

Dean chuckled wryly. "Yeah, so do I. Bye, Cas."

"Goodbye, Dean." Cas murmured, his 'I love you' stuck painfully in his throat. He wanted to say those three impossibly important words again, but he couldn't help but to feel that if Dean wanted to hear them again, then he would have repeated the 'I love you' the last time.

So Cas choked down the words and hung up the phone with a gentle, quiet click.

And then he was alone again.


End file.
